Gwyneth Paltrow Never Saw Blake Lively Coming

Blake Lively is a gorgeous, thin blonde who also happens to be friends with Beyonce and has a pretentious, fart-sniffing website launching next week which makes you wonder why we even need Gwyneth Paltrow anymore. And I’m not just saying that because Blake’s breasts are way more awesome to the point that it’s not even a competition. If they were a race car, Gwyneth’s would be a wheel-less sandalwood box that smells vaguely of cinnamon. E! News

According to the source who also confirmed the launch date, the name of the actress’ secret project will be “Preserve.”
So what can we expect? The insider tells E! News: “Preserve will focus on artisans and products, many hand-made one-of-a-kind items all selected by Blake. Items will be available for purchase through the site. Preserve is all about story-telling through video. Blake will be in some of these videos.”

Yo, I heard the site automatically filters out plebeians AND only works on vegan bandwidth. AW SNAP.

Photo: MPNC/VPA/Xposure/AKM-GSI