Amanda Bynes Threatens To Sue Anyone Who Reports The Story I’m About To Report

By: The Superficial / April 8, 2013

[Ed. Note: Amanda Bynes has requested the media only use photos of her she’s posted to Twitter. Done. – SW]

Earlier today, Page Six ran the following report alleging Amanda Bynes was kicked out of her gymnastics class for acting like Amanda Bynes:

One witness told us Bynes first turned up at the class alone about a month ago.
“She immediately started acting strangely,” our source said. “She lined up with the other gymnasts, and each took their turn to perform a roll. But Amanda just walked out on the mat, was spinning around in circles and mumbling to herself.”
Later, when the others were performing cartwheels, Amanda “did a cartwheel, but her wig fell off, and she sat down and cried.” The source added that after a number of other incidents where she was heard mumbling to herself or walking in front of others performing exercises, she was asked to leave.

Considering this sounds absolutely like something she would do, Amanda Bynes is naturally threatening to sue anyone who repeats it bringing her imaginary lawsuit count up to quockzeelion eighteen jigga-ones, according to her numeric system:

I’m suing every blog saying I was kicked out of gymnastics. What is wrong w/ u people? What would u do if u found fake stories about u?

Over the past couple of days, I’ve been hearing a theory that Amanda Bynes is pulling a Joaquin Phoenix except I don’t recall Joaquin Phoenix literally getting arrested for plowing into cop cars then driving a Tokemobile of Death on a suspended license before fleeing the state. If she was seriously that method, Daniel Day Lewis would’ve murdered her vagina by now. “At long last, I’ve found you, soul mate. Let us make love as the 17th century Dutch did.” *whittles a wooden shoe with his penis*

Photos: Amanda Bynes’ Twitter