Angelina Jolie is Starving Herself To Save The Children. Beats Me.

December 9th, 2011 // 64 Comments

A few weeks ago, there was a report from an alleged former assistant of Angelina Jolie‘s claiming she locks herself in the basement for hours on end performing grueling physical exercises to stay thin. Except it turns out she’s actually been starving herself to save all the poor, hungry children of the world, so I bet you feel pretty stupid right about now. Us Weekly reports:

“She says, ‘If they can’t eat, I can’t eat,’” the source adds. The busy mother of six “does different cleanses from around the world. It’s very dramatic, but that’s how she gets.”

Of course, there’s an easier way to help starving children besides conveniently masking your anorexia with solidarity, so already I know I’ve lost you: Write them a check for a million dollars. Eat a sandwich. Continue living thanks to the nourishment from said sandwich. Repeat.

BOOM. World hunger. SOLVED. Also, more time for stealing kids, so really this plan has everything.

Photos: Getty, WENN

superficial

  1. D-chi

    She’s gotten so tiny.

    And first!

  2. JuicyLucy

    You can end world hunger by MOVING THEM TO WHERE THE FOOD IS!!!

  3. Johnny P!

    When she’s in the car with Brad, and he goes over a speedbump, does her head bobble?

  4. Smapdi

    Once read a comment describing here as “A bag of bones wrapped in a Chinese news paper. Ouch!”

  5. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    Commented on this photo:

    Awww, poor Bellatrix Lestrange has seen better days.

  6. Alex

    NIce, Fish! Loving the last statement and set of photos.

  7. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    Commented on this photo:

    “And impoverished children can’t wear Gucci, so I refuse to wear…oh fuck that. I’ll just skip lunch again. Cancels out that $2500 blazer I just got.”

  8. caro

    Following that logic she should be wearing a burlap sack. “If they can’t wear couture, then I can’t either!” What a piece of work.

  9. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    DeucePickle
    Commented on this photo:

    We’re suppose to believe that she hasn’t been eating ? With jaws like that ?

  10. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    Commented on this photo:

    “I don’t always have sex with women. But when I do, it’s with Brad Pitt’s wife.”

  11. Colin

    I dunno, Angelina might still win over that other chick on account of the fact that I’ve never seen Angie make duck lips.

  12. Dri

    ah!i bet that Leann Rimes is somewhere crying on this photos…Angelina is better than her even at starving herself

  13. Dr. Otto VanderWahl

    Fatty, Fatty, Fat, Fat

  14. Colin

    Were you drunk when writing this article?

  15. Oogidyboogidy

    She is a disgusting bobble-head. I still do not understand why people rave about how “beautiful” she is.

  16. Deacon Jones

    Do you think if her and Gwenth Paltrow got together for lunch, they would just eat each others turds with a nice glass of Chianti?

  17. Marc

    That’s great and all but you are a bilionare white woman starving yourself surrounded by food and maids in one of your 4 million dollar mansions and they don’t eat because they live on dirt and their 14 year old mother CANT feed them. There HAS to be more you can do then just mock them. Maybe something like…living a modest lifestyle and putting ALL you money into housing units and food shipments to villages around the world. Stupid rich bitch.

    • That’s a winner & the truth!!! 2 birds with 1 stone!

    • puddleduck

      Ditto.

      • Budapest

        She’s trying to kill herself. Who wouldn’t nine kids and counting. Every time she see a cute kid she has to adopt them for her nannies.

    • Rhayven

      Its rather simple – She’s not doing it to show sympathy for starving children in Africa ((And even if that was the truth – Slacktivism doesn’t do SHIT!))

      She wants an excuse to further herself in her ED and make herself look good in the process.

      What better way to be able to indulge in Anorexia and get the media off your back at the same time?

      Either way – I hate this stupid cop-out bullshit.

  18. Is this for real? She really said this?… … “They” also can’t fly planes, wear clothes that cost thousands of dollars, get their hair done, buy expensive cosmetics, go to red carpet events, star in movies, travel around the world, hire nannies to look after their kids, buy motorcycles, get plastic surgery, and live in different multimillion dollar homes around the globe and hire housekeepers and drivers.

    • Sliver

      Yes, but it all makes sense…in her head.

    • Africa

      She must be doing a lot of coke to get that thin and still have the energy to get dressed in the morning and watch the nannies take care of her kids. Perhaps, she should starve her kids, and her nannies, and maids, too. Until, everyone in the world can afford maids, nannies, multiple houses, and makeup.

  19. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Yowza.
    No one does “movie star” quite like this woman. She may be a “bag of bones” but they are gorgeous bones and the wrapping is damned interesting.

  20. Cock Dr

    I expect a high level of crazy from any woman who ever coupled (repeatedly) with Billy Bob Thornton.

  21. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Beautiful.

  22. anonymoose

    Count me as one who could not care less about angelina or brad.

  23. Donald Trump

    I love the peen – but I’d still screw the crazy outta her!

  24. EricLr

    It’s always nice at Christmas to see an aging, narcissistic fame-whore forgo her normal routine of desperately starving herself, exercising furiously, and having plastic surgery to instead desperately starve herself, exercise furiously, and have plastic surgery FOR THE CHILDREN.

    • BE

      Oh come on. Don’t beat poor Angie up because she didn’t run THIS “off the cuff” comment past one of their focus groups. The handlers are a cringin!

  25. cc

    I dunno Angie, wouldn’t it make more sense to spend A LOT of money acquiring food to send to those people?

  26. Johnny P!

    Somewhere, in Somalia, a malnourished, starving teen is busy sucking cock on a casting couch and WILL NOT STOP until Angie gets a good role.
    Solidarity!

  27. Debutante

    So, heroin has nothing to do with it ?

  28. smadgie

    Another perfect example of the filthy wealthy NOT knowing what the rest of us do. Many other comments were on the money…(forgive the pun)…she is typical and pathetic. Give some of your wealth up and really help someone. And here’s a thought for you Angie, maybe help some of your fellow Americans that have lost their homes, have no food, are jobless and/or their un-employment gone. WAKE UP your Hollywood idiots. I’m sick to death of these spoiled actors that are so detached they look and sound foolish.
    *well said
    penisbelenis and Marc.

  29. AnnaDraconida

    Who cares if this filthy rich wacko eats or not? She doesn’t strike me as someone who exercises compulsively. Looks like plain ol’ anorexia to me.

  30. blah

    Maybe instead of not eating you could sell one of your goddamned French villas.

  31. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    yigg
    Commented on this photo:

    this woman is phenomenal. anyone who thinks she’s too thin is either jealous or a fucking tub!

  32. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    Melissa
    Commented on this photo:

    Brad is aging quickly

  33. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    zil
    Commented on this photo:

    Her hand looks gigantic compared to her skeletal arms.

  34. “That is one crazy bitch”, said a million hungry Somalians.

  35. meh

    I truly don’t understand this. I mean I do, but I don’t get it. Is she honestly so out of touch that she can’t think to actually give money to charity, open an orphanage etc? Starving yourself because kids are starving, especially when she has the money to help them just smacks of crazy.

  36. puddleduck

    Is her hair falling out? She looks like hell!! Jennifer Aniston must be loving this!

  37. forrest gump

    brad pit likes it fucking dead boddies & children?

  38. Alex

    I believe this, but then again, Angelina has never exactly been fat. She’s always been super skinny and had to gain weight for roles.

  39. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    sid
    Commented on this photo:

    she is on heroin you fool. Rich people can be fully funtioning addicts for years. The personal doctors are a help as well.

  40. Angelna Jolie Starving Herself
    Bri
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she was sooooo much hotter with curves in Tomb Raider. She looks so old and frail now. Anyone that thinks she looks healthy or pretty is delusional.

  41. Angie

    I’LL EAT WHEN, PIGS FLY.

  42. bullshit, nice cover up angie. how is you starving yourself helping those kids in any way? u can do alot more then starve urself. thats not giving them food doing that

  43. VEGAN

    absurd as it might sound it would help
    BRAD PITT IS VEGAN
    MEAT AND DAIRY 80% of global warming, 80% of deforestation, more water pollution than all other sources combined, (etc.!) and the #1 cause of all human health problems and diseases as well as end extreme cruelty and world hunger. un report 2011 it is responsible for the famine
    Vegan population doubled since 2009

  44. VEGAN

    All you criticising her are uneducated and talking out of your bum, do the research

  45. 03

    Yeah…..good job starving yourself anorexic b!tch. Says she starve herself for the children but wears an expensive dress,but she’s such a good person…

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