When we last left Anthony Bourdain he was mocking Paula Deen for turning her diabetes diagnosis into a pharmaceutical endorsement deals that fleeces everyone else she pumped full of butter fried sugar, sugah. This time around he’s biting the hand that feeds him after The Travel Channel decided to slap a bunch of Cadillacs in promo spots for No Reservations, making it look like he’s shilling for GM. This lead to a series of hilarious angry tweets involving splooging all over dashboards, so immediately my interest was piqued. Via E! News:
“F–king Cadillac. Greedy venal #travelchannel ad sales motherf–kers,” he railed in one post.
“I do NOT drive a Cadillac. And now I never will. #travelchannel,” he castigated in another.
He didn’t stop there: Bourdain, who’s no stranger to verbal throwdowns (hello, Paula Deen!), then launched into a bunch of Sopranos-worthy tweets about whacking people and stuffing them into Cadillacs.
“There’s a dead prostitute in the trunk of my #Cadillac,” he cracked in one tweet, before adding, “Wow! I can fit TWO bodies in full rigor in the trunk [of] a #Cadillac! Awesome!”
Not even bodily fluids were spared.
“#Cadillac The blood and spooge wipe right off!” he sniped, and then finished things off with this zinger: “If you blow your load on a #cadillac dashboard it wipes clean off!”
Of course, this might just be amazing to me because my reaction to these situations is do whatever the hell it takes to never get dressed and/or leave the house. I’ve done things that are only legal in Thailand, that’s how badly I hate changing out of pajama pants to interact with people. “Swine,” I call you. “Filthy, filthy swine.” Unless you have breasts then I mostly just slink into the shadows and bide my time. Wow, that came out wrong.