Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner Will Still Live Together, Wait, What?

I’ve never been divorced before because that involves engaging the outside world instead of my jars of pee who always know just what to say, but I’m pretty sure the entire point is to never have to see the other person again in your life except for the exchanging of children in the absence of an intermediary. That’s why people pay out the ass for them, but not Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner who apparently will continue to live in the same house in a high-stakes game of willpower and eventual hand-to-hand combat where tapping out means death. (Calling it.) PEOPLE reports:

“This should not be an ugly divorce,” a source tells PEOPLE of the couple, who had been privately separated for a few months before their public announcement. “They plan on co-parenting and doing absolutely everything in the best interest of the kids.”
Both Affleck and Garner plan to continue living on the same property, the 8,800-sq.-ft. estate in L.A. they purchased in 2009 for $17.5 million. Filing for joint custody will allow Garner, 43, and Affleck, 42, to continue to make Violet, 9, Seraphina, 6, and Samuel, 3, “their top priority,” adds the source.

Of course, all of this should be fun considering the main reason for the divorce is reportedly Ben’s drinking and gambling addiction and not a rumored affair with Blake Lively even though that allegedly happened well over five years ago, but it’s a top search term and daddy needs his SEO, so I’m going to hot link those words in every post. Online journalism! TMZ reports:

The Jen sources say Ben’s drinking and gambling have escalated over the last few years to the point “she couldn’t take it anymore.” Ben’s sources also say he likes to drink and loves to gamble … in fact, Ben has rhapsodized about gambling in interviews.
Sources say “partying” had nothing to do with their problems. Ben did not go out and did not womanize … Jen complained he just drank and gambled too much.

So Ben Affleck wasn’t cheating on Jennifer Garner, he was just occasionally having an enjoyable time without her presence? Holy shit, what a goddamn monster. That fucking bastard. I don’t know how he even looks at himself in the mirror. You’re sick, Ben Affleck, sick in the head. Finding ways to entertain yourself. What in the hell?!

Photo: AKM-GSI