Ashley Greene is Drunkenly Banging Randoms Now

March 23rd, 2011 // 54 Comments

Following her break-up with Joe Jonas, Twilight star Ashley Greene has been literally clubbing every night since, and now it looks she’s banging any dude who doesn’t have a purity ring on. Like this guy. I mean, just look at his face. Lucky bastard has no clue what just happened. “Bro, I don’t even know. Walked into the bar, ordered a PBR – Totes badass, I know. – and the next thing I know this chick is all over me saying something like, ‘Put your hard cock in me, Satan,’ and then a bunch of talk about gay brothers watching me ‘gay her in the butt’ because ‘that’s all you ever do.’ It was INSANE. Also, what the fuck is a Twilight? Should I know what that is? Because she seemed quite adamant that I should when she took her pants off and laughed at her own vagina. Which ended in fucking, by the way, and not her throwing up and blacking out on the bed which I took for consent. Haha! Who does that? Certainly not me, haha, who wants to shop for vinyl? Let’s shop for vinyl.” *shifty eyes*

Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the look on my face EVERY time a girl says “Yes, I’ll have sex with you!”

  2. Nom Nom

    Sign me up. Next!

  3. Ray Sist

    I’ll go second.

  4. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck *is* a twilight?

  5. Deacon Jones

    So is this how you dudes get laid on the West Coast?

    Slap on a pair of vans, and the ole’ hooded sweatshirt with vinyl jacket and you’re pulling Ashley Green tail?

    I’m tempted to come out there and show you how it’s done. And then I’m trashing GW’s apartment.

    • The hardest part is listening to them talk. It ain’t easy, brother. A few hours of conversation with any woman in LA is enough to make a man stab his own penis.

  6. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    I really don’t find her attractive

  7. anonym

    Ashley greene has one of the flattest asses I’ve ever seen.

    who cares who she fucks. There are plenty of girls better looking in hollywood

  8. Def diggin the darker hair on her~ and those thighs mmmmh!!

  9. The Critical Crassness

    Don’t judge Ashley too harshly, after all she did just spend two years playing Joe Jonas’ “beard”. That had to take a great deal of dedication to her craft to pull off that role for so long. Remember the last girl in that role, prior to her, lost it in public, then ended up in rehab for personal issues.
    If all she does is get publicly “falling down” drunk and bang random dudes, she is ahead of the game. If Taylor Swift had been honest she would have done the same thing, instead of writing a cheesy-assed song about him.

  10. Snickers

    This many guys want to fuck a chick with a Michael Jackson nose?

  11. Banging Randoms?

    Hi,- my name is Random – James Random.

  12. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    She has the tiniest little nose…. so cute :-)

  13. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Haha i think he’s cute.

  14. Cock Dr

    More rambling text evidence that the blogger may be insane.

  15. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Hot sexy mess, sign me up/

  16. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Id say that landed the best pussy he ever had, but she looks like a lay there and fake it kind of girl.

  17. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    When he had the hoodie down he looked like a tool, but now that he has it over his head he totally looks like Ben Affleck. Which I guess is kind of the same thing.

  18. sasha


    • The Critical Crassness

      Sasha , the only thing bullshit here is you and your need to shout!
      Take a chill pill and call us when you realize that you have no idea what the hell is going on with Ashley Greene, just like everyone else here. The difference is we don;t really care, we are just being sarcastic, which is what the website is all about…..Sarcasm and humor!

  19. nonminti

    she’s too much in extremities.At first she finds a guy with a purity ring and glows from goodness,now she is drunk and I hope she knows this guy.Hm…if she was a vampire she may drink this guy.Ooops,too odd.

    • The Critical Crassness

      Note to nonminti: Joe Jonas quickly ditched his ring after starting to date Ashley Greene. She didn’t put one on and pretend to be all pure and shit. However, she was ultimately unable to convert him to pussy from his butt-buddy preferences.

  20. next thing she’ll do is bang a Marvel comics artist.

  21. That's Retarded

    That’s Retarded

  22. Nefilim

    I am willing to be her drunken random…ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANYWAY!

  23. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    I think that’s her brother.. They look a lot alike.

  24. Team Edward? Team Jacob? Team Has-a-Penis.

  25. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Kaywoodie Sucker
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh man, I am so glad I didn’t rub that one out before I went to singles night at Starbucks”.

  26. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll just put this iPad in my pants, take a pic, and it to that Jonas guy so he knows what he’s missing.

  27. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    That random’s name is apparently Dickey Doo. No idea what that means, but i’m guessing she hired a gay porn star that has a continual hankering for scooby snacks.

  28. minx

    Normally I think she’s gorgeous, but when she gets too pale and her hair gets too dark, the resemblance to Michael Jackson is uncanny.

  29. jojo

    So the gay english guy and the First Nation dude on steroids didn’t work out? A two strike whore is easy pickens.

  30. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she’s actually banging the chick.

  31. one legged

    all hot hot model type chicks have sex all the time within 2 months during their entire womanhood, until at least 40 – real life true story…

  32. the captain

    the option: WORKING IN A BROTHEL will continue to be on her mind.

  33. Ashley Greene Drunk
    dick swells
    Commented on this photo:

    Her next fling will be with annie dick-L-do

  34. Ashley Greene Drunk
    dick swells
    Commented on this photo:

    any dick will do

  35. Licensed Gynocologist

    This makes me want to search the internet for her nudes.

  36. Ashley Greene Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    From the skeevy jacket to the idiotic look on his face, a winner. Hear that Charlies?

  37. Kirsten

    Why did you have to make a date rape joke? I don’t think I’m going to read your site anymore.

    • cowbulls

      Kirsten, attitudes like yours are the reason that real rapes don’t get convicted. Ashley was of age and willing. She knew damn well that if she wanted to get drunk and spread her legs that a million men would be very happy to accommodate her. I say congratulations to the lucky guy that was at the right place at the right time.

  38. Ashley Greene Drunk
    The Ugly Truth
    Commented on this photo:

    Tom Hanks?

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