There’s A Petition For Zack Snyder To Direct ‘The Batman,’ No, NO!

“Okay, Ben, I need more crying about your mom and less singing Mötley Crüe.”
“But I am too young to fall in love, Zack. ♫ I’m too yooooung! ♫

At least once a day I suggest the internet should be burned alive along with everyone in it, so let’s go ahead and count this post towards today’s quota because apparently there are already fans petitioning for Zack Snyder to direct The Batman after Ben Affleck stepped down because it’s frickin’ hot in the suit, Chahleen. His bawls were like Tahm Brady in a jacuzzi, all fackin’ haht and sweaty and glistenin’ in the light… quick, let’s do it in my El Camino! Via Change.org:

Snyder has a stellar record with comic book and graphic novel properties. Starting with 2006’s 300, and followed by Watchmen in 2009, he has shown his skill with, and commitment to, being incredibly faithful to iconic source material. Many scenes in both films are panel-for-panel recreations of the graphic novel pages. He doesn’t try to stick his two cents’ worth in every movie, putting his own spin on things (they like to call it “artistic license” in the biz) just because he can. He knows how much these stories mean to their fans, and that goes a long way in my book. He has my respect for that.
Another reason is continuity. Aside from the abysmal Suicide Squad, Snyder is pretty much in the driver’s seat for the whole DCEU. He directed Man of Steel, and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice; and is also slated for Justice League: Parts 1 & 2. So it only makes sense to let him remain in control, for the sake of the integrity of the film universe itself. Having a bunch of different directors work on a single series is just asking for trouble, both in continuity and in the dreaded “creative differences.” (Yes, it has mostly worked for Marvel, but the MCU is lightning in a bottle. Let’s not pretend that makes it a foolproof formula.) He’s already familiar with all the principal characters and their respective portrayers, so he isn’t going to go screwing with established canon or pissing off his stars.
Finally, there’s his style, visually and tonally. He’s created a beautifully dark DCEU, and populated it with characters and stories who fit the narrative perfectly…

Wow, Jesus Christ. Okay, first off, this is assuming a lot of whole things:

1. That Wonder Woman won’t shit the bed and be another embarrassment like Batman V Superman and Suicide Squad.

2. That Justice League won’t shit the bed and be another embarrassment like Batman V Superman, Suicide Squad and possibly Wonder Woman by the time it hits theater.

3. That Ben Affleck won’t just quit playing Batman altogether, which according to Forbes, has a really good chance of happening now.

More specifically, I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this every chance I get, but Zack Snyder had the opportunity to make the very first live-action movie starring Batman and Superman, and he turned it into a three hour funeral where Lex Luthor pees in jars and two of the most iconic superheroes of all time act like mopey dicks who stop an epic battle to cry about their moms. Granted, I’m not entirely sure how much cocaine that translates into, but it can’t be more than going, “Okay, that guy doesn’t touch anything again. I barely had enough to give to my hooker. This isn’t how man was meant to live.”

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Photos: Warner Bros.