Alexander Skarsgard Will Eat Your Taco

June 26th, 2012 // 28 Comments
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Lupita Hernandez had come to America with nothing but the dream of starting a family. But after years of scraping together every dime she had to see doctors all over California and asking every priest she could find to ask God to bless her with a child, she realized that version of her dream wasn’t meant to be. And so she reconciled herself to working tirelessly at her brother’s taco stand to perhaps one day adopt, but a car accident here, a surgery there and she was no closer to her dream than she was before. For such is life.

But then one day a beautiful Swedish man beckoned to her while she was scrubbing the enchilada grill.

“Can I get some more salsa?” he asked. And so Lupita brought him the salsa.

But as she turned to walk back to the kitchen, she felt a kick. A kick she had waited her whole life for. As joy overcame her, Lupita soon found herself giving birth in the broom closet during the lunch rush and by dinner, her new son had taken his first step. That boy’s name? Edward James Olmos.

And now you know the rest of the story.

Special thanks to Paul Harvey for filling in. Always a pleasure. – SW

Photos: Splash News

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  1. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    Commented on this photo:

    Fish: You getting a discount on his pix? Jeez.

  2. LJ

    I don’t care what the story is, just so long as I don’t have to look at that skank Octo when I open this page.

  3. That Paul Harvey story is why you get paid the big bucks, Fish. I would have just written, “And by ‘taco,’ I mean vagina. Alexander Skarsgård will eat your vagina.”

  4. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    concave nalgas

    • MyRightOne

      Concave nalgas? Too much ballast. Holding up The Skarsgard peen requires serious nalgas clenching. Well, that and he’s impregnating the plastic trays. They were asking for it. jeffiner told me so.

  5. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    loteria!

  6. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    jeffiner
    Commented on this photo:

    great! now that stack of plastic trays is pregnant!

  7. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    jeffiner
    Commented on this photo:

    is that an elf peeking over the glass at him?

  8. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    jeffiner
    Commented on this photo:

    his friend went to the bathroom to give birth.

  9. But is he “Putting on the Ritz”?

  10. Dan Quayle

    Not exactly a family man, if you know what I mean

  11. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m beginning to think that the blogger and this guy’s publicist are rolling around in bed together on a regular basis.

    • MyRightOne

      Only after she’s had her flea dip and a Silkwood shower from rolling around with Johnny Depp. Well, that’s what TMZ said. Would Fish take sloppy seconds from someone who smells like a sleestak and looks like he bludgeoned and robbed a homeless pirate? Discuss. Ok…go.

  12. KFisher

    Paul Harvey…? Wow, that takes me back…

  13. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    MyRightOne
    Commented on this photo:

    The blonde and the brunette over on the left should probably make a stop at the local drug store. First Response or Clear Blue Easy? Oh…too late.

  14. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh hell, I’ll say it – EAT MY TACO!!!! Nom nom nom… :-)

  15. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    Commented on this photo:

    “You guys take used condoms, right?”

  16. EricLr

    My cousin told me that you can get pregnant by Alexander Skarsgard just from sitting on a toilet seat. It happened to his friend’s wife. True story.

  17. anonym

    why does everyone look gay around him…..

  18. Ole

    LOVE Loteria! Some of the best Mexican food in the city. I’m there all the time but don’t think I’d be able to get my mole plate (my favorite dish) down with Sexy Skarsgard so close!

  19. Snack pack

    “enchilada grill”???

  20. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    Marlyn
    Commented on this photo:

    I think I’m going to have a pink taco or two today. What’ll you have?

  21. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    Ollie
    Commented on this photo:

    Even the chick on the painting to the right of his right knee just popped out two daughters.

  22. iamahomelessman

    story so good. so good

  23. locknload

    Haha, SW, I guess I just want you to know that I’m still thankful you continued these soundtracks to the Skarsgard’s life.

    They’re always perfect. Kinda like Skarsgard

  24. Alexander Skarsgard Eating Tacos
    Reece
    Commented on this photo:

    My first thought was “I wonder who his friend is?” but then I realized it was a dumb question because obviously the black guy is his body double for “nude junk shots”. A) Showing the real thing to the world would result in the world population quadrupling instantaneously (such a sudden change could very well throw the earth off its axis) B) No one would question the color because the Skarsgardesque size would be the only thing we’re thinking of..(.”I thought it was bigger”)

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