Angelina Jolie Might Steal Another Child From Her Own Uterus

December 13th, 2011 // 20 Comments

If there’s one thing that binds us together as a global community, it’s monitoring the comings and goings of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt‘s international gang of children because eventually they’re going to start stealing jewels and/or committing espionage. It’s the only outcome. Anyway, today’s finally an exciting day for the poor schmucks stuck on the Angelina Jolie uterus beat because according to the newest issue of Marie Claire, she’s ready to procreate again even though that would require eating thus shattering her solidarity with the starving children of the world. Via Us Magazine:

“Nothing planned at the moment, but we just don’t know,” the Oscar winner says. “I could end up pregnant.”

“And by could,” she added, “I mean Brad’s penis would have to stop penetrating my back like a hot knife through a wet piece of paper FOR OUR TRIALS ARE ONE AND THE SAME, CHILDREN OF AFRI- Don’t you shush me, publicist! Your full belly knows nothing of our struggle.”

Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. Sean Connery

    No ways she’s getting knocked up with 0% body fat.

  2. Angie better watch out this time, though. Now that Zahara’s older and stronger, her stank eye could probably abort a fetus from a wider range.

    • Jackie

      She is so beautiful, I would love to lick her body from her legs to her thighs and kiss her up and down, and was amazing.

  3. Frank Burns

    She’s merely enacting an anti-aging ritual from the alternative bible all successful actresses follow: “Three from outside, three from within, the seventh child will bring youth again”.

  4. occam's boner

    I thought follywood libs are all for population control!? Oh, that’s right…only when the population in question is poor. Carry on, but watch out for Sean Penn – if he sees you with a bun in the oven, he WILL attempt to punch you in the gut.

  5. mz/x

    This bitch has some serious issues. She’s a hoarder not to mention her daddy issues.

    • gumption

      very much agree. She is a twisted bitch and can’t possibly give all these kids the needed attention from a parent. They do not even attend school because she thinks their trips are like school, seriously. Aside from that, I hate this Zionist, racist cunt. Yeah, the black and Asian kids you stole didnt fool anyone. I cant believe anyone fell for that do-good b.s., it is nothing more than a media cover for a lot of shady shit, what a false cunt.

  6. Jo

    haha those kids have “bitch please’ look on their little faces. I would too if my Mommy dragged me from airport to airport with cameras in your face all the frickin time..

  7. Melania

    Its like the Duggars all over again..soon we´ll be hearing about her book “19 and counting” too.
    What on earth do people have so many kids in this day and age for? The black fever no longer exsists,we dont have to “stock up” on kids anymore.

  8. browny

    She’s saying this because Aniston is on the verge of announcing she’s up the duff. Or, on the other hand, she’s sticking it up Aniston by saying ‘look at me I’m fertile and you’re not.’

    She’s nuts. I look forward to all the problems her kids (especially Pax – whom she renamed from his original name of Thien, at the age of 3, um, yeah, that’s a healthy way to adopt a kid, no identity issues there) will have in the future. Tabloid fodder forevermore.

  9. Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt Kids FAO Schwartz
    Commented on this photo:

    shiloh’s got angelina’s stink face down!

  10. forrest gump


  11. Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt Kids FAO Schwartz
    Commented on this photo:

    Skullgirl laughing back at me

  12. Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt Kids FAO Schwartz
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yes stupid! my hands are becoming dry branches, so what?”

  13. Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt Kids FAO Schwartz
    Commented on this photo:

    Look at that empty boot…

  14. Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt Kids FAO Schwartz
    Commented on this photo:

    None of the kids seem to be having a good time

  15. jona t.

    Im am extremely disgusted to the core knowing that angelina jolie never reads online comments or any articles or such on her. She says she ignores it all. We continue to say our opinions and she could give a rat’s ass. We are at least entitled to her feedback. After all it is because of us that she is famous. She takes and takes and takes money from us all for her movies, photos .. etc.. , then she refuses to acknowledge the people who made her famous in the first place. Instead she is a traitor giving to 3rd world countries, that are USA enemies , she whines and cries like a child if she doesnt get her way, and other types of ridiculous behaviour . On top of that she thinks she has some divine power over men, where she can snap her fingers and they melt at her commands. She is crazy. Brad is hypnotized by her.. Angelina why dont you get out of USA already. I sure wont miss you.

  16. billy

    angelina jolie learn how to cook if your gonna have so many children you idiot. Pancakes with extra sugar is not the breakfast for a child. Taking those children on tons of airplane rides is not healthy either. Uprooting them from their good friends everytime you wanna travel is selfish on your part. They constantly look tired and weary. GIVE THEM A REST you selfish bitch.

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