Kabbalah Will Save Ashton & Demi. Again.

October 3rd, 2011 // 24 Comments

Seen here leaving a Kabbalah center over the weekend where judging by the quality, I’m assuming he was photographed by cops on a stakeout – “Yeah, this is Charlie 9, we got Jewish mysticism going on. Repeat Jewish mysticism. Send bagels. Over.” – Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are reportedly turning to their fad religion to save their marriage even though they went right to the goddamn tap a year ago and here we are again. Via Page Six:

Ashton “looked worried” while Demi left out of a side door to avoid being seen. Reports said the couple had been undergoing Kabbalah counseling in recent months. Their reps again stayed silent last night.

ASHTON: Jedi Master, how we can repair that which I have broken?
JEDI MASTER: Purchase this red piece of string for $19.99 and wear it about your wrist. Then, and only then, can you resist the allure of younger, more attractive poon.
DEMI: But what of my feelings of hurt and betrayal?
JEDI MASTER: JESUS! Did that corpse just talk? I told them this new incense was making me see shit.

(Stop me if I’m getting warm.)

Photos: INFdaily


  1. Keep it Positive

    Just get it over with already. These morons are less interesting the Salahis at this point

  2. Dude of Dudes

    So how is it Jesus gets counseling from jews again? If I recall correctly that had a bad ending the first time around.

  3. Ay Dios mio

    Jesus Christ between gigs

  4. Obi Wan Kenobi

    Get a haircut and a shave you dirty hippie!

  5. lily

    he looks like crap, but none of this is surprising. NEXT.

  6. never trust anyone in a suit or tie. it’s the mark of the devil (read wall street, big business..) and dockers for like 60 year olds wtf shes aging him worse than herself

  7. forrest gump

    ……….when pray’s aren’t fruiful any longer, folks!!

  8. I’m not saying it’s for certain…but if I were Ashton, I’d be on the lookout for an invisible alien wizard casting spells of sexual addiction on me. I mean nothing else would explain why he’d be chasing other women with Demi at home…

    • dramkit

      Yes, it’s like he doesn’t even notice the colour of a booby flashing chick’s scarf. That deviant.

  9. Rocío

    lol youre sweet and funny SW, i love you :D

  10. I guess if Jesus can build my hot rod, then Kabbalah can keep the cougar fantasy alive. It’s all just a matter of perspective.

  11. Venom

    I can’t stand this homeless looking tool anymore.
    I won’t be watching Two and a half men anymore.

  12. cc

    Are you sure this is what he was attending? Being all dressed up like that, I assumed he was attending a gubernatorial ball.

  13. David H

    Those kabalah centers are a joke, and who run them is a thief, the sad part is that people pay a lot of money and they don’t study real kabalah

  14. Frank Burns

    Its not so much marriage therapy as a dark magic ritual to replace Demi’s black, molasses-like blood with that of vestal virgins, to retard the aging process. Then they all have a bagel with a shmear!

  15. ChurchLeola

    my best friend’s mom makes $77 an hour on the computer. She has been out of job for 9 months but last month her check was $7487 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read about it here CashLazy . cÓm

  16. Mark

    They are barely registering as reality stars now. And about that interesting too.

  17. wft

    These two are dull. Demi married a boy 15 years younger then her. What did she expect? He’d stay home and knit with her instead of chasing young girls around?

  18. Phil Shubano

    so he got tired of sucking Demi’s dick … big deal

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