Ben Affleck Is Not Banging The Nanny

This dog cage however…

Ben Affleck’s divorce was almost a month ago, and it honestly hasn’t been the high-drama spectacle the tabloids want to be. Fortunately, they can just make shit up, so here’s Us Weekly claiming Batfleck is bat-banging the nanny:

When Ouzounian — an employee at a high-end Beverly Hills nanny agency — first started caring for Violet, 9, Seraphina, 6, and Samuel, 3, Affleck and Garner, 43, were in the midst of a secret 10-month trial separation. The Arizona State University communications grad soon developed an attraction to the Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice star.
“They would hang out without the kids,” explains an Ouzounian pal. “And they were very flirty.”
When Garner discovered there was something going on between her estranged husband and Ouzounian, she let the babysitter go. But the ex-sorority girl wasn’t cut from Affleck’s life.
The pair spent time together at Affleck’s new L.A.-area rental on July 17 and, says the Ouzounian pal, were in constant contact over text and email. “She says Ben really, really likes her,” says the friend. “She’s saying this is true love.”

And then Jennifer Garner killed her and hid the body in the attic! Sorry, sorry, I thought we were writing a Lifetime movie. With a goddamn quickness, Ben Affleck’s rep are trying to shoot down the story as it spreads across the Internet because, well, the Internet. Page Six reports:

The story is complete garbage and full of lies. You shouldn’t be able to hide behind ‘blind sources’ and attempt to destroy families going through a difficult time. The tabloid [Us Weekly] decided to construct stories in order to sell magazines. It’s like story time in kindergarten. It’s shameful and desperate,” a rep for Affleck told Page Six on Wednesday.

“It’s like story time in kindergarten. It’s shameful and desperate.” Finally! Someone who understands what I do for a living. Thank you.

UPDATE: Okay, so maybe this did happen.

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