Amanda Bynes Threatens To Sue Anyone Who Reports The Story I’m About To Report

April 8th, 2013 // 29 Comments
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[Ed. Note: Amanda Bynes has requested the media only use photos of her she's posted to Twitter. Done. - SW]

Earlier today, Page Six ran the following report alleging Amanda Bynes was kicked out of her gymnastics class for acting like Amanda Bynes:

One witness told us Bynes first turned up at the class alone about a month ago.
“She immediately started acting strangely,” our source said. “She lined up with the other gymnasts, and each took their turn to perform a roll. But Amanda just walked out on the mat, was spinning around in circles and mumbling to herself.”
Later, when the others were performing cartwheels, Amanda “did a cartwheel, but her wig fell off, and she sat down and cried.” The source added that after a number of other incidents where she was heard mumbling to herself or walking in front of others performing exercises, she was asked to leave.

Considering this sounds absolutely like something she would do, Amanda Bynes is naturally threatening to sue anyone who repeats it bringing her imaginary lawsuit count up to quockzeelion eighteen jigga-ones, according to her numeric system:

I’m suing every blog saying I was kicked out of gymnastics. What is wrong w/ u people? What would u do if u found fake stories about u?

Over the past couple of days, I’ve been hearing a theory that Amanda Bynes is pulling a Joaquin Phoenix except I don’t recall Joaquin Phoenix literally getting arrested for plowing into cop cars then driving a Tokemobile of Death on a suspended license before fleeing the state. If she was seriously that method, Daniel Day Lewis would’ve murdered her vagina by now. “At long last, I’ve found you, soul mate. Let us make love as the 17th century Dutch did.” *whittles a wooden shoe with his penis*

Photos: Amanda Bynes’ Twitter


  1. grobpilot

    All women are crazy

  2. brian

    Phoenix was doing” He”s not there” that much we knew, that was the big prank I don’t see Bynes attached to any projects that might be a fake documentary.

  3. She sounds like the bums downtown who scream at garbage cans.

  4. Firecrotch McBatshit

    The fact she can still operate complex machinery like a car…or a camera…or a keyboard…really amazes me.

  5. ThisWillHurt

    “I’m suing that lady in the mirror who took an illegal photo of me! Now she’s going to run a fake story about the hair extensions I’m currently getting!”

  6. Can’t her family come and get her? I know it’s a big deal to do a conservatorship but if Britney’s family did it, Amanda’s can too. They need to man up and take charge of her–unless they really don’t care and can’t be bothered.

    • It is hard to get a conservatorship over an adult. And it’s hard to help those who refuse help. This is a mess.

    • She does not have the massive fortune or earning potential of Britney so no one will spend the time or money to try to help her.

      Look how much Britney made since the meltdown and how much she will still make in the future, a lot of people got wealthy from her recovery and will continue to do so.

      • This poor thing is obviously as screwy as a pig’s tail. I agree with Debra Keller…if she is this goofy, why doesn’t her family intercede and get her some help? Assholes…

    • I can’t imagine that putting the family in charge is a great idea. These are the same people who looked at their child and saw dollar signs instead of someone who needed love and guidance. Selling your kid to Nickelodeon isn’t usually the way a responsible parent does things.

  7. Amanda Bynes Plastic Surgery Twitter Cleavage
    Buddy The Elf
    Commented on this photo:

    Very skilled with the camera, obviously.

  8. I assume she’s a singer or actress or something, I just don’t care enough to drop her name into wikipedia.

    • bob

      but you care enough to click on her articles and post comments about how you don’t care. yeah, you know exactly who she is.

  9. Amanda Bynes Plastic Surgery Twitter Cleavage
    Don Wilson
    Commented on this photo:


  10. The Reaper

    Shit, I nearly forgot about this chick. Now, where’d I leave my keys and scythe?

  11. Amanda Bynes Plastic Surgery Twitter Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    Who the flying fish’s fuck is Amanda Byrnes?
    Can she make a decent mocha?

  12. Jenn

    Ah the good old days when we could lock the ‘eccentrics’ in the attic with the mice, who’d help her make dresses to wear. We could call her Crazy-ella.

  13. Fish, I’m sure your entire defense is going to consist of you saying “Your honor, I mean, c’mon…”, shrugging your shoulders and pointing at Bynes.

  14. Normally I would make a joke about sticking it in her pooper but she has some serious issues and needs therapy as well as family involvement. If this does not scream some sort of intervention, then she’s going to end up a cautionary tale.

    • And once she has been mentally flogged back to reality, then we can all stick it in her pooper. Or the orifice of one’s choice. I kinda think she has a pretty mouth.

  15. She depresses the fuck out of me.

  16. Joe

    She didn’t literally plow into a car, Fish.

  17. She is obviously mentally ill and well on her way to the 27 Club.

  18. These are the pics she wants out there? If I were her, I’d say the pap photos were real and somebody hijacked her Twitter feed.

  19. I have no idea who she is, nor do I care! Why do people with money (presumably) and a bit of fame go batshit crazy?

  20. Amanda Bynes Plastic Surgery Twitter Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    If she is pulling a juaquin pheonix and going method it could only be to portray Lindsey Lohan.

  21. Amanda Bynes Plastic Surgery Twitter Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    Just like a tourist…in the middle of Times Square.

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