Bertney Kisses A Boy

November 20th, 2013 // 17 Comments

Bertney Kisses A Boy
For Grades K – 5

Bertney had to kiss a boy for her new perfume commercial, but Bertney didn’t like kissing boys. And she especially didn’t like commercials.
“But boys’ moufs don’t even taste like Furnch fries!” she told Papa. “And ‘mercials ruin my cartoons,” she said with a pout.
“Now, Bertney,” Papa said. “People won’t buy your perfume if they don’t think it will make them fall in love.”
“How do you fall into love?” Bertney asked. “Wouldn’t that hurt?”
“Well, you see, Bertney. When two people start spending a lot of time together and never want to be apart, that’s called falling in love.”
“Then I falled in love with ice cream!” Bertney laughed.
“Haha, I’d say that’s true,” Papa said with a smile. “Now be a good girl and open your mouth for the nice boy so Santa can bring you lots of presents this year.”
“Presents!” Bertney squealed with a clap. “Oh boy!”
“And if he tries to touch your secret place, tell him he has to pay Papa extra.”
“Haha, Papa, I don’t even know what that means!”

The End

Photos: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. anonymous

    They couldn’t find an older boyfriend? She looks like she’s open mouthed kissing one of her sons.

  2. reinhard heydrich

    they both look like refugees from a bad trailer park.

  3. Goose

    “‘mercials”

    heh

  4. ace11

    wonder if that breath she has was twinkie, Dorito or coffe related on the smooch?

  5. Technically this is only leveled at grade 2nd through 3rd grade. American education, right there, folks.

  6. Britney Spears Making Out With Guy Perfume Music Video Set
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    He has the smoldering masculinity of mayonnaise.

  7. The Cheat

    That 4th shot makes her look like she could be playing defense for the Jets.

  8. Fish, you need to compile these into a book! I’ve lready started defense fund for when them fancy New York lawyers come a-knockin with their dang ol’ slander charges and what not.

  9. This story makes her marriage to Kevin Federline even creepier.

  10. Britney Spears Making Out With Guy Perfume Music Video Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Then I falled in love with ice cream!” Bertney laughed.
    And furnch fries.
    And frahhed chickin’.
    And Yodels.
    And Cheez Doodles.
    And chocklit puddin’.
    And onion rings.

  11. woodhorse

    Apparently Fish moonlights as a ghostwriter for Berenstein Bears.

  12. kery

    She looks good ;)

  13. D-chi

    These make me sadder and sadder.

  14. wut

    “I don’t want to be a werk bitch no more, papa. I want to raise my boys and be a mommy!”

    “Now Bertney, remember what I told you would happen if you keep up that talk? You’ll have your boys taken from you because you can longer form sentences, let alone raise two kids. Now take your Chlorpromazine and go make us some money.”

  15. Britney Spears Making Out With Guy Perfume Music Video Set
    Commented on this photo:

    Aww, that guy seems to make her happy.

Leave A Comment