What Really Happened With Bradley Cooper & Irina Shayk?
For God knows what fucking reason, the internet spent all day yesterday convinced that Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk had a fight at Wimbledon. Although, in fairness, her people told TMZ it was just pollen, which is such a horrible excuse they might as well have just said they beat each other with tennis rackets later. Fortunately, I’m here to clear all this shit up because here’s the crucial pieces of information everyone left out by cropping into Irina Shayk’s face, and it pretty much explains everything.
“How do you do, Ms. Shayk is it? Benedict Cumberbatch at your service.”
“How vonderful to meet you.”
“How many fucking times did I tell you in the car? How many fucking times? If you see Sherlock, do not shake his hands. Shake the whole goddamn stadium’s hand, but do not fucking shake Sherlock’s hand. Oooh, you’ve done it now…”
“Look at me! I shook your woman’s hand and now I’m wearing glasses!”
“Hi, possibly Shooter McGavin here. Saw what happened and you need to handle your woman.”
“I’m going to handle my woman.”
“Did you handle your woman?”
“Everything’s handled, Shoot. We’re all handled here.”
“Good. I’m still going to look pissed about it though, but that’s an inner conflict for me to wrestle with and me alone. You two have fun.”