So Amber Heard Is Probably Banging Elon Musk, Yeah….

During the whole Johnny Depp and Amber Heard debacle, I made it a point to repeatedly say that even if Amber Heard is almost definitely a golddigger, that doesn’t mean Johnny Depp can’t still be an abusive asshole. The two don’t cancel each other out. And I say that now because Amber Heard is about to have her face carved on the Mt. Rushmore of Golddiggers because she somehow managed to find someone even richer than Johnny Depp to fuck even after very publicly taking a metric shit-ton of his money. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t impressed. TMZ reports:

Our sources say Amber has known the Tesla inventor for several years, but in the last few months they’ve been spending a lot of time together.
Just last weekend Amber and her sister were hanging out in Elon’s hotel bungalow in Miami. We’re told she had a 1-on-1 dinner at his L.A. house 2 weeks ago. We’re told she recently went to Elon’s L.A. area office to spend time with him. And we’re told he’s paid several visits to her home.
No one in Amber’s camp is calling it “dating,” but we’re told the amount of time they spend together has definitely increased.

As of this post, Elon Musk’s net worth is estimated at $12.3 billion, so I think it’s time we acknowledge that Amber Heard clearly has some sort of super vagina that does what no other vagina before it has done. And while my first guess is “never gets pregnant,” I would’ve also accepted “makes blockbuster movies available for home viewing at the same time as their theatrical release.” Except both of those are jokes because the real answer is “has a hole in it.” Welcome to being a dude. We are dumb.

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Photos: AKM-GSI, Getty