Gwyneth Paltrow Never Saw Blake Lively Coming

July 15th, 2014 // 15 Comments
Hilary, Why Are You Here?!
Hilary Duff
She Means Nothing To Me! [Blake, Ignore This.] Read More »

Blake Lively is a gorgeous, thin blonde who also happens to be friends with Beyonce and has a pretentious, fart-sniffing website launching next week which makes you wonder why we even need Gwyneth Paltrow anymore. And I’m not just saying that because Blake’s breasts are way more awesome to the point that it’s not even a competition. If they were a race car, Gwyneth’s would be a wheel-less sandalwood box that smells vaguely of cinnamon. E! News

According to the source who also confirmed the launch date, the name of the actress’ secret project will be “Preserve.”
So what can we expect? The insider tells E! News: “Preserve will focus on artisans and products, many hand-made one-of-a-kind items all selected by Blake. Items will be available for purchase through the site. Preserve is all about story-telling through video. Blake will be in some of these videos.”

Yo, I heard the site automatically filters out plebeians AND only works on vegan bandwidth. AW SNAP.

Photo: MPNC/VPA/Xposure/AKM-GSI

superficial

  1. “Wheel-less sandalwood box that smells vaguely of cinnamon” prompted memories of Fish’s heady days at the Boy Scout Pinewood Derby, and the solitude he found with the paternalistic scoutmaster. That cinnamon-scented box is his Proustian madeleine.

  2. Blake Lively Cleavage Ryan Reynolds The Captive Premiere 67th Cannes Film Festival
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Thanks for ruining her shot here Ryan. A diva dress like that should never be subjected to the presence of doucheface.
    I’m sure it won’t be the last time. Blake will have a whole photo album of shots like these before she divorces him.

  3. cc

    ‘Preserve is all about story-telling through video’

    Awesome! I have a story where I meet a famous woman on an elevator and she drags me back to her luxury suite and forces me to submit to fellatio.

  4. anonym

    well, gwyneth gets 1 point for being all natural.

    Blake has implants and some other shit done to her face

  5. Blake Lively Cleavage Ryan Reynolds The Captive Premiere 67th Cannes Film Festival
    Mama Pinkus
    Commented on this photo:

    am I the only one who thinks Mr. Reynolds looks like a complete dweeb?

  6. Johnny Barbells

    “Preserve will focus on artisans and products”
    “Preserve is all about story-telling through video”

    …this shit is already a confusing mess.

  7. I bet Ryan Reynolds never saw her coming either.

    Thanks, I’m here all week.

  8. Blake Lively Cleavage Ryan Reynolds The Captive Premiere 67th Cannes Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s with the haircut? Is Ryan Reynolds a Nazi now?

  9. “Gwyneth Paltrow Never Saw Blake Lively Coming”

    Damnit, neither did I…and after spending all that money on a good telescope.

  10. Blake Lively Cleavage Ryan Reynolds The Captive Premiere 67th Cannes Film Festival
    Scott
    Commented on this photo:

    Fish, I saw there are new Kelly Brook photos on the Fappening so I know you’re ok…

  11. Blake Lively Cleavage Ryan Reynolds The Captive Premiere 67th Cannes Film Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    You’re damn right…and TWICE on Sundays, motherfucker.

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