Those Amy’s Baking Company Idiots Are Blaming Hackers Now

The Superficial / May 15, 2013

It was almost impossible to miss this train wreck yesterday, but after appearing on a disastrous episode of Kitchen Nightmares where Gordon Ramsay literally quit after watching the owners steal tips, resell desserts from other restaurants and threaten to call the police on customers who wanted the food they ordered, the Facebook page of Amy’s Baking Company in Scottsdale, Az. was bombarded with comments which the owners responded to in the worst way possible which is why you’re even reading about this. After becoming the laughing stock of the entire Internet, their Facebook posts have since been removed, but here are some of the highlights which will now live forever via Extra:

WE ARE NOT FREAKING OUT. WE DO NOT CARE ABOUT A “WITCH HUNT” I AM NOT A WITCH. I AM GODS CHILD. PISS OFF ALL OF YOU. F**K REDDITS, F**K YELP AND F**K ALL OF YOU. BRING IT. WE WILL FIGHT BACK.”

“I AM NOT STUPID ALL OF YOU ARE. YOU JUST DO NOT KNOW GOOD FOOD. IT IS NOT UNCOMMON TO RESELL THINGS WALMART DOES NOT MAKE THEIR ELECTRONICS OR TOYS SO LAY OFF!!!!”

“To all of the Yelpers and Reddits: Bring it on. you are just pussies. come to arizona. you are weaker than my wife, and weaker than me. come to my business. say it to my face. man to man. my wife is a jewel in the desert. you are just trash. reddits and yelpers just working together to bring us down. Pathetic.”

“This is Samy. I am keeping note of all names here. We will be pursuing action against you legaly, and against reddit and yelp, for this plot you have come together on. you are all just punks.”

“We do not, nor have we ever stolen or taken any of our servers ,waitresses, or waiters tips at Amy’s Baking Company… I would challenge any of our employees past or present to come forward with proof that we have ever done such a horrible thing.” Samy admitted on the show that he keeps the tips.

Even worse than all that, and possibly even the crime, Amy also said she’s a “good mother” while not having children and referring to her cats which you can see over on Buzzfeed. So like any story involving people who don’t understand the Internet threatening to call the police on the Internet, these two Einsteins are now blaming hackers which will surely blow everything over and not attract actual hackers. Well played:

Obviously our Facebook, YELP, Twitter and Website have been hacked. We are working with the local authorities as well as the FBI computer crimes unit to ensure this does not happen again. We did not post those horrible things. Thank You Amy &Samy

Fortunately, these people weren’t just on TV admittedly stealing tips from their employees and repackaging food from other restaurants then saying God’s on their own side because Christianity is a magic consequence-blocking shield, so everyone should easily believe this and let them go about their business. Or launch an investigation into whether the whole restaurant is a money laundering scheme after the idiot husband claimed he has Mafia ties. That’s another thing that could happen.