After sticking by him for years and defending him against accusations of groping women throughout his movie career to bolster his chances for governor,
Willem Dafoe Maria Shriver has left Arnold Schwarzenegger. The LA Times reports:
“This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us,” the statement read. “After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion and prayer, we came to this decision together. At this time, we are living apart while we work on the future of our relationship.
“We are continuing to parent our four children together. They are the light and the center of both of our lives. We consider this a private matter and neither we nor any of our friends or family will have further comment. We ask for compassion and respect from the media and the public.”
According to TMZ, the separation has been a long time coming and things only got worse after Arnold jumped back into acting. Because you know who doesn’t get to grope women? People who aren’t in movies. That’s in the Bible:
Sources say the couple has spent “very little time together” for several years. Maria was frequently absent from Sacramento while Arnold was Governor.
The situation got worse once Arnold left office and decided he wanted to resurrect his movie career. Maria felt Arnold was becoming more erratic — more “unstable.”
Considering these are the two most leathery, weathered people on God’s green earth, I can’t even imagine why they wouldn’t ride this thing out knowing full well no one else will find them sexually attractive. Friends are probably trying to help Arnold by asking him what features he finds attractive in a woman, but he only responds with, “Auschwitz. Make her look like de Predatah in Auschwitz,” before bursting into tear until someone drives him to the mall for a round of “goosemonstah.” It’s all he has left…