Arnold Schwarzenegger & Maria Shriver Separated

May 10th, 2011 // 80 Comments

After sticking by him for years and defending him against accusations of groping women throughout his movie career to bolster his chances for governor, Willem Dafoe Maria Shriver has left Arnold Schwarzenegger. The LA Times reports:

“This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us,” the statement read. “After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion and prayer, we came to this decision together. At this time, we are living apart while we work on the future of our relationship.
“We are continuing to parent our four children together. They are the light and the center of both of our lives. We consider this a private matter and neither we nor any of our friends or family will have further comment. We ask for compassion and respect from the media and the public.”

According to TMZ, the separation has been a long time coming and things only got worse after Arnold jumped back into acting. Because you know who doesn’t get to grope women? People who aren’t in movies. That’s in the Bible:

Sources say the couple has spent “very little time together” for several years. Maria was frequently absent from Sacramento while Arnold was Governor.
The situation got worse once Arnold left office and decided he wanted to resurrect his movie career. Maria felt Arnold was becoming more erratic — more “unstable.”

Considering these are the two most leathery, weathered people on God’s green earth, I can’t even imagine why they wouldn’t ride this thing out knowing full well no one else will find them sexually attractive. Friends are probably trying to help Arnold by asking him what features he finds attractive in a woman, but he only responds with, “Auschwitz. Make her look like de Predatah in Auschwitz,” before bursting into tear until someone drives him to the mall for a round of “goosemonstah.” It’s all he has left…

Photos: INFdaily


  1. the captain


  2. Deacon Jones

    Having read his autobiography, I’m surprised he even got married in the first place. This guy couldnt keep his dick in his pants to save his life. He’s still fucking awesome though.

  3. Smaug

    A marriage ending in a divorce? no!

  4. Get to da choppa!!

  5. Hugh Gentry

    How much longer until Russell and Katy separate??

  6. Deacon Jones

    “Listen, loyalty is very touching. But it is not the most important thing in your life right now! But what IS important is gravity! I have to remind you Sully, this is my weak arm!”

  7. TomFrank

    Oh, I’d still do her. And not because she’s a Kennedy. Okay, okay…not JUST because she’s a Kennedy.

  8. Kodos


    “Considah dat a divorss!”
    “That was your wife? What a bitch.”

  9. g-moonie

    I’m sure she lost respect years ago for the man who pretends he’s 6′-1″, but is actually 5′-3″ at best. There’s only so many times a wife can watch her husband slip into elevator shoes.

    • Rico

      Lol Stupid comment. You must be thinking of Stallone. Arnold’s physical stats are well documented from his bodybuilding days. He is over 6 feet.

      • TomFrank

        Well, in the world of Last Action Hero, Stallone IS Schwarzenegger.

      • g-moonie

        Bodybuilding stats?!? Really Rico? That argument is about as legit as Pro Wrestling. True, I was exaggerating about the whole 5′-3″ thing, but there is WAY too many personal encounter stories that put him at 5′-8″ to 5′-9″. When he’s not wearing his clown shoes, that is.

    • Little Girl

      I’ve actually seen Arnold and he really is over 6 feet tall. So there…. But, they are both morons anyway.

  10. BigHead86

    ” Now, this is the plan. Get your ass to Mars!”

  11. ChinaSuperficial

    Fish – Come on, Arnold unable to pull women? He will show every 20 something actor in Hollywood how to manage a harem. Arnold is an immigrant success story, the personification of testosterone, and rich (US$200million). He is a frikkin God among men.

    • gyromancer

      He may be a God among men (please contain your hero worship, it’s really embarassing), but among women he’s considered a Grade A Douchebag and no one’s queuing to be a sacrifice at that altar. Part of a harem? Don’t make me laugh. It’s obvious just thinking about him means you’ll have to change your jockeys, but just cuz you find him hot doesn’t mean women do, too. You probably get stiff for Donald Trump too, since he’s also rich and “the personification of testosterone” [jesus, are you for fucking real?], right?), but the only pussy he’ll be pulling is what he can buy. Hey, just like Charlie Sheen! And we all know how that’s going, don’t we? He’s a cigar chomping, mean-practical-joker and an overbearing douchebag with an unenviable rep of bullying and harassing every woman he comes into contact with – that’s not even remotely sexy.

      • ChinaSuperficial

        Gyromancer – Donald Trump got his money from his parents. Arnold made his. The women he dated before marrying Shriver clearly don’t share your hatred for dominant men.
        Some people just don’t like to see an immigrant make it in America. But his positive attitude, hard work and patriotism are why he is the governator, and you are … well, less.

    • Little Girl

      Have you ever been to Austria. I have, and no wonder he never goes back there. It is really beautiful, but it is sooooooooooooooo depressing that you want to kill yourself. All of the locals walk around with long faces and look like everyday is going to be the end of the earth.

  12. Cock Dr

    One of the strangest celebrity couplings ever.
    The offspring must be distinctive looking. No doubt we’ll soon see some shots of them stumbling out of the clubs bleary eyed & smeared with powders.

  13. That Guy

    Hasta La Vista, Marriage.

  14. Jimbo

    It could not have happened to a nicer guy. Now I hope the asshole moves out of the state. He has done enough damage here, the fucking girly man…

    • Deacon Jones

      That’s one thing I never understood, his desire to be governor. Unless he just viewed it as a necessary stepping stone towards the presidency. Which would’ve been interesting.

      • TomFrank

        Which of course can’t happen now. Not just because of his lasting unpopularity as governor, but also because half his natural consistency got so upset that a black man was elected president, they ended any hope Arnold had for repealing that pesky natural-born citizen clause.

    • TomFrank


      • Dr. Propionate

        He wanted to be in politics because he is a power hungry little shit, and, because he can never run for president, she want to dump him. Maria is just as power hungry as him. These two douches don’t need a divorce they deserve each other, and, it appears that God made for each other, they are really one in the same. Discussing as it is.

  15. Ma-WEE-ahh…I’ll be back!

  16. Ouddy

    Time to PARTY for Arnold since he dont have to be goody too choo as a governer anymore. Good move Arnold.

  17. youcandieNOW

    There was room for only one strong jawline in that marraige.

  18. Richard McBeef

    Awww, that’s too bad. They have been together ever since she played opposite Arnold in Predator.

  19. Arnold Schwarzenegger Maria Shriver Separated
    Commented on this photo:

    creature from the black lagoon…

  20. Arnold Schwarzenegger Maria Shriver Separated
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s better off without her.


  21. BanDit82BaBy

    Considering the Kennedy Family cut ole Skeletor off for marring The Sperminator, I’d get rid of that Austrian trainwreck too!!!

  22. Vivian

    They are getting divorced? The wife put up with his crap all these years and now she wants a divorce? what a bitch!

    Anyway, good luck to Arnold, I bet his skin is sagging everywhere including his dick, yeah yeah there’s always viagra but honestly, how long can he keep it up? and what woman would want to be around that? strippers, porn stars and hired escorts? well, he’ll soon be partying with Charlie Sheen.

  23. Mandi

    Willem Dafoe!! ahahahahahahahahaha

  24. I’m not surprised. It had to be hard to keep a marriage going with him living in the governors mansion and running the state government, and her living in Snake Mountain and constantly trying to conquer Castle Greyskull.

  25. I find this news troublesome. On the one hand, he’s a notorious grope-fiend and she’s a huge bitch. On the other, it’s Ahhnuld, the greatest one-liner-delivering cyborg ever created through Nazi science and steroids and you just want to see a guy like that do well.

  26. Rancid

    I’m not saying that she’s starting to look like the Predator, but one morning he looked over at her and said “You are one ugly mather-fucker”

    Now he’ll be banging 20-year-old gym girls. Poor guy.

    • Amy

      I’m not saying 20-year-old gym girls are the apex of human insight, but dude, have some respect! It’s not like they are desperate! Who the fuck, besides ChinaSuperficial, would fuck that dehydrated carcass?

      • Richard McBeef

        $$$$$$ = Grade A Pussy

      • Deacon Jones


        Look at the tail Hugh Hefner pulls, and he’s broke.

        AHNOLD is richer and younger by 25, 30 years. And there is a limitless supply out there of skanks looking for 1. Money 2. Attention. Especially in Cali

      • Uh, like Charlie Sheen’s “goddesses”? Dude, if you think that’s “Grade A pussy” then you’re grading on one helluva sad curve.

      • Richard McBeef

        3 grade C pussies, simultaneously, is more or less equal to one grade A pussy.

      • Yeah, I tried that argument on my college admisisons board, that 3C’s=1A. Didn’t work there, either. Quantity ain’t the same thing as quality, which is why eating three hamburgers doesn’t equal dining on one prime porterhouse. .

    • otto

      what justifiable said. and Deacon Jones, you are kind of an idiot if you think that the last 20 years of hugh hefners life have not been completely fake. No one wants to tap that. and it’s not “Cali”, it’s California.

  27. At some point Maria must have thought… “Well then… I guess he WON’T be back….”

  28. Dahh, vinning.

  29. Bob

    In an interview he gave he once said there are 3 things to be successful 1, come to America (lol), 2, work your ass off, 3, marry a Kennedy. He wanted to be President now that’s not happening he doesn’t need her anymore. Simples.

    • If Obama can fake a birth certificate, so can he.

    • Since he was born in Austria and neither parent was a US citizen, there was never a hope of his being Prez from the get-go. He found out that being governor was much harder – and more frustrating – then he thought before his first term was up, because he just phoned it in all during his second term. SHE didn’t need to hang around HIM any more now that he’s no longer in public office, so he gets kicked to the curb.

  30. anonym

    willem dafoe………. good call

  31. Cardinal Fang

    If he likes his women with pointy chins there is always Reese Witherspoon

  32. Arnold Schwarzenegger Maria Shriver Separated
    Commented on this photo:

    Skeletor and the Beast… Yikes!

  33. Deacon Jones

    [reading ID] “Joseph P. Brenner. What’s the “P” stand for? ”

    “Pussy. “

  34. Deacon Jones

    “You remember my son Blair?”
    “Yeah. We went to a few ball games together. He joined the bureau, didn’t he? ”
    “Yeah. ”
    ” How is he? ”
    [pauses] “Dead. “

  35. Deacon Jones

    “Get in my way again and I’ll kill ya. ”

    {smiles} “I hope your not your mother’s only child. “

  36. Just RJ

    “There’s something out there waiting for us and it ain’t no man. We’re all gonna die.”

  37. cc

    I guess ‘eating is not cheating’ is not as persuasive an argument as he’d hoped.

  38. Deacon Jones

    “Yackity Yack, DON”T TALK BACK”

  39. Deacon Jones

    “Thank you for the cookies. I look forward to tossing them.”

  40. The New York Times

    She needs to transition into the Peace Corps. just as was suggested by her relatives for the rest of America to do.

  41. Joel

    He mid-life crisis, she menopause.

    These two are the most uber privileged jerks on the planet.

    Her only problem is that she has too much money and doesn’t know what to do next, boo hoo, let’s see, how about cleaning your own house or maybe, just being a normal person. No one really cares about you and Arnold and what you’re both going to do next, or not do, only you two care. Both of you need to get a real life.

  42. Dr. Propionate

    Her outfit looks like a leisure suit that she’s had lying around her closet from the early ’70s.

  43. Arnold Schwarzenegger Maria Shriver Separated
    Commented on this photo:

    your marriege is terminated!

  44. Artofwar

    …..The writer makes it a point to emphasizes how Maria Shriver, has been miserable for years—and for many years, that Shakespearean tragedy she calls a face has been making anyone with functioning eyeballs miserable.

    The mug on that woman— dear God!!!

    Frankly, I’m shocked that it’s not Arnold on bended knees begging for divorce—- or better yet, demanding one at gun point…..Artofwar

  45. tlmck

    Too early to hit on her?

  46. “Who is your daddy and what does he do?”

  47. Elf

    Bah! I betcha Arnold just watched her leave the house while saying: “Hasta La Vista, baby!”

  48. Arnold Schwarzenegger Maria Shriver Separated
    Commented on this photo:

    Turns out He-Man and Skeletor can’t be friends after all.

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