Zhang Ziyi Might Be A Hooker, Though Probably Not By Choice, Yeesh

May 31st, 2012 // 35 Comments

Chinese film actress Zhang Ziyi (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Rush Hour 2, Memoirs of a Geisha) is apparently being accused of being a high-priced prostitute for Communist Party officials which despite the most recent of those movies coming out seven years ago, has become a huge story today because here’s a list of things dudes on the Internet can’t get enough of (in order):

1. Cat pictures
2. Dog pictures
3. Porn
4. Asian chicks
5. Redheads

That said, Lainey Gossip has an awesome analysis on the whole scandal that’s well worth the read considering it suggests that if Zhang Ziyi was banging Communist politicians it wasn’t by choice (lovely), and paints a picture of the Hong Kong film industry that makes Hollywood with its pedophile cabals and homosexual Jews who turned John Travolta gay look quaint in comparison. It also should immediately put dollar signs in Dina Lohan‘s eyes because, holy shit, has she been working out of the wrong town. Between Ali and Lindsay she could’ve bought her own palace by now. “And to your left is sacred House of Fiery Hole and Ginger Bags. Legend say, one who look like Russell Brand will do British accent while jerk you off. Not very believable but adds to ambiance.”

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. whiskeyafternoon

    well, if you’re going to be a corrupt, evil Communist party leader with infinite resources, this is a fine way to spend them. Fish got the list nearly correct; I don’t think I’d distinguish porn as a separate category. asian porn and redhead porn compete strongly with dog and cat photos.

  2. Deacon Jones

    “That’s hot”

  3. Smapdi

    And these are the people America is hopelessly in debt to? Oh, grand.

  4. JC

    Somewhere, in a Taiwanese love hotel, a drunken Dina Lohan stands in the middle of a group of Asian businessmen and points at Lindsay and Ali:

    DINA: Allright, who wantshz firsties?
    ASIAN BUSINESSMAN 1: I rike the one with big titties, but her hands rook rike craws from the dragon that takes meth. 50 dollar.
    DINA: Ish that US or Taiwanese dollars? Eh, who caresh. Winner!
    ASIAN BUSINESSMAN 2: I take one that rook rike dying bamboo tree.

    And…scene.

  5. wheiie

    asian women are all prostitutes

  6. Deacon Jones

    hahaha,

    I dont have much bad things to say about the Chinese (because they actually do this thing called “work”), but in my experience with the 4 Chinese nationals we have in our office, they have the personality of a brick. No expressions, laughter, just straight faced and blinking.

    • Smapdi

      That’s called “making yourself a small target”, and if I had that kind of corrupt government, I’d do the same thing.

      • Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

        well said, but they are a naturally introverted race, which is diametrically opoosed to American extroversion/bigness.

  7. mel

    i would gladly pay to have her delicate and puckered hole situated inches above my face! she’s stunningly gorgeous!

  8. Jack

    Man, this is a shitty story. I have a friend whose from Shanghai and we were talking about this last night. It’s corrupt as fuck, and while it’s funny to imagine Zhang Ziyi as this happy, highest price hooker in history, the poor girl (if it’s true, and they are not trying to smear her name) was probably raped or coerced by the officials. My friend says that back in the homeland, Zhang Ziyi kind of has a reputation for being Western (doesn’t pretend to be some virgin, was engaged to a billionaire Israeli dude)…so this may be some sort of “punishment” from the party for pissing off or saying the wrong thing to certain people. I hope it’s that, because in this case of worse or worst scenario that worst is just so much more disturbing.

  9. Guesty

    The Lainey writeup was amazing. It’s frankly awesome to read someone with Chinese ancestry opine, openly, about the repugnant and insane level of corruption and insensitivity bred over the long term in Chinese culture and enhanced by it’s no-regulation-having, suicide-for-lowly-officials forcing fucking utterly shameless government. I have a very close friend who is ABC, and we can’t have a fucking conversation about that, so I don’t let her know that I double and triple-check the country of origin listed on toothpaste boxes and soaps like a damn maniac, and won’t buy anything I cook with embossed with ‘made in China.’

    Zhang Ziyi is absolutely gorgeous. She’s 33 in those pictures. 33! I hope whatever happens or happened, that she’s able to leave the country full stop. I guess she won’t get the Jackie Chan treatment (treated like an amiable goofy hero, but apparently known in H.K. and China for being a douche and knocking up women not his wife), poor lady.

    • Jimmy

      In recent years Chan has also come around to singing the gospel of the Wonderful and Benevolent Communist Part of the People’s Republic of China. I guess he found that it pays better in China to parrot the party line.

  10. The Royal Penis

    It could be worse, she couldv’t been a low paid prostitute.

  11. anon

    She has some sort of ethereal beauty — seeing her in a movie, you really just can’t look away. Lainey’s writeup was great, but very sad, given that it seems extremely possible. I hope things get better for the talented and beautiful Zhang Ziyi.

  12. Order one from column A, one from column B.
    With two, you get egg roll.

  13. Zhang Ziyi Communist Hooker Cleavage
    Slick
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow.

  14. Juano

    Those of you who think this is a joke, I’d suggest you read the Lainey Gossip article. Over the top a little, but very true.

    You should think of the poor people who get abused like that just so you can have an Apple product before you make snarky comments like this. And before you beatify Steve Jobs, just think how those abused workers in China today were well paid workers in California not so many years ago.

  15. Zhang Ziyi Communist Hooker Cleavage
    h1001
    Commented on this photo:

    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Sausage

  16. theoriginal LJ

    You guys believe this shit?

    Shakes head and sports a wry grin as he walks into the sunset. Suckers will believe anything.

    • Smapd

      Blinded by the setting sun and from huffing his own farts, he steps into traffic and is run over by a fortune cookie delivery truck. At the funeral, the whole family has a good laugh when they realize that it was the only moment in his life when something finally knocked some sense into him.

  17. El Jefe

    She is so gorgeous.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      Who is giving that the thumbs down?
      We’ll wait while you take a squeegee to your greasy coke bottle horn-rims.

  18. Drundel

    Damn, $100 million???

  19. This woman dated an Israeli billionaire and anyone thinks she’s incapable of selling sex for profit? Oh sure, she just found the billionaire’s personality impressive or was it his sense of humor? Reality check: she’s a whore

  20. Chico7

    Lainey’s imagination has finally gotten the best of her. She also imagine anyone under the age of 40 still wants to fuck Pitt or Clooney.

  21. Chinese pussy, the best there is.

  22. Zhang Ziyi Communist Hooker Cleavage
    Gwest
    Commented on this photo:

    No ink? She’s a keeper.

  23. KC

    I guess she won the Chinese Hunger Games.

  24. She is gorgeous. I want to see her in more movies. I really hope this isn’t true. Nobody should be subjected to that kind of thing. China is a very corrupt country, so no doubt shit like this is going on, I just hope she’s alright.

  25. Zhang Ziyi Communist Hooker Cleavage
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