Kabbalah Will Save Ashton & Demi. Again.
Seen here leaving a Kabbalah center over the weekend where judging by the quality, I’m assuming he was photographed by cops on a stakeout – “Yeah, this is Charlie 9, we got Jewish mysticism going on. Repeat Jewish mysticism. Send bagels. Over.” – Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are reportedly turning to their fad religion to save their marriage even though they went right to the goddamn tap a year ago and here we are again. Via Page Six:
Ashton “looked worried” while Demi left out of a side door to avoid being seen. Reports said the couple had been undergoing Kabbalah counseling in recent months. Their reps again stayed silent last night.
ASHTON: Jedi Master, how we can repair that which I have broken?
JEDI MASTER: Purchase this red piece of string for $19.99 and wear it about your wrist. Then, and only then, can you resist the allure of younger, more attractive poon.
DEMI: But what of my feelings of hurt and betrayal?
JEDI MASTER: JESUS! Did that corpse just talk? I told them this new incense was making me see shit.
(Stop me if I’m getting warm.)