Kirsten Dunst

Actress Kirsten Dunst has one request for organizers of awards shows who hope to lure her as a guest: make sure she isn't sitting near Christina Aguilera. "Christina Aguilera, who was sitting right behind me, was on her Blackberry babbling the whole time," said Dunst. "I wondered, 'If I kissed her like Madonna did, would she shut up?'" [Read]

Kirsten Dunst is a bitch? Shocking! I don't know about the whole Marilyn Monroe look, but sit Christina Aguilera next to me any day. Well except for the days that I don't want to contract twelve STD's. That girl has a lot of sex.

Paris Hilton

...that look like a praying mantis.

Agent Provocateur

Agent Provocateur's latest ad features the President of the United States (or rather, a poorly cast actor) participating in some sexual bondage. Don't know if this is your cup of tea or not, but I found the whole thing to be incredibly unsexy. There's just something about a freak in a black latex suit that really ruins the mood for me. I'm also not a huge fan of the whole 'nipple tassel' thing. Either show me the nipples or don't, but whatever you do don't attach black tassels to them. That's just plain ugly.

View Video (nsfw .wmv) -- thanks Tian
Visit Agent Provocateur

Charlize Theron

[In her upcoming movie, Charlize Theron] romps topless in the bath with real-life Irish beau Stuart Townsend, dresses up in S&M leather and dances an erotically charged tango with on-screen lover Penelope Cruz. [Read]

Is it just me, or are Charlize Theron and Ashley Judd basically the same person? Although their names are completely different and they don't look very similar at all, they both give off the same vibe to me. Maybe it's because they both turned down my very exclusive offer to tape them making out with each other. Boy are they going to regret saying no to that one.

Jessica Simpson

Penelope Cruz

Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz were spotted having lunch in Madrid, sparking rumors that they're back together and having crazy three-way sex with an underaged circus performer. Though details are sketchy, what we know for sure is that I'm definitely the one that started that rumor. It's a pretty good rumor too, if I do say so myself. Next time I'll be sure to throw in a pig for good measure. I find that rumors are more satisfying when they involve pigs or sex with pigs.

Read Article [Tom and Penelope Go On A Lunch Date]