“You rang?” – These photos
Presumably because fighting Jamie Foxx has given him a taste for the dark chocolate, Andrew Garfield is now openly giving interviews where he says he wants Peter Parker to fall in love with a male MJ played by Michael B. Jordan who you may remember from such roles as Wallace from The Wire and Token Black Friend Who Naturally Gets Killed in Chronicle. So for those of you keeping score on your Hateboards, that makes this Spider-Man not only British, but a homosexual miscegenist. Somewhere the South just went, “Well, that sounds nice- BWAAAAAAA?” Entertainment Weekly reports:
Recently, he says, he had a philosophical discussion with producer Matt Tolmach about Mary Jane or “MJ” to fans. “I was kind of joking, but kind of not joking about MJ,” he tells EW. “And I was like, ‘What if MJ is a dude?’ Why can’t we discover that Peter is exploring his sexuality? It’s hardly even groundbreaking! … So why can’t he be gay? Why can’t he be into boys?”
Garfield even has an actor in mind: “I’ve been obsessed with Michael B. Jordan since The Wire. He’s so charismatic and talented. It’d be even better—we’d have interracial bisexuality!”
Of course, none of this will ever happen because Sony doesn’t make movies to watch them lose $80 billion in the Bible Belt and/or get shot by a Confederate cannon. Although, it is amazing that someone didn’t take Andrew Garfield aside and tell him never to speak a word of this to anyone again considering it’s gone over exactly as expected if you scroll through the butthurt in the EW comments. Because I ain’t sure if British Boy is aware, but this here’s ‘Merica and young, handsomely sculpted dudes in tights fuck pussy the way God intended. You can’t just can’t go making up imaginary nonsense where they’s homosexual, alright? Now get that there Spider-Boy to use his magic spider-powers to fight that Rhino sonofabitch. And no more making out with Electrical Man!
“You know how they say people never talk this close unless they’re going to fuck or fight?”
“I can see your erection. You’re wearing tights.”
“Welp, there goes that surprise…”