Ariel Winter Is Single

Now that we’ve solved the mysteries of the universe, I think we’ve earned the right to stare directly into Ariel Winter’s butthole like she’s clearly asking us to in this Instagram post after confirming that she’s single. I serve at the pleasure of m’lady (provided she has a suitable SEO rank and a backlog of photo galleries starring boobs, the other white meat).

That was one of those times where I sound like a serial killer, wasn’t it? But maybe like a cool one? No? Dammit.

2 million!!! Wow! I can't believe it…love you guys so much ❤️ #thankyou #love

A photo posted by Ariel Winter (@arielwinter) on

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