Remember Zachery Ty Bryan? Good. Hold Onto Those Memories. Hold Onto Them Tight.

[Insert Tim Allen grunting “Oh no no no” here. And maybe that “Aiiieeeah?” sound.]

TMZ has millions of dollars to hire cameraman and strategically place them all over Los Angeles, so naturally they were able to capture video of Jonathan Taylor Thomas making a rare public appearance in Hollywood last night. We can barely afford to pay Photo Boy, so all we’ve got are these red carpet of Zachery Ty Bryan from the same night who is nowhere near as dreamy. In fact, one out of two bloggers on this site have been quoted as not wishing they had a vagina so it could whistle as it ovulates from the sight of Zachery’s face, so you win this round, TMZ. This round… (Vaginas whistle when they ovulate, right? I’ll master these noonerholes yet.)

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Getty, WENN