Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Are Married

The Superficial / August 28, 2014

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been together for nine years, the bulk of which they’ve spent as parents to six children. But what they don’t have a is a legal document that makes it a gigantic pain in the ass to break up, so their love has basically been meaningless horseshit if it even counts as love at all. Fortunately, they fixed all that by secretly getting married in France over the weekend, and then surprising all of us with the news this morning because thanks to their omnipotent vantage point from Marriage Mountain, they could tell we needed a light to guide us out of the darkness. I heard Angelina Jolie even transformed into a dove. The AP reports:

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were married Saturday in the French hamlet of Correns, a spokesman for the couple says.
Jolie and Pitt wed in a small chapel in a private ceremony attended by family and friends at Provence’s Chateau Miraval. In advance of the nondenominational civil ceremony, Pitt and Jolie obtained a marriage license from a local California judge. The judge also conducted the ceremony in France.
The couple’s children took part in the wedding. Jolie walked the aisle with her eldest sons Maddox and Pax. Zahara and Vivienne threw flower petals. Shiloh and Knox served as ring bearers, the spokesman says.

When asked what prompted them to finally walk down the aisle, the spokesperson replied, “Honestly, I think both of them are hoping this will finally kill the other. If I had to put a label on it.”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty