freak

Those Martians sure are good at writing in English.

What does she need a passport for, there's noise in other countries.

First!

First!

First!

I say it is a fake!

If you take the first letter of every words in that birth certificate, mulitply the corrsponding numbers by two, and divide by the number of Scientology adherents, then multiply that quotient by the square root of the collective IQ of all Kaballah followers worldwide, you get and eerie, cryptic message: TCLTC.

This story was my post #46 on the TC/KH thread about Suri being a Scientologist.

I should work for the Superfish -- seriously...

Suddenly there's a birth certificate. mmm hmmm....It's not even a real one...It says "NOT A VALID DOCUMENT TO ESTABLISH IDENTITY"

THERE IS NO SURI CRUISE AND THERE NEVER WILL BE!!!

I thinks this proves she doesn't really exist. Except in their imaginary world where Tom doesn't love the cock and is really straight, and also he knows everything about everything even though he never graduated high school and Katie Holmes has become the perfect mother and wife with her "bundle of joy".

It is most certainly fake. Cruise is not his legal name and Katherine is her legal name.

huh...that's odd, under 'first name' it says 'Mavrick'....and under 'place of birth' it says 'highway to the dangerzone'....

http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/

I was just about to add the same thing, Meghann!

Interesting...do you need a passport when you've never left the house?

8: too funny!!

It's definitely fake. Cruise is his middle name (Mapother is his last) and her legal first name is Katherine.

It's fake.

His real name is Thomas Mapother. Cruise is his middle name.

Know what's truly sad? I knew that information off the top of my head.

The kid is VERY handicaped and TomKat don't know how to present this to the world... There must be something in Scientology that say handicaps are not real!!! My theory anyway...

Exactly--I had to put my full legal name on my kids' birth certificates. And if she's catholic, her real name ain't Kate--it's Katherine.
load of shit.

No, you're all wrong. Tom's real name is Jack Mayhoffer. :) Get it? TCLTC!

God, I almost FORGOT about Tom Cruise and his nonsense. Suri has got to be the dumbest name ever, these people are nuts.

Oh, and this "Suri" thing doesn't exist. I knew it way back when Katie was showing up places with maximum inflated beach balls tied around her waist. If you look at the pregnancy pics you would notice that it's the most unnatural fake looking belly ever!

I think when Suri came out, the doctor handed "IT" to Tom and he mistook "IT" for the placenta and ate "IT"..............

Kid doesn't exist... or they had a kid who was very Down with the Syndrome and don't know how to deal yet.

Oh, and this "Suri" thing doesn't exist. I knew it way back when Katie was showing up places with maximum inflated beach balls tied around her waist. If you look at the pregnancy pics you would notice that it's the most unnatural fake looking belly ever!

Oh, and this "Suri" thing doesn't exist. I knew it way back when Katie was showing up places with maximum inflated beach balls tied around her waist. If you look at the pregnancy pics you would notice that it's the most unnatural fake looking belly ever!

Oh, and this "Suri" thing doesn't exist. I knew it way back when Katie was showing up places with maximum inflated beach balls tied around her waist. If you look at the pregnancy pics you would notice that it's the most unnatural fake looking belly ever!

When the baby came out, Tom mistook "IT" as the placenta and ate "IT".............

Meghann and Coolie already said it -- that's what I was going to say: those aren't their legal names.

My birth certificate also lists mother's maiden name, occupation at birth, age at birth, etc. And MY MOM signed it. So there, KATE!!!

WTF is up with this server double posting shit?

Fake babies? Aliens? L. Ron Hubbard? This just keeps getting weirder.

I wonder what will be found first....Osama bin Bang Bang or Suri Cruise? Or The Missing Link, or a Chupacabra, or a Yetti, or a leprechaun, or.....

On the real birth certificate, under the baby's sex, it stated "With Father Only".

Suri is going to be majorly fucked up when she gets older...She's going to be raised in a family/community of cult members, there will be constant friction between her parents and Katie Holmes' parents about religion and the way she is raised, plus half the world thinks she doesn't exist and her mother was faking the pregnancy, while the other half thinks Tom Cruise is insane and Katie Holmes is brainwashed (excuse me "Kate") Right and scientology helped the mental development of his daugher how??

yeah right and I am printing up "certificates" to say I am the queen of England...and for good measure.....that I am the first female Pope.....cos I need a passport to go to England and Italy.....my friends are signing my "documents"...I never touch the things...I don't ever want to be "officially" charged with lying!!

BTW....is it a 'sin' to tell lies in Scientology?....cos there be a hell of a lot of sinnin' goin' on....oh shit they don't believe in hell.....well there is a Scientology equvalent....listening to TC constant yammering ....that is hell and we are all being punished....the blasphemous heathens that we are.....

as always

TCLTC

yeah right and I am printing up "certificates" to say I am the queen of England...and for good measure.....that I am the first female Pope.....cos I need a passport to go to England and Italy.....my friends are signing my "documents"...I never touch the things...I don't ever want to be "officially" charged with lying!!

BTW....is it a 'sin' to tell lies in Scientology?....cos there be a hell of a lot of sinnin' goin' on....oh shit they don't believe in hell.....well there is a Scientology equvalent....listening to TC constant yammering ....that is hell and we are all being punished....the blasphemous heathens that we are.....

as always

TCLTC

sorry.....stoopit server....double post....it's TC mind control.....OMG we are under attack!!!!!

35--all true....except that there isn't a Suri Cruise to be fucked up.
I thought "Suri" was born at the same hospital that Brooke Shields' kid was born at? Like Cedars-Sinai....what's this St. John's hospital?

My guess is Cruise changed his name legally years and years ago. You can do that, you know. So his legal name probably is now Cruise.

And if she goes by Kate, under his direction, then they will accept Kate on the birth certificate. It's not that big of a deal.

They're both freaks though, and I also doubt whether or not there's a baby. My guess, though, is they simply haven't been offered enough money for a pic. And Tom Cruise himself said in an interview he was going to keep both females in seclusion until he deemed appropriate to release them.

twzzlrgirl: I agree, how would one sign up to write for this site? It doesn't seem like webnerds write for this site anymore when they're relying on commenters for news...although today's post weren't all that bad. as much as I love zooming in on Blohan's freckles and picking apart every single possible problem with her (belly button too close to her boobs? Cmon people...) What about Matthew Mcconaughey's latest beer gut? I'm sure people would love zooming in on that new puppy

forty second! Beotches

As I said in another post, these two are so into public displays there is no way that they wouldn't have been parading this child around from the moment she was born. Plus, has anyone seen the child?? No - not their creepy scientology friends or his or her family. Very weird.

These two are complete fruitcakes. It will be better for humanity if there is no child.

I really hope he's freaking out over the bad press. I hope it's killing him.

Oh c'mon! This guy don't like girls!

Someone else impregnated her. Maybe she had artificial insemenation? Either way, someone got paid to make everyone think his is a real "heterosexual" man!

And if he really is gay.... so what? Who cares? No one!!!

--

45--we do. we care if he's gay.

I just received my full birth certificate from LA County because I am applying for a passport and it looks just like this one- same seals, stamps, etc. *However* mine has more details and information because it's the FULL birth cert. The one above is called an "abstract" and is not used, like it says, for establishing identity. I found this out the hard way when I tried to get a passport with my birth cert. abstract... apparently the rules changed after 9-11. Pretty much anyone can apply to the county recorder and get a copy of someone else's abstract. And that's likely what someone did here.

I can't believe under "Father" it isn't signed Mr. Turkey Baster

One of my sorces confirmed that in the Thetan language Suri translates to:

Cock is cool.

48...

that's because after the blow job, tom spit what was in his mouth...so in a sense, he is the father...

....and I think....the Father's name should read "Turkey Baster"

oh yes...I be right..I am a psychic

Yawn - i wont be satisfied until i see a pic of their baby. Where the hell is it?!
I think this is all bullshit!

Cruise isn't his real last name. Can you put down a phoney stage name on a birth certificate? Either that or something is B.S.ing the Smoking gun website.

I finally figured out how Tom Got Katie Pregnent , he just spit into her. After all the cock loving blow-jobs he gives his saliva's sperm count is through the roof!

"Relationship to Child: Friend"

Well, at least she'll have one.

53rd!

TCLTC!!!

WWXD?

53. I'm guessing he's had it legally changed by now. Notice the lack of a middle name for him & Sari....

Katie, er, "Kate" will lose hers eventually.

53...

please refer to 50...

52>

http://www.bugeyedmonster.com/toys/alien/alien/alien18.jpg

Fake babies are like fake orgasms - they're a dime a dozen. And they make me horny.

#57 LOL! - i kinda had this in mind:

http://www.allisoddities.com/gallery13.jpg

it could be a hybrid! FREAKY!

Maverick's lost it, the stress of having Suri firmly embedded up his ass is increasing his thetan count, cock is no longer an option while he's carrying her in there.

His life is in danger.

how did tom fake his orgasm????

...he spit on her back...

I don't know what to believe anymore.

On one hand I really hate Tom Cruise and think he's an egotistical tool and he's a complete jack-ass...but let me tell you how I really feel.

On the other hand, why would Katie Holmes, being popular (enough), money making (she has her own), TV and movie star go along with making up a baby? I really do wonder if she has been brain-washed, if that's even possible.

What do they get out of making up a story, faking a pregnancy, having a fake baby, and then keeping the baby under lock and key (she isn't the Gimp is she?)?

Maybe it's for tax reasons.

I am just so confused by the whole mess! It's way too wierd and a little bit scary.

I heard she needs that passport to visit her parents' home planet.
please find out what's up, rambunctious crew...

62...

the less you think, the happier you'll be...

...it works for me...

It is freaking weird. Unless he's still trying to pimp her pics for more money.

To think...
all these crazy assholes that are now Movie Stars used to be those theater club dorks in high school we used to throw our lunches at. I guess they weren't as harmless as we all thought.

66...

beware the people behind the glasses...

Maybe the baby is black. That'd be embarrasing. "Katie, you's got some explaining to do!".

This whole thing is really fishy. Why would they file a birth certificate just so that Suri can get a passport? I thought ALL babies were required to have birth certificates. When my children were born, they made sure that all the information was completed and signed before I left the hospital. Also, you need to get the child a Social Security number and you need the birth certificate for that. Something is WAY off here.

Dude, this is a little weird even for me. I mean showing people's birth certificates? Thats getting a little too personal. Now if you have some candid shots of Katie's beaver thats totally acceptable but this is going too far.

It is filed right away, but you still have to apply to get the actual cert in some cases.

My husband and I weren't married at the time my kid was born, so by law in Wisconsin, in order to be on it, he had to go down the the offices and fill out a shitload of paperwork. We had an announcement, similar to what that is, but not the actual cert until he took care of that and the wheels had turned. The Social Security card we had right away, because the cert was filed, but we didn't have a copy.

Somebody needs to hack the LA Registrar's office comp and see what's really on file.

It's a freaking alien guys. Xenu is keeping it under wraps.

http://www.myspace.com/lookatdain

*****************************************
Warning! Warning! under no circumstance take the SF advice about wrapping tinfoil around your head to keep the aliens from taking your brain.
******************************************

For fun me and my sister got naked and tried this and everything was going fine until she got hungry and decided to microwave some popcorn. One of her eyeballs is like 40 degrees left of center and she keeps repeating zrrrrrrrrrrrg zrrrrrrrrrrrrrg.

So I repeat do not try the wrap-the-tinfoil-around-your-head thing, and yes I put her clothes on before mommy got home.

Didn't she have the baby in some backroom at their estate overseen by some dark lord of the Sith, California Scientology Chapter?? I was not aware they actually went to a hospital to spawn the alleged offspring...

TCLTC so very very much....

its a little strange that she doesnt have a middle name. Not totally unheard of, but still a little suspicious. Suri Cruise sounds so sterile. and by sterile, I mean it sounds like her name is syracuse. and thats where tommy boy is from . coincidence? probably.

50.. the sperm in Tom's mouth :
"Turn around! We've been tricked! It's a larynx, not a vagina!"

Okay, this has gotten to the point of being creepy. And that birth certificate looks fake, fake, kake. Seriously, what is UP with these people?

We Need The SMOKING GUN on this one....TC is too weird...So X-Files

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/

http://skepdic.com/tifraud.html

We need to declare an all out war and get a picture ASAP.....this is outta control people!!!

Of course Suri's parents won't allow her to leave the house.

Scientologists don't believe in gravity.

Kinda odd that Suri has no middle name. Most parents can't decide what to name their baby so the middle name is always something traditional or special. Just a thought.

Since when can "friends" sign on birth certificates? For both my kids the gave us the birth certicate stuff to fill out the day after they were born, and we had the certificate a month later....

It's all fake.

http://www.who2.com/tomcruise.html

suri mapother- haha.
too bad were not communists. with a name like that theyd be a long prestigious line of janitors, and we'd not need to know about them.
DAMN YOU DEMOCRACY DAMN YOU TO COMMIE HELL!

I'm not sure, but is that an AUTHENTIC picture of Suri Cruise?

No, probably not.

http://trent.blogspot.com/2006/04/war-of-worlds.html

and btw my beloveds, and you megan harris....
you guys have to see this...
http://www.tomcruiseisnuts.com
haha.
its almost as good as finding a tcltc.com

Somebody snagged TCLTC.com at GoDaddy, but they haven't put anything up. TCLTC.net is available.

Maybe it's possible Tom convinced Katie to legally change her name to Kate? He is that controlling.
What hospital would allow its name to be attached to a sham birth? I'm so confused.

jaja this is my first comment!!!, well is obvious that they going crazy!, cuz no one is so stupid to sell their baby to a cock lover and a washbrained bicht! so, thats what the are showing a birth certificate, using Tom avilities with photoshop, that are kinda better than mind control

So..... pillows can get birth certificates now? Hmm... you learn something new everyday.

Even if the child was handicapped in some way, he could turn that into a pity play...even though I remember hearing that Scientologists don't belive in things like autism, downs etc..but no real idea.

I just assumed they had artificial insemination and the baby came out 1/2 african american or some other race that could not be explained away.

No way TC went from holding a press conference everytime he farts to utter silence in just a few days. He was all about press right up until the birth.

Something huge is going to happen, I feel it. Studios are distancing themselves from one of the biggest stars of all time, something huge is up, beyond just annoyingly overhyped fake luvs.

#86 -- I agree that a hospital would not necessarily be part of a fake birth normally, but Cruise is obviously insane and might just scare the pants off enough people to do what he says. That or he wrote them a check for some unbelievable amount.

Plus, my guess is they have a story all lined up for this one. I bet Katie can't believe she's gotten herself mixed up in all this. I'd feel sorry for her, but I really just think she's a jackass. I bet Chris Klein is looking PRETTY GOOD right about now...

Totally off topic, but the Playstation 3 is going for $600. I might have to offer my services to Tom Cruise for some extra cash. That or get a job. Anyone have any other bright ideas?

OK, it's obviously a fake. You have to put your legal name on a birth certificate and it says the father is Tom Cruise, his real name is Thomas Cruise Mapother IV, and her name is Katherine, not Kate.

The certificate is fake...just like Tom and Katie. If the kid does exist, let's all pray she can escape the cult!

The passport is obviously so they can get in John Travolta's plane and they can all fly to Gay Island. While on Gay Island, the wives and kids will play while John and Tom will get in their boat with a dozen shirtless young men and they will all go fishing.

I think it's funny that posters here think that just because they had to sign their real name that means Tom Cruise has to do the same thing. He could sign his name Staypuff Marshmallow Man and it would be fine. The country of Namibia practically changed their government for Brad and Angelina. I'm sure an LA hospital would bend a few rules for these folks.

11 1/2 months pregnancy. really.
I think the real reason no one has seen Suri is a 3 month old and a 6-7 month old kid look very different.

There used to be news daily on this asshat and now nothing for months... even his 'friends' think he is weird.

TCLTC!

Superman is your daddy!

You know- if you read the bible you will discover that in the old days, people like Moses and Noah lived until they wer 8 or 9 hundred years old, They had babies until they were 700. And they had 50 or 60 babies each.
A year.
In the end god turned them all into pillars of salt.
This guy is a fucking alien.
He is from ANOTHER PLANET.
You think faking a baby is hard for a guy like this?
I think NOT.
He has faked a love of vagina for more than 40.
When he turns 900, we will all be laughing on the other sides of our faces.
And Katie..?
She will be fucking BEGGING the vulcan masters and interplanetary warlords to turn her into a pillar of salt.
Mark my words mortals- Tom Cruise LOVES the cock- and one day YOU WILL TOO......one day......one day....

it was probably born with some horrific defect... as a sign that tom should never procreate

#73 hopeless_screenwriter, I'm crying. Hilarious.

Come on, we all know Suri is an inflatable sex toy with a strap on dildo.

NEXT!

This is a fake. As much as I cant stand TomKat, the baby is real. Im sorry to burst the bubbles, but yes Katie acted weird during her pregnancy, but she was pregnant (i doubt by cruise). This certificate is entirely fake, I am sure that "Suri" would have a middle name. But how do I know its fake? Well two reasons. One, the hospital. Why would they have their baby in a catholic hospital? No, for two scientologists that would be ghastly. They had it at Cedar Sinai....the same hospital that Brooke Sheilds had her baby. And number two....a "friend" signs the form? I dont think so. The mother or father is the one who signs it and the only time a "friend" doesnt sign it, is if for some reason both parents are unable to sign their name. As much as we hate TomKat, at least they didnt pimp their baby out like Brangelina.

to 100: They did try to pimp out their baby. But they didn't get the amount of money they thought they should get (i.e., not $4 million or more), so Suri remains a mystery.

#78 thank you for those links****

In the words of the Great L. Ron:
An engram is defined as "a definite and permanent trace left by a stimulus on the protoplasm of a tissue. It is considered as a unit group of stimuli impinged solely on the cellular being"
"[engrams] can give a man arthritis, bursitis, asthma, allergies, sinusitis, coronary trouble, high blood pressure, and so on down the whole catalogue of psycho-somatic ills, adding a few more which were never specifically classified as psycho-somatic, such as the common cold"

People, our lives are killing us. I'm glad Suri is being deprived of one.

I think Suri is cloned. Considering how obsessed Tom is with Katie. Now he has two

#13...hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh.

I am betting that there is something horribly wrong with this baby. He paraded Kaite around all big and pregnant and then they fall of the face of the earth.

What I don't understand is how no info has been leaked from the hospital. Some nurse must have seen something.

104-It was a special scientology hospital where the staff is comprised of illiterate mutes so there's no noise around the baby. That's also why no one who attended the birth could sign the certificate. Either that, or the hospital was on another planet and the aliens who attended the birth communicate only with weird eye blinks and snorts.

Is this the infant lynch mob room? Wait is this the "freckles make me go soft" library? Where are we?

The only thing "wrong" with the baby is that it is being raised Scientologist. Tom cannot possibly be the biological father. He is sterile. Cause of his divorce from Mimi Rogers, who has since remarried and had children, and also Nicole had a miscarriage, cause of divorce was obviously infidelity, child could not possibly be his. Remember Tom's remarks over Nicole's devastation that he up and left her abruptly? "Nic knows exactly why." He had some childhood illness that caused his sterility and who knows what kind of Scientology voodoo/hypnosis was performed on poor dumb Katie. Suri is being kept from the public eye because Scientology doctrine believes that babies should be kept in quiet environments. Go fucking figure. He is a total psycho and she is a pathetic, young dumbass. He will have to die before she can get away from him. I firmly believe Suri is the offspring of L. Ron Hubbard. In vitro fertilization by frozen semen left by Hubbard. Karen S. Buckner in Texas

102--Engrams also have been known to give people crabs, the clap, herpes and various other crotch rot things. Paris Hilton is an engram.

94--and we sign our real names on OUR kids' birth certificates so we have a little somethin'-somethin' called PARENTAL RIGHTS. I think it's funny that you don't get the concept of a legal document and that you think Tom Cruise can skirt that issue.

Off topic - Do you ever feel like your life is a bad movie that never ends? Like "Cocktail" or "Days of Thunder" but with more sex and car crashes?

The TomKat Suri nonsense continues…here is what I believe is the story…Tom needed a “birth kid” (the adoption was done with Nicole and it was before Bradgelina made it hot to adopt)…after months of screenings with potentials he decided on Katie (obvious reasons are unknown but the phrase “the dumbest of them all” comes to mind)…fastfoward jumping couches and endless pictures of them squeezing the life out of one another in the public he decided it was optimum time to go through with the “birth process” especially since the world premier of MI3 was quickly approaching so another round of casting calls where held, but this time it was top secret under the cloak of darkness and this was for women that believe they have babies that match a 53-point of resemblance for Tom and 1-point for Katie (brunette hair)….endless months (well 8 ½ but they were around the clock and Katie was hooked up with prosthetic stomachs, CGI and a loose diet of burgers and fries to appear pregnant but not to overdo it of course…finally the baby was found and after weeks of contract negotiations it was announced that she had given birth but now the mother of this child that so resembles Tom decides, “wait you just made a gillion dollars riding boats, helicopters, and firetrucks while promoting MI3, I think I’m going to need more money so until they can come up with a mutually agreed deal to fork over this child for good to the Tom camp (Katie’s days are pretty much numbered now), and the 1st of what will probably be a life payments of millions or more are made the People magazine photo shoot will just have to wait….

Here's a couple answers to questions posed in this thread:

1) Lying is far from a sin for $cientologists. It's actually an important tenet in their "religion", but they call it using "acceptable truths". They would even be praised for murdering someone as long as they did it to help/protect the "church".

2) If a $cio child is born with birth defects, the "church" believes that it is the baby's fault. The baby "pulled it in" and must have done something really awful in his/her previous life and the defect is a sign of that. $cio management would not allow their golden boy to admit that his kid was born with problems. It would totally fuck up their version of the Truman Show.

I also agree that the real father is probably El Rum Hubturd. He said he'd come back to Earth in 1998. So what if he's a little late if he/Suri managed to get a poweful Dad like TC. BTW, TCLTC.

Maybe this is what the previous poster was getting at but could it be that when he was wife shopping one of his criteria was to find someone that resembled him? That way when Katie was turkey basted the offspring would have a good chance of also resembling Tom. It's the work of a mad genius...

First...you all are a bunch of losers...I know that's a duh...

Second...First you wah-wah-wah that Tom/Kat are in the news too much..I know..most of these feelings are derived by that "green-eyed monster" called jealousy..

Third..Now all of you losers can't wait to see a picture of Tom/Kats baby...but we all know when you do..it will be a fake, it will not be Tom's Baby, it will be ugly, it will be retarded, it will be a black market baby, it will be El Ron Hubbard's immaculate conception...again...LOSERS..

Lastly..TCLTC=TOM CRUISE LOVES TO CUDDLE

SCIENTOLOGY RULES!

Next they'll concoct some tragedy about how little Suri (God forbid if she really does exist...and I mean it) died and they'll go for the sympathy vote so they don't lose face with the public.

Ooh did I hit a nerve with sherry?

114--yeah, we're in the midst of a full fledged jealous froth here. I'm incredibly jealous of Katie Holmes because she gets to be called stupid and fraud and zombie and mindless and beard by the world. And if I were a guy, I'd be in a fit of envy because I'm called a raging closeted cocksucker by the world. Yep...you hit the nail on the head there.....we're all jealous.

oops...because I'm NOT called a raging closeted cocksucker by the world.

Wow, sherry-co, the bariatric scooter-riding, Tom's-ass-licking, sleep-apnea queen is back with a triumphantly stupid post.

sherry-co. welcome back. i thought youd abondoned us slimy jealous slugs.

On the Cruise-Kidman divorce papers, his name is listed as Thomas Cruise, so I'm guessing he's had it legally changed for some time now.

Note: This does not make him any less of a freak or make the "baby" thing any less suspicious. I'm just sayin'.

Sherry-co is a slimy slug! Don't freak out, but I think that there are aliens in your brains. Tom Cruise is a fruit-salad head.
Just to ruin the surprise - sherry will probably call me a whore. And tell you all about my illustrious whore lifestyle.

How's your sensory deprivation chamber, snatch?

GO JESUS! YEA FOR CHRISTIANITY! When I yell on the computer, can it cause engrams for you? I want to be the reason for the negative chain-reaction that ruins your day.

#114 sherry-co,

Is it true that according to Scientology, whoever gives the most money to the church in a given year gets to rape all the homless runaway teens that they trick into joining the church with their bogus Personality quizzes? Oh ooops, is that how they suckered you in? Sorry for bringing up that bit of your past. On the bright side though, maybe one day you can be as cool and in shape as Kirstie Alley....oh wait, thats right, she was a pig until she stopped using Scientology techniques and went to Jenny Craig for help. Oh well, at least you have your fantasy life with Tom Cruise. I hope you have a big dick and hairy legs, because you know Tom Cruise loves the cock.

I've heard that when one achieves the 32nd level in Scientology, when they are completely "clear" and have transcended any and all Thetan contamination, they are taken into a room on the 13th floor of the Scientology building and shown their true god. It is a statue of Mickey Mouse with a big dick, and before the initial shock can fade they are beaten with hockey sticks by midgets who all the while deride them for being "vainglorious cocksuckers" and "stupid motherfuckers". Tom has much to look forward to.

#124 - What about the 33rd level, which can be achieved when one goes directly from the 32nd level roof direcly down to the pavement below?

As for Suri, where there's smoke there's fire. You can't tell me the photogs don't have them camped out, and no one manages a single pic??? It has even been reported that family and friends have yet to see the kid - wtf?? It would be great if what #89 said was true, and some nameless hero in an artificial insemination lab impregnated Katie with black sperm. Explain that one away, Tommy boy. Even the best PR team would have a hell of a time with that one. I can just see the lab tech now, turkey baster in hand loaded with Charles Barkley DNA, about to slip it up Katie's womanhood, all the while thinking, "This is for Vanilla Sky, motherfuck..."

Jacq - That level is achieved right after the midget beating, once the star in question has threatened public disclosure and a plethora of lawsuits.

124
I...can't...breathe..I am...laughing...so..hard!!!!!

I agree with #25, something is probably wrong with this baby. If not born with a disability, this baby will certainly have one after living a childhood in hell with those freak Scientologists. She will be more screwed up than her parents combined. Thank God Nicole has some control over Cruises other 2 kids. They may turn out normal.

But Suri remains unseen, which is not unusual for a Cruise child. When he and Nicole Kidman were married, their two adopted children weren't photographed until 1996, when son Conor Anthony was a year old and daughter Isabella Jane was 3.

Given that track record, those counting clocks might still have a while to tick.

http://apnews1.iwon.com//article/20060711/D8IQ10G08.html?PG=home&SEC=news

TCLTC for sure and for eternity...

Maybe Suri has that jack-nasty all over her lips like Katie

#114- Tom Cruise Loves to Cuddle?!

Thats the lamest joke I've ever heard.
Second only to your existence.

Wait a second, I think you are Tom Cruise and you upsized the dildo in your pooter a little too much this time.

126
That was some funny shit!

barney is a dinosaur from our imagination blablabla our creaaation

What I think happened is Kate got knocked up by Chris Klein before they broke up. (And he's an ace anyway, because he said in an interview a while back he'd only date girls who were "10's". Then she had her infamous 'interview' with Tom about the movie role and where he whisked her away on a jet plane, and she then had to turn down because she was pregnant. Being that she was a strict Catholic, she was probably concerned what people (family) would think. Then Tom came up with this story to have them date (ehm - beard?) and get married, and then brainwashed her into ScienTomolgy. I bet she gave birth months ago, but had to hide it because if they claimed it was a premie and it weighed 7 lbs no one would buy it. So I bet they'll wait until the kid is a year old and just say it's "gifted" and "big" for its age. No one saw his other kids until they were a lot older too, so this could be the same thing. Which could explain Katie's fake belly.
Or they are fake adopting some poor scientology girl's baby and have hidden it away until they deem the time to be right. Which would also explain her fake belly.
Either way its a farce.

I don't know about Hebrew, but Suri is a bug that the natives eat in Peru, maybe baby Suri doesn't exist, but the bugs are for real...