Angelina Jolie Just Pissed In Gwyneth Paltrow’s Organic Quinoa Cereal

May 22nd, 2014 // 25 Comments
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Back in March, Gwyneth Paltrow complained about her plight as a working mother because one time she had to go to Wisconsin for a week and you have no idea how that hard that is. Although, in her defense, she did attempt to walk back those comments albeit while simultaneously dubbing herself a struggling single mother in the same breath, so fuck her in the artisan butt. Which brings us to Angelina Jolie who was asked about life as a working mother by NY Daily News and was having none of that shit:

“I actually feel that women in my position, when we have all at our disposal to help us, shouldn’t complain. Consider all the people who really struggle and don’t have the financial means, don’t have the support, and many people are single raising children. That’s hard.”

I make a lot of jokes about Angelina Jolie collecting kids, but at the end of the day, she does have the means to give them pretty fucking awesome lives as a family. Not to mention, half of them were adopted while Gwyneth Paltrow won’t raise anything that wasn’t imbued by the seed of a famous British musician and naturally sloughed out of her pomegranate-waxed uterus. This isn’t some pauper’s house where scurvy and canned cheese infest every corner. A pox on you for suggesting as much. A pox, I say!

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, WENN


  1. Gotta give props to Angelina on this one. Well said.

  2. Linda

    not her biggest fan–i still have nightmares about the post-sex look on her and billy bob’s face when they got out of a limo at some awards show–ugh. overshare much? but i do truly admire her turn around since having kids. unlike other famous people, she GETS IT. she also works with people who actually have hard lives [war, rape, poverty, not having fresh kale available immediately, you know], which gets her out of the insular bullshit bubble these other celebrity moms are so happy to be stuck in. good on her!

  3. JC

    Make fun of Gwynnie if you must, but leave Christ Martin alone. He’s had a tough life–he was married to Gwynneth AND he’s in Coldplay. How he hasn’t swallowed the barrel of a shotgun yet is a mystery.

  4. Cher X

    Best PR in the world for this lady.

  5. Angelina Jolie New Boobs Brad Pitt World War Z Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “Of course I don’t eat that elitist GOOP crap Patrow pushes. Can’t you see the menu from a Chinese restaurant I have tattooed on my arm? Kung Pao chicken $5!”

  6. lipo

    They are all as rich as fuck – it just matters how you package it….I would say that most of Hollywood is as up their own ass as Gwynnie…she just isn’t good at hiding it.

  7. Angelina Jolie New Boobs Brad Pitt World War Z Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey Brad, did you hear the one about the ex-girlfriend who can’t get pregnant?”
    “Yes, every time a lame romantic comedy is released.”

  8. Veronika Larsson

    Hey, have *you* ever tried supervising four nannies, five maids, a chauffeur, six bodyguards, a butler, an estate manager, personal nutritionist and a personal trainer?

    Gwyneth Paltrow is WERKIN.

    • I thought that’s what the personal assistant was for?

      • The personal assistant flatters her every 15 minutes: “The butt of a 22 year old stripper, MiLady! Oh my I can’t keep my eyes off it! Why yes, everyone wants you to be in their next film!”

        Thinking up new lies–er, compliments–for Lady Gwynnie is a full-time job my friend.

  9. Making fun of or talking shit about GOOP is just easy PR at this point. Even GOOP is going to start doing it, it’s going to be spectacular if we can survive it.

  10. inkydinky

    damn her new boobs are enormous.

  11. Angelina Jolie New Boobs Brad Pitt World War Z Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    the roots grow out of my right eye.

  12. This vapid self absorbed woman who looks at kids as props and likes to fake caring about the world to get publicity is a close second to Paltrow in the worthless woman category.

    She should run for office as she is as qualified as Clay Aiken and Al Franken. In 50 years our Congress will basically be anyone who has ever had or hosted a show on the E! network or got voted off American Idol.

    By then there will be no racism because we are all mixed together and we are all boys or girls depending on what day it is and black babies bought and adopted from Africa will replace the blue eyed blonde child as the status symbol for same sex married parents in the United States of Mexifornia.

    This woman is ahead of the curve in more ways than one.

    • Mama Pinkus

      fuck you, conservative asshole

    • *sings to the tune of “Rawhide”: trollin’ trollin’ trollin’ keep them comments goin’ keep them FOX News lies a-rollin’, JACKASS! JACKASS YEAH!

    • I'm Scout and I need a bra.

      Nope. Nothin’ like our patriot Sarah Pallin. She didn’t have no fancy nannies raisin’ her youngins. No sir-ee bob. Darn tootin’. Those kids bucked up like the patriotic tots they are and raised themselves!

    • Bob, I’d like to see you go to Sierra Leone or visit refugees in Iraqi or Syria. Jolie has taken at least 40 trips for the UN worldwide! She’s seen the worst of what people suffer through, poverty, sickness, homelessness. Have you ever help a starving infant in your arms? Sir you need a dictionary because vapid is not the correct word for someone that cares like that.

    • Geez, just shut up man.

  13. Not a fan of hers at all, but damn, she is right on with that sound bite. You can almost hear Gwyneth’s sphincter contract in disgust.

  14. ha! Best thing this blood-vial-wearing, bro-frenching, butt-crazy anorexic has said in a long time!

  15. Angelina Jolie New Boobs Brad Pitt World War Z Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Shit…holy skin trees, Batman WTF?!

  16. I like Jolie. This makes me dig her even more. I give a f*ck what her detractors think.

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