Adrian Peterson Suspended From Minnesota Vikings Indefinitely

The Minnesota Vikings thought they could squeeze Adrian Peterson into at least one game and score a win this Sunday before they’d be forced to cut him from the team in because some hippie-dippie types don’t understand good old fashioned southern whooppings and the intrinsic value of beating kids so they turn into violent, hulking masses of muscles. But then suddenly the Vikings had a change of heart and realized children are our most precious gift which I’m sure has nothing do with Anheuser-Busch warning the NFL to get its shit together. This is about the kids. Via Deadspin:

This has been an ongoing and deliberate process since last Friday’s news. In conversations with the NFL over the last two days, the Vikings advised the League of the team’s decision to revisit the situation regarding Adrian Peterson. In response, the League informed the team of the option to place Adrian on the Exempt/Commissioner’s Permission list, which will require that Adrian remain away from all team activities while allowing him to take care of his personal situation until the legal proceedings are resolved. After giving the situation additional thought, we have decided this is the appropriate course of action for the organization and for Adrian.

In response, Adrian Peterson tweeted another spiritual affirmation because Christianity seems to be the shield of choice for shitheads lately:

So Adrian Peterson’s Major Obstacle in his life was not getting cut from the Vikings? But now he did so he’s a Mighty Vessel of God who’s going to turn into a Diamond? And Diamond beats Rock so best two out of three? Feel free to jump in at any point here.

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