Blue Ivy Came Out Of Beyonce’s Vagina

January 10th, 2012 // 73 Comments
You're My Girl, Blue
Beyonce
Beyonce Births Blue Ivy Carter Read More »

“For real.”

In their official birth announcement released yesterday afternoon, Beyonce and Jay-Z made it a point to inform the world that Blue Ivy came out of Beyonce’s vagina naturally because this ain’t no Gwyneth Paltrow Peruvian C-Section Box Social, yo. Via People:

“We are happy to announce the arrival of our beautiful daughter, Blue Ivy Carter, born on Saturday, January 7, 2012,” the couple said, confirming the news in a joint statement Monday. “Her birth was emotional and extremely peaceful – we are in heaven.”
“She was delivered naturally at a healthy 7 lbs.,” the statement adds, dispelling rumors that the birth was by scheduled cesarean.
“It was the best experience of both of our lives,” continue Beyoncé and Jay-Z, who has already released a song devoted to his baby girl. “We are thankful to everyone for all your prayers, well wishes, love and support.”

In his song, “Glory feat. B.I.C.” released shortly before the birth announcement, Jay-Z also reveals that Beyonce secretly suffered a miscarriage before becoming pregnant with Blue:

“Last time, the miscarriage was so tragic, we was afraid you disappeared, but nah, dear, you magic.”

What’s genuinely touching about Jay-Z tastefully sharing their pain that so many parents have been through, and I didn’t even know you could do this, is HE DIDN’T TWEET A PHOTO OF A GODDAMN DEAD FETUS TO THE ENTIRE WORLD.

*drops microphone, pours swig of coffee on the ground, points to Heaven* One love, Jay-Bey fetus.

Glory – Jay-Z feat. Blue Ivy Carter by Warhol2011

Photo: Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, WENN

superficial

  1. Mee Mee

    Rapper lyrics are so f-ing retarded.

  2. Rumor is they used a surrogate. That’s why you’ve never seen her preggers outside of the VMAs. Also why they blocked off a whole hospital floor.

    • The Critical Crassness

      You forgot, blocked access to the NICU by the parents of twins that were being cared for there”, just to insure the “privacy” of these two yahoos….Fuck ‘em Both ,,,their dirt~

    • oh i know

      this whole thing seems SO quick, counting backwards B woulda’ been 6-7 months along at the VMA’s–just doesn’t seem to add up…

      • I'm Just Saying...

        If babies are carried for 11-12 months, then you’d be on point since the VMAs were in late August/early September! So, no, she couldn’t have been that far along and just giving birth in January.

      • me

        if Sarah Palin can do it, why can’t Beyonce? There’s a video on youtube of B sitting down and her “belly bump” folds over like a frisby, and she looks up like “oh shit”. I don’t believe she was preggars. But that’s me.

  3. ItsATrap

    They must be one of those life begins at c-section type of people.

  4. cc

    I can’t help but think that the extravagant names these people give their children is a reflection of the their belief that their having a baby is of ENORMOUS significance. (Which it really isn’t.)

    • I'm Just Saying...

      It’s of more significance (on a large scale) than an ‘average’ person having a baby…as evidenced by the fact that we are on a website posting comments about it. I’ve given birth 3 times and people all over the world have yet to take to the web to ‘discuss’ any of them, lol!

  5. tumble weed

    hell yes: THAT j-z MONGOL IS INDEED SOME UGLY PIECE OF SHIT, folks.(impossible to deny)

  6. stratacat

    “She was delivered naturally”??? Not, “Bey gave birth”??? Nice rhetoric, douchebags. maybe jay-z should run for office.

  7. Carles

    A surrogate. That makes sense – also note that the statement they released is carefully worded to never mention that Beyonce actually gave birth.

    “”She was delivered naturally at a healthy 7 lbs.”
    “Her birth was emotional and extremely peaceful – we are in heaven.”

  8. Gina

    FINALLY a celebrity that isnt too posh to push! Someone who has let her vagina do what it was designed to do instead of demading for a c-section 3 weeks before her due date to avoid the risk of feeling an actual contraction and the odd stretch mark.

    As a rule,female celebrities are fu*king idiots when it comes to their birth plans,so its nice to see one that has let nature take its course.
    I was starting to wonder if celebrity women even knew that you could actually push a baby out of your vagina and recover almost imediately instead of having voluntary major sergery and have the baby removed as if it were a freakin hernia.

    As a mother of 3 who´s first baby was a c-section,I have no idea what so ever why *any* woman would want to miss out on the miracle that giving birth is..the exitement and anticipation of not knowing when you´ll go into labour,the contractions,the pushing,and then meeting your baby..its amazing!!
    A planned c.section for no reason what so ever..? Admitting to hospital without having felt a twinge,having an eidural,being shown your baby 10 minutes later and missing out on absoluetly EVERYTHING that actually helps you instantly bond with your baby is idiotic.

    YOU GO BEYONCE!! Congrats!!!

    • Richard McBeef

      Congratulations on your grand accomplishments for this life.

      • Gina

        Im not saying mine was a grand acomplishment..but for gods sake,in a world where only 1 out of 500 celebrity women actually have vaginal births,this is actually good news!

        Having major surgery just because you can doesnt mean its a really clever thing to do,and the excuses for it are pathetic.
        Its as if only lower class women actually give birth anymore.

    • bonerfest2011

      Oh wow you pushed some babies out of your vagina! Women haven’t been doing that for thousands of years or anything. Here’s your medal.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        @Gina, it’s often safer for the baby to pull it out a window,
        and also why are you pretending childbirth isn’t gut-tearing screaming agony? We all know it is. It’s not flowers and tinkling waterfalls, it’s gushes of blood and torn lady parts.

    • Guesty

      I like the enthusiasm, but let’s work on your reading comprehension skills.

    • stratacat

      great. thanks for overpopulating this earth with more illiterate breeders.

    • Venom

      /facepalm

    • mrsmass

      i find it hard to believe that she didn’t have a planned c-section.

    • This is refreshing. You so rarely see women treating the fact that they gave birth like they invented it. It’s not like stray dogs do it every fucking day or anything.

    • How do you pronounce the ‘i’ in your name, Gina?

      • stlrapper

        Give it a rest, lady. I find your rant even more obnoxious than Beyonce. It boggles me why some women get so self-important once they give birth. If being a mom is your highest and best use, so be it. But no one wants to hear about it- from puppies to rats to teens to older women- births happen everyday, all day. Yes, it is beautiful, but it shouldn’t be your claim to fame. If so, you just sound pathetic.

    • touche

      Wow!! You were able to do what every mammalian species on earth has been biologically designed to do. Kudos to you.

    • pornstar

      GINA, you write like a cast member for the Jersey Shore.

      you obviously know how to use your vagina, now learn to use spell check. :)

    • rob

      U r an ignorant fool lol

    • Sliver

      While I agree with much of what you said, I have given birth once and you do NOT recover almost immediately, you idiot. 5 years later and I can still feel the effects, there GY-Na. And there is no actual proof that this Beyonce moron actually had a natural birth or even had a baby…I think a surrogate was involved. These people cannot actually believe they need that kind of security as to spend over a million dollars and tape over the security cameras for that reason alone. What really happened…surely they spent that money on the cover-up, which may one day emerge in the news anyway. I can’t wait.

  9. Jimbo

    So when is everyone going to figure out the baby did not come out of her vajayjay. She never looks pregnant in any of the photos

  10. Beyonce Vaginal Birth Jay Z
    Misana
    Commented on this photo:

    I find her pretty.. and it’s not because I love her music or anything.

  11. dinosaurland

    I guess I’m not picky about birth. So long as a live baby is the end result, does it matter what hole it came out of?

  12. mrsmass

    are we suppose to feel bad that there was a miscarriage at some point? shit, doesn’t every woman have one of those? that song is absurd, almost as absurd at Beyonce & Jay Z. almost.

    • I'm Just Saying...

      Every woman has a miscarriage? Um…okay, if you say so. Are we supposed to feel badly about a miscarriage? I don’t know what decent human being wouldn’t. So, by we, do you mean the indecent human beings? Because if so, then no, you all should not feel badly because you probably don’t possess the capacity to do so. I feel badly for any family who has experienced a miscarriage and I am grateful that I’ve never had that misfortune!

      • mrsmass

        it’s a common thing, and it’s unnecessary for Jay Z to act like it’s a big deal. obviously i’m speaking from my point of view. having had one, it was more painful physically than emotionally, but like you said, i’m an indecent human. i admit i am a bit robotic in the emotion department. i just don’t give a fuck that someone had a miscarriage – that’s all.

  13. Jack Ketch

    What about that scandal a few weeks back … my details are sketchy. A woman from Jay-Zee’s hometown had had a daughter and it was rumoured that he offered to “buy” the baby and pass it off as his and Bey’s ? The pregnancy never looked real, was way too short, her belly button never stuck out, she gained no weight (especially in the face) … wtf ?? Even the “bump” was ill-positioned.

  14. Neen

    How great would it be if she looked exactly like Jay-Z and nothing like Beyonce?

  15. satchmo

    How convenient…no cesarean scars for the future…
    I don’t really care if she gave birth to the baby or not. But if it *was* an adoption/surrogate, they are doing those methods (and the people who use them) a real disservice by lying.

  16. MILF

    A great way for her to quell the rumors, while doing a great service to the medically under-served African-American population (many of whom see formula as a status symbol, when it’s actually quite the opposite) would be to do a PSA of her nursing her baby and discussing the benefits of breastfeeding. What do you say, Beyoncé?

  17. rob

    Ok. Natural child birth … Then how did they know the approx. Time of birth in order to secure the wing of the hospital? Reports indicate they had that well planned in advance- I have two children and mother nature doesn’t set appointments, merely guestimates. Add to that her tummy dropping on that euro TV SHOW and I’d say it’s a good guess that little Josephine Camel-ette was a) adopted from a mother who gave a c- section that night for big $$$ ( duh? who wants JZs ugly ass appearance wrecking their kid) or B) a surrogate.

    Beyond cares far too much about her career and appearance to have baby tummy or a c-section scar — fess up f$ckers, I actually got he scoop. Shaun, gimme a ring when u can;)

    • not a surrogate

      “Then how did they know the approx. Time of birth in order to secure the wing of the hospital? Reports indicate they had that well planned in advance- I have two children and mother nature doesn’t set appointments, merely guestimates.”

      It’s still considered natural if labor is induced (with drugs or by popping the amniotic sac), as long as the kid comes out vaginally. Lots of women have planned vaginal births.

  18. rob

    Oh forgot to add “when you can be’atch” thought you had that place secured…fruckring idiot. Tatatsbloids contact me;)

  19. Mando

    Congrats to the happy parents! This kid is gonna have everything… including Jay’s camel face.

  20. rob

    ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT A PREGGO WOMAN’S TATERS DON’T SWELL, HER FACE DOESN’T GET ROUNDER ETC HAS NEVER BEEN PREGGO. my guess is this fraudulent mom will pop up the same size days later. Then, idiots like you will buy her book on weightless after child birth. It WAS RIGGED. THERE WAS A SURROGATE U IDIOTS.

    so don’t congratulate beyondce and Joe camel on her epidural free child birth. She was sitting tr with a glass of champagne while the light skinned young mother popped out the future queen. Fools.

    • Mom

      Rob not everybody swell and get big. People didn’t notice I was pregnant and my belly was very small. Nobody believed that I was 9 month pregnant when I was. Everybody has different pregnancies.
      Sorry for my bad english, I’m Swedish

  21. rob

    And btw, those lyrics blow balls… That rap crap Joe camel sputter out for ” his” newborn is whavkervthan a lil weedy rail – toolbox fat nosed mutherfrukker.

  22. A black man in his 40s only just had his first child — the real thing to be celebrated here.

  23. patsyagreen

    What is going on this is too much coverage for a babythese are just 2 lucky uneducated human beings who just happen to be fairly good entertainment

  24. frcrkr

    Two urban yodelers claiming to support the 99% acting exactly like the 1%. Fuck them.

  25. Elaine

    could this headline be anymore graphic and rude?

  26. Beyonce Vaginal Birth Jay Z
    Rayray
    Commented on this photo:

    They should have just named her “Shit Head Carter”, sounds better

  27. mom of 5

    with my third daughter i did not show at all.. bunch of haters

    • not a surrogate

      My cousin was like that. She briefly developed tits, and then popped out a kid and lost them again. Six years later, same story.

  28. Beyonce Vaginal Birth Jay Z
    vader
    Commented on this photo:

    They better pray that the daughter does NOT look like Jay Z. The kid will look like Sha nay nay. This dude is BUSTED!

  29. Trixie

    the brat is fugly like the racist dadddddy. beyonce is also an illiterate moron who can’t speak a full sentence without mispronouncing words.

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