Ashton Kutcher Is Cheating On Mila Kunis, According To Completely Credible Source

I guess I should’ve asked this first, but everyone considers Sara Leal the chick Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore with who then sold the story to Us Weekly a reliable source, right? No? I should probably change that headline. Hollywood Life reports:

A co-worker of Sara’s revealed a photo of Ashton, 35, in his pajamas — a photo her friend sent her. She showed Sara the photo and claimed that her friend was dating him. (It’s like six degrees of Kevin Bacon!)
This friend taunted Sara, saying, “my friend’s dating Ashton — look at this picture of your boy!”
Sara was apprehensive to believe her, but “apparently, the girl was at Ashton’s house in L.A., and obviously someone was with him, but he didn’t know he was in the picture. It was creepy.”
Sara doesn’t know who the girl is because she “didn’t really care.” However, she cared enough to send Mila, 29, a warning.
“It could just be an innocent picture, but I think it’s also possible he’s not dating Mila exclusively. Not just because of that photo, but because he’s cheated before. That would definitely be a red flag for me, if I were dating someone who’d cheated on their wife. I would hate for Mila to have the same experience as Demi. I wouldn’t wish that situation on anyone,” she says.

[Note to Self: Mail every single person in that story AIDS.] Look, Ashton Kutcher may be a giant pedantic douche, but cheating on Demi Moore made sense because she’s old and even he’s self-aware enough to know that banging Mila Kunis is a goddamn gift from God that he had absolutely zero business receiving. Also, you can tell when Ashton Kutcher cheats because he goes on nonsensical rants about gatekeepers because someone caught him penising another chick in a Vegas hot tub. “The other day I found myself asking, what is the cost structure of truth? Is it not in the keeping of gates that we find ourselves gated to keep in gate-like structures? Or is it the gates themselves that keep us in gates of keeps? — Wow, I have no idea what I just wrote. I rape gates in my neighborhood when no one’s looking. That’s the point I’m trying to make here.”

Photos: Splash News