Arnold Schwarzenegger Actually Thinks He Won Maria Shriver Back By Making Her Look Stupid

October 1st, 2012 // 23 Comments
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Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s memoirs Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story hits bookstands tomorrow, so naturally he’s spent the past few days doing promotional appearances where he’s either confirmed banging Brigitte Nielsen while living with Maria Shriver before they were married or immediately noticing the son of the maid he banged looked exactly like him so he started paying her more money assuming that “put this away.” All information that publicly embarrasses the shit out of Maria Shriver, so naturally The Governator thinks he still has a chance to grope his way back into her heart. Via Mediaite:

He said that, in the aftermath of his actions, it “takes time” to rebuild trust with his family and with Shriver. Nonetheless, he holds out hope that he will be able to repair his relationship to Shriver, saying he’s sure she hopes that “we can all be together.”

While it’s admirable Arnold wants to put his family back together and atone for his mistakes, maybe a good idea would’ve been, oh I dunno, not letting Maria Shriver find out how many times you cheated on her just now through a book you refused to give her an advance copy of because “it’s your money” which is exactly what happened. TMZ reports:

Arnold fessed up to cheating on Maria multiple times during his interview with “60 Minutes” last night … saying Maria knew about ALL of his trysts.
But one source close to Maria tells us … “BULLSH*T” — saying Maria never would have defended him against all of the groping claims several years ago had she known Arnold was stepping out. The source also says Maria would have ended the marriage had Arnold told her.

Of course, Arnold read all that as, “My predatah mandibles are dripping so vet for your Austrian manhood dat maybe you vant to invite dat nice mulatto women ovah from down da street to join us? And by us I mean I vait in the other room and tend to da children.”

Adding… You’ll notice I included pics of drunk Brigitte Nielsen because let’s not pretend Arnold wouldn’t still hit that. “Look at her just lying dere vaiting for me to grope her. I bet she’s even ovoolating.”

Photo: Getty, Pacific Coast News


  1. Al Bundy

    She’ll be baaak.

  2. Brigitte Nielsen Drunk In A Public Park
    Roseanne Barr
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a linebacker for the Vikings.

  3. When did Maria start talking with an Austrian accent? As a Kennedy, she should sound more like Mayor Quimby. (So “predatah” still works.)

  4. NattyIce

    “I gave the cleaning woman the same face. All da women cannot resist the Arnold and my lady killa’ face I make.”

  5. Brigitte Nielsen Drunk In A Public Park
    Commented on this photo:

    My question is this: Why in the fuck did anyone ever think this asshole wouldn’t do these things?! He’s an Austrian body builder on steroids with no acting talent- I’m sure he won’t do anything douchey or cheat on his wife! Let’s make him governor!

    God, we are so stupid.

  6. Brigitte Nielsen Drunk In A Public Park
    Commented on this photo:

    The devil always collects in the end…

  7. Deacon Jones

    I/m not really sure why he would write this book about all his dirt, its not like he needs money

  8. Arlene

    Some people think Maria Shriver was a victim. I think of it as one less ugly person fucking.

  9. Bane

    Maria says “bullshit”?!?!

    Does she not own a mirror?

  10. Eddie Baby

    He tossed that chick off on Stallone when she was hot. Unlikely he would have much to do with her now.

    Remember. Crazy bitches kill.

  11. Brigitte Nielsen Drunk In A Public Park
    Commented on this photo:

    Public intoxication – vomiting in a park. What a sad and utterly vile life. This woman is mother to four kids. I feel pity for her. Sorry; I just do.

  12. THIS JUST IN from the Maria Shriver camp:
    “Arnold Schwarzenegger is as full of shit as a Christmas goose, and an idiot to boot!”

  13. “Dis is correct! We haf maid…I mean we haf made up.”

  14. Cpm

    ALL Kennedy women know their husbands cheat because that is the kind of men they are brought up to be attracted to. The funniest part about 60 Minutes was Leslie Stahl’s “B-b-but she gave up a career in TELEVISION for you!” , like that’s the greatest sacrifice anybody could ever make. Arnold was pulling huge paychecks then. He could have done SO much better.

  15. What an idiot

    Ol’ ahnuld has the same problem all entitled people have: a disconnect from reality. Generally speaking, “Mr. Governator”, a woman responds better to you treating her respectfully, actually giving a damn what she’s thinking and being involved in her life. Saying “You vill do azz I say; now take mee back nohw” just doesn’t work…

  16. Lavandar

    There are worse things that he could have done besides banging the maid. Who cares? I guess if you live in LA LA land…you might feel snookered, but the rest of us in the fly over states could care less about Arnold, and as for Maria…she knows what she was getting into.

  17. Maria knew exactly what was going on. She’s just trying to save face because she’s a Kennedy.

  18. Heheheh “Ovoolating”. :D

  19. Gina


  20. Brigitte Nielsen Drunk In A Public Park
    Commented on this photo:

    The maid is better looking than Maria.

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