Blue. Ivy.

Real quick, how long has Beyonce had a super-huge black dong? — Now’s not the time, just talk about the baby? You’re right.

After weeks of preparing every single hospital in New York to evacuate at a mucus plug’s notice, Beyonce and Jay-Z welcomed their first child together Saturday night. A baby girl named Blue Ivy Carter, and oh, what a joyous occasion it was. So joyous, in fact, that Gwyneth Paltrow still hopped on Twitter and made sure everyone knows she has black friends. And they’re not even the help!

- Welcome to the world Blue! We love you already.
– RT @Sparrow_Teague @GwynethPaltrow is it ivy blue, or blue ivy? so confused..It’s Blue Ivy Carter!

See? She even knew the baby’s real name while the rest of us sat in our ignorant hovels of filth and squalor like non-organic street rats. On that note, who wants to start taking bets on how long it takes Gwyneth to water birth Aquamarine Azalea (Suck it, Madonna.) Martin in a pool of dinosaur tears? I say November.

Photos: Splash News