Angelina Jolie Doesn’t Have Any Friends

You’d think having an international reputation as a husband stealer would endear you to women the world over thus creating a cabal of lasting friendships, but then again, I’ve always been something of a handsome visionary. Long story short, nobody likes Angelina Jolie. Us Magazine reports:

“I’ll talk to my family,” the actress — who is currently in Pakistan — said. “I talk to Brad [Pitt]; he wants to know as much as he can about these issues and every trip. He’s been here as well; he came with me after the earthquake. But I don’t know, I don’t have a lot of friends I talk to. He is really the only person I talk to.”

Ha! Brad Pitt fell for the oldest trick in the book. The significant other who stops having a social life, only to sit around resenting yours. Sometimes we’re not so different from celebrities after all…

BRAD: Honey, I’m going out for a couple beers.
ANGIE: Oh. Okay.
BRAD: What?
ANGIE: I guess I’ll just sit here and watch Lifetime.
BRAD: *sigh* Do you want me to stay home?
ANGIE: No, no. Go. Have a good time with your “friends.”
BRAD: Jesus Christ, Ang… *slaps on jetpacks*
ANGIE: Watch the Faberge eggs, asshole!
BRAD: *farts a million dollars* Watch that. Bitch. *flies off*
ANGIE: Argh! MEN. *drives a Lamborghini into the Mona Lisa*

(Sorry if that brought back a lot of vivid, eerily accurate details for everybody.)

Photos: Splash News