June 30, 2006
Eva Longoria crashes honeymoons
Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban flew to Tahiti on Monday to get away from paparazzi for their honeymoon, but when they got there they found Eva Longoria and Tony Parker staying at the same resort. Their plane landed just minutes after Nicole's and they're staying just a few meters down the boardwalk at the St. Regis resort in Bora Bora.
If there's any way to ruin a honeymoon it's to share it with Eva Longoria. Not only will your husband be staring at her the entire time, she's also a freak in bed. Which means you'll have to try to make love to your husband with Eva screaming like a monkey in the background and saying things like, "The butter! Use the butter! Where's the Dong Master 3000? Dip it in the butter! It's time for the donkey. Get the donkey out of the bathroom. I need the donkey!"
NOTE: I don't know what a Dong Master 3000 is. I don't even know if it exists. I just made it up, so please don't try to look it up you sick sick pervert.
Previous Entries
» Paris Hilton thinks airplanes are traveling circuses» Star Jones and Barbara Walters hate each other
» Pamela Anderson bares skin to fight skin
» Britney Spears poses nude in Bazaar
» Nicole Richie has some In-N-Out
Comments
1. Posted by jnk32 on June 30, 2006 12:29 PM
First
2. Posted by MeanNate on June 30, 2006 12:30 PM
Personally, I prefer a Chin Dong, but that's just me.
3. Posted by Fugurself on June 30, 2006 12:31 PM
Its nice to see that America can come together on one topic.
Not giving a rats ass about "Eva Langoria". Warms my heart.
PS: Please stop those "first" statements. They easily identify you as the site idiot.
4. Posted by jane's eyre on June 30, 2006 12:32 PM
I think the Superfish guy is missing the point here. Keith wouldn't be staring at Eva, he'd be lusting after her boyfriend.
5. Posted by jane's eyre on June 30, 2006 12:34 PM
Technically MeanNate would be "first", because he took the time to ACTUALLY COMMENT ON THE STORY, and not practically pee his pants in his excitement to be "first".
6. Posted by jane's eyre on June 30, 2006 12:35 PM
Did I say, "practically"? I take that back. Time to go change your underwear, jnk32.
7. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on June 30, 2006 12:35 PM
Yeah, Eva Longoria would ruin your honeymoon, because she's so hot. That's like saying Paris Hilton would ruin a trip to the titty bar by acting too prude.
8. Posted by dr. kenneth noisewater on June 30, 2006 12:36 PM
I don't give two shits about Eva Longoria so I'll just comment on how much Meggan Harris loves the cock...prolly more than Tom Cruise.
9. Posted by Nikk The Templar on June 30, 2006 12:36 PM
Why hasn't Eva LongWhoria contracted Beastman AIDS and died yet?
10. Posted by sharkbite on June 30, 2006 12:37 PM
Well, at least they will shake the paparazzi. If Eva's there, they'll spend all their time getting photos of her and forgettinga lla bout Nicole.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com
11. Posted by cruzin333 on June 30, 2006 12:37 PM
Eva is ok with makeup on (sometimes) but in this picture she just looks like shit.
12. Posted by cruzin333 on June 30, 2006 12:39 PM
#4 LOL so true, I liked that comment
13. Posted by hisforalways on June 30, 2006 12:39 PM
Can someone please explain who the fuck Tony Parker is?
14. Posted by hisforalways on June 30, 2006 12:41 PM
Okay nevermind I now know..Spurs, basketball..yeah.
15. Posted by Tom Cruise = Cult Puppet on June 30, 2006 12:44 PM
The Dong Master 3000 is a hand-made drilldo especially made for Eva's delicious twat. The drill itself is industrial grade and can penetrate concrete with no problem. The carefully attached dildo has to be constantly lubricated with butter to avoid injuring Eva's hot box.
16. Posted by dr. kenneth noisewater on June 30, 2006 12:44 PM
Tony Parker is the guy who's dong is gonna look like a doggie chew toy after Eva is through with it on their honeymoon
17. Posted by causewerecountry on June 30, 2006 12:44 PM
i'm in love with a tow truck driver....amazing sex
18. Posted by Getitstraight on June 30, 2006 12:48 PM
@ #13 - He is a basketball player.
19. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on June 30, 2006 12:48 PM
15 - Thanks a lot. My vagina just ran whimpering into the corner and I can't get it to come out.
20. Posted by Brak on June 30, 2006 12:49 PM
Why does Eva have Garth from Wayne's World's hair..?
21. Posted by Fugurself on June 30, 2006 12:55 PM
On a related topic, I heard Evais in negotiations to transfer some of her sizzling
on-screen sexuality to the page - by penning a raunchy novel.....then I thought......
Eva is doing what all the trollops of HOLLYWOOD get around to doing-selling themselves.
She is going to cement her "bitch" persona by telling us soon that she likes to
receive flowers before she gets it in the ass. Or how she swings her leg on top of
her boyfriends head while he chews her out.
Eva, noone cares about your bony ass instruction set on plooking.
Advertise for those future slutty roles they'll be giving you.
Love scenes,cock scenes or just you running around with Depends on.
What a dope.
22. Posted by jane's eyre on June 30, 2006 12:56 PM
20
LOL, Wayne's World, Wayne's World, Partytime, Excellent!
Woo-hoo!
15
I didn't know DeWalt was making dildos now. Yee-ouch.
23. Posted by RichPort on June 30, 2006 12:56 PM
Actually, I am the Dong Master 3000. And yes, she does like butter.
24. Posted by Dr.Rokter on June 30, 2006 12:59 PM
"Dong Master" is actually the official title of a 23rd level Freemason. And before people start in on Nicole Kidman, anyone who doesn't get a pants-rending boner thinking about the scene in "Days of Thunder" when Tom Cruise plays with Matchbox cars on her thigh is a goddamn French queerbait who lives in his hooker mom's basement and is pathetic and masturbates pathetically all the time like some kind of fucking pathetic loser retard.
25. Posted by Sloppyseconds on June 30, 2006 01:00 PM
I never took Nicole for a screamer the way I'm sure Eva is. Well, if I saw Tom's throbbing cock, I'd know I'd scream, butter or no butter.
26. Posted by Precisely on June 30, 2006 01:02 PM
Why is this news? They show up at the same place/same time. Who cares.
Oh and..Tony's hot.
27. Posted by HolisticWisdomcom on June 30, 2006 01:02 PM
I do know that there is no such thing as A Dong Master 3000 but may I reccomend the Fukuoku 9000! That is real and something Eva or Nicole would like, I should know I sell them I am a sex educator and not a pervert just because I know about sex toys.
28. Posted by Fugurself on June 30, 2006 01:06 PM
Anyway, I like big titty soap actors like Eva, stay at home and chit chat with their
girlfriends about the cock their not getting and the gamely scent between
their legs because of the lack of it. Have a couple of studs in the script
as window washing and lawn mowers, as the chicks fiddle with their hair and gush all around,
while thinking about groping the young mans balls.
You know the rest. Commercials for cock thickening lotions and pills.
Douches and shampoo and then back to the whoring!
29. Posted by RichPort on June 30, 2006 01:06 PM
Paris Hilton is staying at the same resort down the beach in a part called Whora Whora.
30. Posted by jrzmommy on June 30, 2006 01:08 PM
I hope Nic has her SPF 385748957493579 in Tahiti (of all places for transparently fair-complected redhead to be).
31. Posted by jane's eyre on June 30, 2006 01:19 PM
27
I imagined you saying that last sentence very quickly, your eyes darting back and forth as you stashed your blind mentally handicapped midget porn away. HA HA
32. Posted by UNWASHEDMASSES on June 30, 2006 01:21 PM
The publicity whore that she is, I wouldn't be surprised if Eva read Nicole and Keith's plans, grabbed her French retard and took off for Tahiti to beat them there. With Desperate Housewives' ratings looking desperate and her movie The Sentinel coming and going like a bad fart, she probably did crash a honeymoon to garner press. But in the end, who really gives a fuck? The only way I could summon up enough feelings for any of these celebs is if the resort they were staying at was attacked by man eating jungle monkeys and they wound up being on some rabid orangutan's menu. And then I would laugh... oh, would I laugh until I cried.
33. Posted by jrzmommy on June 30, 2006 01:36 PM
For this to happen to Nicole Kidman on her honeymoon must mean that she is working off some major bad karma---I do believe the name Nicole Kidman means Cross Maker of Judea.
34. Posted by danielle on June 30, 2006 01:41 PM
what is with you idiots claiming "first"? so the hell what? seriously..are you in pre-K?
35. Posted by jrzmommy on June 30, 2006 01:45 PM
I sware to God my kids --3 and 6 -- have been doing this "I'm FIRST!" shit every morning and I find myself getting a little more than annoyed with them.
36. Posted by jrzmommy on June 30, 2006 02:04 PM
What's that "4% Famous" book over there on the right side of the webpage? (Do you all see that, too?) Anyone ever read it? Might have to get that to read at the beach.
37. Posted by jane's eyre on June 30, 2006 02:19 PM
36
If it talks about Paris Hilton, I wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole. Her name alone invokes hordes of herpes viruses, which imbed themselves into the pages, waiting for the opportunity to leap onto the hands of unsuspecting readers, with a fierce battle cry of, "Paris Akbar!" (Paris is Great!)
38. Posted by Spindoc on June 30, 2006 02:26 PM
Do you think when he goes down on her he can smell Jamie Foxx's cologne?
39. Posted by danielle on June 30, 2006 02:51 PM
i've read it. it's like a Clique meets GOSSIP GIRL type of novel. i loved it!
40. Posted by Yoda a Green Schlong Has on June 30, 2006 02:54 PM
24. I would argue that anyone who has seen, or at remembers, "Days of Thunder" might be more of a "fucking pathetic loser retard" than those who are aroused at the sight of TC playing with Matchbox cars.
38. Damn!!!
41. Posted by jrzmommy on June 30, 2006 03:04 PM
38--ouch! good one. Okay, I'll pick up the book and borrow a hazmat suit from our disaster team here in case I see the name Paris Hilton. It'll completely give me fucked up tan lines, but I'll at least protect myself from Hilton Herps.
42. Posted by herbiefrog on June 30, 2006 03:17 PM
#0 so before i even read any of this shit...
the point of the post is that...
they chose the same
"getaway"
resort? ...and that's it?
43. Posted by NewPortJoey on June 30, 2006 03:21 PM
How about following some trendy gay male honeymooners for a change?
44. Posted by herbiefrog on June 30, 2006 03:23 PM
#12
ok i got to twelve...
without reading much
except 4
...so this is
...for real ?
...or just
...ponies
... : )
45. Posted by herbiefrog on June 30, 2006 03:28 PM
#24 thats letting
it out
a
> > > bit ?
fuck off dude, welcome back : ) )
46. Posted by andrewthezeppo on June 30, 2006 03:30 PM
Remember when she dated JC from N'Sync for like a year? Not really relevant, but still really hilarious.
47. Posted by herbiefrog on June 30, 2006 03:30 PM
#29 thanks and i've taken you off the list
48. Posted by herbiefrog on June 30, 2006 03:34 PM
#36 we have all ads off
never se e
t
h..
.enm
49. Posted by herbiefrog on June 30, 2006 03:36 PM
#37 and...
50. Posted by PaisleyMoon on June 30, 2006 05:25 PM
50th! Wooooooooooooooo. Fuktards.
51. Posted by Mandy on June 30, 2006 06:47 PM
Jeez..I'd guarantee that Eva did this to garner press attention. Pathetic! She really is just a dumb Mexican media whore. Maybe we could tie her up, throw her back across the Mexican border, and leave her there! I could never understand the big deal with Desperate Housewives anyway? And..to be honest..has anyone ever really looked at Eva's face? She's not even pretty! Enough said.
52. Posted by MyWellRehearsedMistake on June 30, 2006 06:50 PM
Maybe i'm out of the loop but how does the super fish guy know so much about what Eva's like in bed? From how she was in those pictures the other day i'm sure she does act she's forgotton to take her ritalin.
"I need the Donkey!"
46. I agree. Why did she date that loser? I wouldn't touch him for any money.
53. Posted by WorldWideWendy on June 30, 2006 07:43 PM
Eva and boyfriend were a wedding present from Elton John for Nic and Keith.
There was a regestered list just like other people have, but instead of toasters and crock pots, they wanted other couple to have sex with.
Elton is nothing if not generous. That tall bastard cost a fortune to secure ( Eva, on the other hand was very cheap, and came with a strap on attachment).
54. Posted by BlondesDoItBetter on June 30, 2006 10:02 PM
Why would *anyone* be looking at Eva Longoria? Cute face, but she has the body of a 12-year-old boy.
55. Posted by Helena on June 30, 2006 11:56 PM
EWWWW!why the hell did Eva bleach
her hair blond? it looks totally
crap!! like dry straw. Don't
people know that brunettes are
way hotter than blondes anyway?
56. Posted by prideofchucky on July 1, 2006 02:55 AM
No way.. THE DONG MASTER 3000 is out now!?!?!?
Well, looks like they got all my critique letters...
57. Posted by HollyJ on July 1, 2006 04:47 PM
You've got it all wrong. It's not Dong Master, it's Master Dong
http://www.shuhari.org/?q=node/3
58. Posted by naeboo~ on July 1, 2006 06:22 PM
@56: not only is the dong master 3000 out, it comes with a plaque removing attachment too ^___^
59. Posted by rocking_robin on July 1, 2006 10:33 PM
59th Whoo..hooo....who actually give a f**k !!
Eva can look hot, but not this time....I know I would given the chance.
60. Posted by akarasu on July 3, 2006 01:07 PM
#51 You ignorant skank. Eva Longoria was born and raised in Texas.
61. Posted by A TRUE FRIEND on July 6, 2006 02:25 AM
Well thats Eva for u...do I have to say anything else..no,really it's not like she did it on purpose..She's too nice to do something like that,and trust me,I know.Plus, it was Tony's idea anyway.
62. Posted by BernadetteStJohn on July 10, 2006 12:11 PM
@ 26
Tony is NOT hot, have you seen him? He looks like that guy in "Red Dragon" after Hannibal Lector ate his face...yuck