Brad Paisley & LL Cool J Will Solve Racism Now

April 9th, 2013 // 19 Comments
LL Cool J Brad Paisley
LISTEN: Brad Paisley - 'Accidental Racist'
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If you haven’t heard by now, the Internet was handed a goddamn golden goose yesterday when Brad Paisley released his latest song “Accidental Racist” featuring LL Cool J. (If that seems weird to you, LL Cool J stars on a CBS police procedural making him technically white.) A self-pitying tune lamenting Brad’s inability to love the Confederate flag and the South without being thought of as a racist. Fortunately, his spirits are lifted when LL raps in to say he’ll forgive slavery – yup – if Brad won’t think he’s trying to shoot him just because he’s wearing gold chains. So needless to say, it cuts right to the very core of racial tensions in America, except not at all, Jesus fucking Christ, who thought this was a good idea? So here are two epic takedowns over at Daily Banter and Grantland while I solve these idiots’ problem: Cool James, if you don’t want people to think you’re some gold-chained thug from the hood, don’t dress like some gold-chained thug from the hood. Brad, if you don’t want people to think you’re a redneck Southerner who’s too stupid to grasp the significance of the Confederate flag, don’t dress like a redneck Southerner who’s too stupid to grasp the significance of the Confederate flag. It’s literally that simple, and others have said this before, but this is why Star Trek has shit figured out. Everybody gets the same uniform, then boom, we’re off banging aliens.

What’s that? They all were scarves and Hugo Boss in the new one? Fuckdammit, J.J. Abrams.

“Deepest, bluest, my hat is like a shark fin.” – Your healer of race relations

Photo: Getty


  1. Randal

    Two of the biggest names in the music industry have come together with their unique creativity to bring this chart climbing hit to the top.

    Paisley’s soothing drawl and country sound blends seamlessly with LL Cool J’s hard hitting, straight from the hood rhymes, knocking everyone out, even mama.


  2. Just when you thought karaoke duets couldn’t get more uncomfortable.

  3. LL Cool J making a song combating racism while simultaneously starring in the most racist program on television that if you would believe everything they say, every single terrorist is Muslim and Arab and that every single Arab and Muslim is terrorist.

    I am neither, but even I have gotten to the point where it is just disgusting and over the top racist.

    The hanging out with Brad Paisley would account for the fact that he sounds like an ignorant hick every time he butchers and mispronounces Iraq on the show.

  4. 90% of racism is just in the imaginations of the easily butthurt and I don’t see it going away anytime soon even if Paisely and LL jerk each other off to completion.

  5. Fun fact – when you bang Fish’s mom in the ass, her anus plays ‘Dixie’ just like the General Lee.

  6. ThisWillHurt

    “Why can’t I wear a flag that is widely acknowledged as a symbol of racism without being accused of racism? You’d think it was the South’s idea to maintain slavery in the first place! Dang it, people, get off my back!”

  7. bluebird83

    What I don’t understand is Brad Paisley singing all these songs about Dixieland. Dude, you’re from West Virginia. The only state to form strictly for the purpose of separating itself from a Confederate state to join the Union. Every time I see some hick from Ohio/West Virginia/Kentucky/Pennsylvania wearing a Confederate flag and claiming its “cause they love and respect their heritage”, I want to smack them with a history book. It makes country music loving, horseback riding, pickup truck driving girls like me look bad.

  8. Sandoucheky

    BUCK O FEHHRRRVE. Hearing each insane word after the next was like the internet gift that refused to stop giving for 6 minutes.

    I believe Brad Paisley when he says the song comes from an honest place with good intentions, but him and the people who support this song have WILDLY misguided ideas about racism.

  9. Jenn

    I don’t care for Brad’s music it’s just….meh. He seems very nice though. LL Cool J, is still hotter than hell.

  10. angela br

    I was gonna say, I thought they took away LL’s black card.

  11. Meh, sounds like an updated version of African Child.

  12. Bane

    Ebony and Ivory – 2013.

    Its a marketing tactic. A marketing tactic that sucks.

  13. OK, let’s a have a look here:
    Hick-boy says he’s a “proud rebel”. WTF? What are you proud of, that the “rebels” wanted to destroy our Union and maintain slavery? If you’re proud, then everything you moaningly sing after that is bullsh*t.

    Second, that flag is like a swastika flag, OK? It’s not cute, it’s not “heritage”, uts the symbol of an enemy that tried to destroy the United States, so burn the f*cking thing already. And dont fly it over your State Houses unless you want to secede…and AGAIN try to break up our Union.

    I love how he says he’s “picking up then pieces”…Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, Reagan when he visited the SS grave sites in Germany. Nice.

    Just get over it you southern twats, you lost a war that was designed to destroy the United States of America. You were the enemy of our country and as such, you do not get the right to flaunt your racist imagery.

    Oh and LL….Your Do Rag is not synonymous with a confederate flag in any way. It does not symbolize racism and oppression.

    /End rant

  14. Frank Burns

    Does this mean I can get Barbra Streisand to flack my swastika haute couture line?

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