February 23, 2006
Whitney Houston can't sing
People are talking about how bad Whitney Houston was performing at the Olympics in Turin. "Nowhere close to a gold-medal performance, nor even a bronze contender," a witness said.
Houston coughed, sniffled and talked her way through one song and told the crowd: "Why did they choose to do this outdoors? I don't sing in the cold. It makes my voice funny." Her hit, "I Will Always Love You," quickly became "her all-time low moment," the witness reports. Unable to reach the high notes, "Whitney smiled, waved and winked to the fans. Karaoke drag queens can belt it out better."
Maybe Whitney would have been more successful singing some of her more recent hits, like "Crack is my muse" and "That damn cat keeps pissing in my hair." Of course she'd be even more successful renting herself out to local haunted houses during Halloween. The kids would be like "yeah, Freddy Krueger was pretty scary, but not as bad as the witch offering to blow me for crystal meth."
Previous Entries
» Kevin Federline sports mystery woman» Kid Rock sues to stop sex tape
» Jake Gyllenhaal is the Godfather
» Lindsay Lohan talks about Lindsay Lohan
» Mary-Kate Olsen is not a role model


Comments
1. Posted by SuperSpence on February 23, 2006 12:34 PM
And I -- eeeeayyyye -- eeeeayyyye -- will always love blo-o-o-o-w!
2. Posted by asmith on February 23, 2006 12:38 PM
I saw Whitney perform on my 21st birthday...and that was....um...12 years ago. She was fantastic and extremely classy. I am SO saddened to see what's happened to her. She went from being one of my favorite top 5 performers/singers to being NOWHERE on my list....and my list is about a gazillion people long. Really...that long!
3. Posted by Saucie on February 23, 2006 12:42 PM
On a more positive note for Ms. Houston were her medal performances at the recent Crack Ho Olympics.
Snorting - Gold (Kate Moss won a resounding Silver)
Shooting Up - Bronze Not her best event but still a medal
Smokin' - Gold again! No one can touch her in this event. She is a true world champ and competitor. Beautiful form and finish with a non-drooling loss of conciousness.
Gum Rubbing - DQ
4. Posted by Tania on February 23, 2006 12:47 PM
What the story failed to mention was that she did however win a Gold medal for her crack smoking perfomance.
But they took it back when she tried to smoke it.
5. Posted by ESQ on February 23, 2006 12:53 PM
In addition to comment #1 -
"And I -- eeeeayyyye -- eeeeayyyye -- will need blo-o-o-o-w to you!
6. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 23, 2006 01:01 PM
Yeah I got something for the entertainment promoter in charge of the Olympics.....
(Bug breaks open shotgun and commences to add shells)
7. Posted by djyuckfou on February 23, 2006 01:19 PM
??? why would you hire that as a performer, shes been retarted for like years now - that makes zero sense
8. Posted by Darby on February 23, 2006 01:21 PM
ya that is sad but that's what you get for polluting your body for years and thinking it;s not going to bite you in the ass later.
9. Posted by Zanna on February 23, 2006 01:22 PM
Is that her face or her ass?
10. Posted by miadm2002 on February 23, 2006 01:22 PM
Can't feel sorry for someone who doesn't want help. She knows Bobby is no good for her or her career, but hangs on to him anyway. I guess she prefes to look like a coat rack with a bad wig instead of the Whitney Houston we once knew.
11. Posted by bafongu on February 23, 2006 01:31 PM
#9, that is a rare far eastern skin condition called Zachries. Her face look zachrie like her ass.
12. Posted by SMF121490 on February 23, 2006 01:32 PM
See kids, that is what happens when you smoke too much crack.
13. Posted by gogoboots on February 23, 2006 01:43 PM
Dude this is a testament to how crack messes your life up. I came across this picture of BB and her at an airport and it looked like they had been smoking crack during the entire flight. Whatta MESS!
14. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 23, 2006 01:53 PM
#13, I don't think that was B. Brown.
#10, when you have a drug lifestyle, having someone around to do it with or to at least clean up after you is very important.
She needs him around, and although she MAY actually think she loves him, if she walked into a fucking meeting and lay off the shit for a while, she woud wake up and be all "Holy Crap, what the hell was I doing?"
15. Posted by Spindoc on February 23, 2006 02:02 PM
It's scary imagining all the lice in that wig huddled in fear that she might sing again.
16. Posted by my_glorious_lawn on February 23, 2006 02:13 PM
Shame cause her singing voice is so beautiful. Maybe they should have got Michael Jackson instead to sing it, probably couldn't tell the two apart. Both look like woman. Cold weather is perfect for plastic surgery victims.
17. Posted by lysistrata11 on February 23, 2006 02:14 PM
She looks like that crazy old lady in the nursing home who always has her hair dyed but you're not sure why because it looks terrible. You know, the one who sits in the corner looking at the floor and talking to herself but occasionally looks up to smile at people whose names she can't remember. Wait, she'd be in rehab acting like that, not a nursing home.
18. Posted by sjb16 on February 23, 2006 02:23 PM
It's a shame cuz Whitney Houston used to be such a pretty girl, look @ what the crack did to her, I can't believe it!
http://www.imdb.com/gallery/granitz/0154-mtv/Events/0154-mtv/houstonw.hit?path=pgallery&path_key=Houston,%20Whitney
19. Posted by mrs.t on February 23, 2006 02:26 PM
#11, You are awesome.
20. Posted by LOOKWHATICANDO on February 23, 2006 02:28 PM
Tania,, That was just plain wrong..
21. Posted by Shaun on February 23, 2006 02:33 PM
Hahahahahaha. The Superficial's opener and these comments are great!! I am going to laugh all day about this one. Thanks.
She reminds me of the Wizard of Oz in that picture. A mix between the Scarecrow and the Lion.
22. Posted by tracyp on February 23, 2006 02:47 PM
EEGADS....I had to sign up to just say shitty she looks.
23. Posted by billabong021 on February 23, 2006 03:00 PM
lol, thats a pretty messed up pic of witney up thre, kinda looks like shes about to choke on sme crak smoke.
24. Posted by gjp on February 23, 2006 03:16 PM
All I can say is make sure you are half-way put together before leaving the house, or run the risk of having your homeless mug shot on every tabloid and website. How difficult is it to put on some lipstick and comb your hair/wig?
25. Posted by PandoraKnight on February 23, 2006 03:22 PM
This is just a sad story. A true what drugs do to you poster girl.
26. Posted by ProtonMan on February 23, 2006 03:56 PM
Hey listen everyone, not all is lost for Whitney considering the fact she won gold for being so bloody ugly.
27. Posted by Kelly on February 23, 2006 04:09 PM
Poor Whitney. All she can fall back on is "i'll blow you for blow"
28. Posted by Mr. Fritz on February 23, 2006 04:18 PM
My grandfather lived near Whitney Houston's childhood home in New Jersey. She lived near a development called The Oranges. I don't know how it is today, but it was scary back in the 80's. We would have to drive through there and it was nasty. As they say, "You can take the girl out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the girl".
29. Posted by LaydeeBug on February 23, 2006 04:55 PM
I read where Whitney thanked her fans for their prayers for her and all their support. Well I guess they ain't praying for her cuz she's still smoking the old crackola. It looks like they're praying for me beacuse I'm still clean.
Sorry, Whitney, I didn't mean to cock-block and mainline your prayers.
30. Posted by Redd Foxx on February 23, 2006 05:09 PM
Wow. That picture. Wow.
31. Posted by Oh Darling on February 23, 2006 06:02 PM
Maybe Whitney would have been more successful singing some of her more recent hits, like "Crack is my muse" and "That damn cat keeps pissing in my hair."
I was drinking milk while reading this... (Which really isn't the best combination) It made me gag, fall over, spit out my milk, and laugh. So now there's this puddle of milk on my floor.
#6, I agree.
32. Posted by BarbadoSlim on February 23, 2006 06:30 PM
Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston are, pound for pound, THE MOST DISGUSTING people in America right now.
33. Posted by urylia on February 23, 2006 10:12 PM
I had to make an account just to comment on this:
Back in the 80s-early 90s Whitney Houston was THE reigning Diva. She could have farted in a microphone and have it go gold. But someone must have told her she sold out, because she started going out with "bad boy" Bobby Brown to to prove her "street cred", then MARRIED him...and has been on a downward slope ever since. Just my opinion
34. Posted by SweetPeezy on February 23, 2006 11:12 PM
Does anyone have a link so I can hear a clip or something? Just post it on here, thanks!!!
35. Posted by mamacita on February 23, 2006 11:15 PM
I have to say that I'd much rather watch Whitney Houston sing than watch another single, solitary second of that damn curling!!!! What the hell?!! Who deemed curling to be a sport? Damn. Curling is whack. Just say no to curling.
36. Posted by Tania on February 24, 2006 12:54 AM
I looked everywhere and couldn't find any audio of her performance. I did however find pictures at perezhilton.com
http://www.perezhilton.com/topics/whitney_houston/houston_we_have_a_problem_whitney_the_snowman_20060220.php
37. Posted by lloyddobblerNJ on February 24, 2006 09:59 AM
There's no way to blame her crackheadness on Bobby Brown folks. People need to realize that Whitney was never the clean-cut diva that she was made out to be. That was just a very smart and well done clean up job by Clive Davis over at Arista Records (Think My Fair Lady).
Whitney has been a street chick all her life, so it's not like big bad bobby took a socialite and introduced her to the dark side. She was very familiar with the dark side way before she ever met him, and she chose to partake in it. Did he make it worse, sure he did, but he didn't start it. Heck, without him she would probably be worse... at least this way she has to share the coke-n-crack!
38. Posted by Tunaswife on February 26, 2006 04:55 PM
This is a link to the pathetic singing you all wanted to hear. It's really sad. Poor, poor Whitney. Poor, poor people who had to listen to this. There's a finger-nails-scratching-against-a-chalkboard quality (or lack thereof) going on here. Makes you want to start howling. :(
http://www.whitney-live.com/downloads/jw/OMIT06.rm
39. Posted by booboo on February 27, 2006 08:05 AM
Holy hell, i thought that was Al Sharpton for a brief momment, sad to think that she used to be quite attractive.
But thats the price one pays for getting married to some talent-free has been like Bobby Brown, next thing you know you're hooked on smack and your looks and your voice go down the toilet.
40. Posted by TheLusciousDeluxe on March 2, 2006 05:21 PM
37 - Yeah, people want to blame all this on Bobby, but Whitney was smoking rock before she met him.
41. Posted by shona on March 14, 2006 05:47 PM
I found only one site with the whole performance... but u have to pay !!!
anyway for those who want it..?
http://www.hao-bao.com/whitney-houston-torino-performance.htm
42. Posted by Dano!! on March 29, 2006 11:55 AM
ahhh i actually feel sorry for her! i LOVE all of whitney's music, she used to be so pretty and have such an amazing voice! now shes just a wrecked junkie! how could someone so famous just wreck their life like that. its a shame.