Brandi Glanville’s Book Might Land Her A Movie Deal Please God Scorch The Earth

February 28th, 2013 // 14 Comments
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Brandi Glanville landed a book deal because we’re a country full of dumbfuck she was willing to exploit the fact that she’s a crazy drunk who was lucky enough to have her marginally famous husband cheat on her with a richer, crazier drunk. Naturally this classic love story lends itself far beyond the literary world. E! Online reports:

After a TMI press tour promoting her hit tell-all Drinking & Tweeting: And Other Brandi Blunders, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star has revealed her book may be getting the big-screen treatment.

She also vowed to stop talking about LeAnn and Eddie’s affair after she’s done promoting this book, because she’s already writing a second book. Having covered the singular noteworthy event in her life aside from banging Gerard Butler, I can’t imagine what she’s got left to say except I can and it’s probably a lot like this:

Chapter One

     It was on a beautiful spring day that I found myself out spending the money of a whorish stick lady singer who will remain nameless because I promised not to talk about how she banged my husband while they may or may not have been shooting a movie together. Where was I? Oh yeah, so I went shopping, then got really drunk and had sex someone who now denies even being in the country that year.

Chapter Two

     As I was explaining to the dog spa owner that my favorite miniature dalmadoodle, Eddie McTinydick, needed his nails clipped, it occurred to me that I hadn’t had eaten yet that day. Alarmed that I might turn into a talentless man-stealing slut if I started skipping meals, I asked him out to lunch. He agreed, then we got drunk and had sex in a tanning bed.

Photo: Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN


  1. By “Big Screen” she means a projector screen for the vaginal reconstruction class at USC’s Keck School of Medicine.

  2. I have nothing funny,she’s just hideous, inside and out. One can only hope she has a great nanny.

  3. #8 on the NYT Hardcover Nonfiction list this week, in case anybody’s wondering. Yep, that’s right, hardcover. A goodly portion of our fair land can’t wait for the paperback.

  4. “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star has revealed her book may be getting the big-screen treatment” almost certainly translates to, “Someone, with some connection to Hollywood somehow, optioned my book for a movie!” Every year, thousands of books and magazine articles are “optioned” (have exclusive movie rights leased) that never go anywhere beyond this stage. For a well-financed studio or production company, the expenses can amount to tip money, and optioning a book is often more about locking up a potentially hot property before anyone else gets to it, than it is any sort of actual commitment to make a movie out of it.

    So don’t put that gun in your mouth just yet.

  5. Cock Dr

    Eddie certainly has a type that he goes for. Implants jammed into a basket of bulimic narcissism.

  6. cc

    If he didn’t scorch the earth when they decided to make a bacon-based reality show, he won’t do it now. Sadly.

  7. isjeh

    if the movie deal push through, good for her!

  8. Brandi Glanville Book Launch Lavo Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like shes 45 going on 17. Priscilla Presley called, she wants her lips back.

  9. SLiver

    Has Hollywood run out of sequels to make?

  10. iss

    the book and the movie (in case that pushes through) is very educational to wives being dumped by their husband for another woman. it will educate dumped wives to stand and be independent instead of wallowing in pity and depression (i can imagine if brandi is ordinary housewife, it will be easy for the moneyed couple to declare her as unfit parent so that eddie can get full custody of the children). leeann i observed is obsessed with brandi looks (is it preferred by eddie?) from head to foot that she now looks like brandi clone – very far from the sweet/beautiful but chubby singer that she used to be.

  11. Brandi Glanville Book Launch Lavo Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    She doesn’t look bad for being almost 50.

  12. Brandi Glanville Book Launch Lavo Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:


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