Beyonce Named ‘World’s Most Beautiful Woman,’ Cites Alleged Motherhood as Source of Her Beauty

April 25th, 2012 // 53 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

In a continuing effort to convince the world that she physically birthed a child that was in no way the product of a ritualistic animal stabbing and herbal colon cleanse administered by Gwyneth Paltrow (Did you know Beyonce’s her black friend? Beyonce’s her black friend.), Beyonce credits her world-dominating beauty to motherhood. People reports:

I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth,” says PEOPLE’s 2012 World’s Most Beautiful Woman. “I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.

Which I of course interpreted as “Remember out how huge my jugs got during pregnancy?”, because if nothing else, this site is about subtlety as well as the deepest respect for the ethereal gifts of maternity.

Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Splash News


  1. skunk

    ill wipe my ass with People magazine

    • Cock Dr

      They don’t much care what you do with it after you buy one. So I encourage you to shoplift one for your stated purpose, which I applaud.
      If you buy into this “motherhood = physical beauty” theory shouldn’t it follow that the Octomom or that Duggar woman be honored with the magazine cover?

    • skunk

      white guilt

  2. Mr Smap Beav Sr


  3. Deacon Jones

    I’m still going with she faked it.

    I saw that video of her sitting down and her “belly” instantly bent like a cheap piece of furniture foam.

    Someone throw that shit up here.

    • Jack Ketch

      The pictures they released of their “newborn” featured a baby that was NOT a newborn. The whole thing was fake … how long was she “pregnant” for ? And how come Jessica Simpson is still pregant ? Holy …

      • suck it

        She at the very least was wearing a pad to make her smaller pregnant belly look fuller. The bigger the bump the more attention.

        Oh and that video is whack… how much did they pay them to make that video?

  4. captain obvious jr.

    she paid people magazine.

  5. Nothing like pulling a large object through your mudflaps to make you irresistible to men. Right, 16 and Pregnant moms?

  6. Sliver

    All I can say is, I disagree…she is nowhere near the world’s most beautiful. And, bitch, please, you have some gaul taking credit for giving birth to that child.

  7. Beyonce Cleavage Pregnant Boobs Worlds Most Beautiful Woman
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    Most Beautiful Woman in the World? They’re fucking joking, right? I may have said Top 20 at one point, but that was a decade ago.

  8. suck it

    So she feels soooo connected and like she has suuuuuuch a “purpose” on Earth because she (supposedly) shat out a baby (billions of other women give birth too, but ok) who will undoubtedly be a spoiled rotten brat when it gets older? Wow. I’m glad Beyonce and Jay-Z have graced us with their Christ-child. Praise the Lord!!!

  9. Bonky

    I think she is very attractive but not the most beautiful. New fresh bitches show up daily in the entertainment business and I am still evaluating them.

    ps- she named her baby Blue Ivy and when that child is old enough it will change it’s name to something else.

  10. Professor

    she would be the most beautiful woman in a football locker room and that’s about it. I hate these polls, you could go to the mall and find a hotter chick than those thunder thighs

  11. J Z

    I think People Magazine left off a few numbers, it should read Beyonce is the 18,786th most beautiful person in california.

  12. El Jefe

    Look at Jessica Simpson, Hillary Duff, Elizabeth Berkley to name a few. There is no goddamn way that Beyonce was ever pregnant. All this couple do is lie. He won’t claim his first child, his son down in the Caribbean and she won’t just admit she had a surrogate.

  13. Herman Bumfudle

    hey, beautiful mama.

  14. SOB

    I have seen hotter women on “The Chive”, even in her Prime she was never number 1, of course this is all my opinion.

  15. bebop

    From Bill Hicks, “”Here’s another idea that should be punctured, the idea that childbirth is a miracle. I don’t know who started this rumor but it’s not a miracle. No more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out of your butt. It’s a chemical reaction and a biological reaction. You want to know a miracle? A miracle is raising a kid that doesn’t talk in a fucking movie theater . . .”

    • dooood

      i also like this little nugget from bill hicks:
      “A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back he’s gonna want to see a fucking cross?”

      • browny

        Oh thanks so much for this: you made my day, pissing myself laughing.

        and as for beyonce and every other fkng woman who has given birth and said, ‘it is my greatest achievement and now I feel fulfilled and I never knew what love was and everything else in the world is meaningless blah blah blah. Do me a solid and stay home and look after the kid now that you are totally fulfilled because you can’t have it both ways either you are totally fulfilled or you are fucking not.

  16. I kind of figured the comments would be ugly, but damn you people are really cracking the bathroom sink here.

  17. Beyonce Cleavage Pregnant Boobs Worlds Most Beautiful Woman
    who cares
    Commented on this photo:


  18. judging you

    She annoys me so much, in pretty much every way. People’s ‘Most Beautiful’ list is always bs, it should be called ‘Most successful, Willing to Pay/Interview Celebrity That Is Attractive Enough For Us to Get Away With Calling the Most Beautiful’ or ‘This is Who We Think Will Sell the Most Magazines’ list.

  19. Beyonce Cleavage Pregnant Boobs Worlds Most Beautiful Woman
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    Alright we get it, the people voting for the worlds most beautiful woman are not racist, they actually named a black woman the most beautiful. Now is there a real list?

  20. Let’s see; They had J-Lo as the most beautiful last year, Beyonce this year. Nice to see People is diverse.

    People magazine lost all credibility a long time ago. It’s no better than Star Magazine. The National Enquirer is tops in my book.

  21. Buddy the Elf

    No doubt a beautiful woman and fake mother.
    But not even top 20.

    These lists are such a joke.
    Why is the sexiest man or most beautiful woman always someone famous?

    Walk along the beach any given day and you run into more attractive, everyday chicks that actually BIRTH and raise their children.

  22. catapostrophe

    She might be okay-looking now, but just wait till she starts having kids.

  23. Jenny Penny

    Can’t say the same for her kid, knowing who the father is. Yech.

  24. Dramatic Puddle

    Beyonce was never pregnant, and is never going to be the most beautiful woman … she’s just not that special. She faked it all … and I think Gwyneth dear is rubbing off on her because Beyonce won’t STFU these days about how wonderful her kid and her life are. FFS I wish someone would staple this bitch’s lips shut already.

  25. Crissy

    Im sure it’s been said, but I HATE when celebrities want to make giving birth even more special just because THEY had the damn child!!! Fucking STFU! OMG! you are not special! ugh!

  26. Da Cheese

    I’m still trying to understand how much is Jay-Z paying Beyonce or what is he blackmailing her with that would make her want to have sex with him?

  27. Rah

    I think She has gotten more beautiful since childbirth. A little jealous it didn’t happen like that for me. I feel like a giant cow!s

  28. Beyonce Cleavage Pregnant Boobs Worlds Most Beautiful Woman
    Commented on this photo:

    Really who was the blind person judging??

  29. I’m so fucking sick of this new “motherhood is the most beautiful thing in the world” shit. Why does everyone who shits out a baby turn into a pretentious asshole? People have been crapping out babies since the dawn of time. Shut the fuck up about it already.

  30. Gurl please. you ain’t birthed no baby. How can she think people buy that garbage? we all saw her tempurpedic belly fold like a cheap suit during that interview.

  31. Ralph

    I used to fap to Beyonce like there’s no tomorrow, but that was several years ago. She’s not bad looking but she’s not what she used to be, that’s for sure.

    Having said all that, I’d still bang her if she’d let me.

  32. Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

    Let’s face it, any REAL list of the world’s most veautiful women would have either a Frech or Italian woman at the top of the list. My votes, subsequently, go to Sophie Marceau & Monica Bellucci, who, though rather more aged than Beyonce, leave her (as well as millions of other women) stone cold dead in their tracks.

  33. Beyonce Cleavage Pregnant Boobs Worlds Most Beautiful Woman
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    wow she looking so hot and sexy .

  34. Beyonce Cleavage Pregnant Boobs Worlds Most Beautiful Woman
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    People who call her ‘Most beautiful in the world’ must be kidding. She may be the ugliest woman in teh wolrd.

  35. McGee

    There are lots of rumors out there claiming that she takes massive shits every morning after breakfast. That disqualifies her, IMHO.

  36. kpatra

    In my google feed, the ad showing with this post was to go to a petition against teaching homosexual sex to kids in school. WTF. here is a link to the bullshit:


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