Zac Efron Had A Coke Problem This Whole Time

“No, I’m not going to have sex with an orange juice glass on my balcony. *sniffs, rub nose, unzips pants* The fuck’s a matter with you? But, hey, listen. Call you back.”

Yesterday, the Internet got a little surprise when TMZ reported that Zac Efron secretly checked in to rehab for what was assumed to be an alcohol addiction except it was coke. “Uncle Walt’s Special Sugar,” I believe they called it in the Clubhouse before that redheaded girl kept stealing it. I forget her name. Anyway, it’s also apparently all Seth Rogen’s fault:

We’re told the problem spiraled out of control during the filming of Seth Rogen’s movie “Neighbors,” which was shot during a narrow time frame beginning in April.
Sources tell us Zac — who also starred in the movie — was a no-show on a number of days. As one source connected with the film tells us, “It was common knowledge he was struggling with cocaine.”
Three other sources confirm … Zac’s problem was rooted in cocaine, but say he also dabbled in Molly — a pure form of Ecstasy, and a popular drug in clubs and raves.

When you think about it the signs were there: Dropping a condom on the red carpet of a children’s movie premiere, thinking it would make Nicole Kidman capable of producing moisture, and an inability to understand how glass works. And did that report say Molly? Because I can’t imagine how he was exposed to that. There were never any clues he used to have sex with. We’re not detectives, Zac, you gotta let us in!

If Seth Rogen made Zac Efron do coke so he’d be a more compelling actor, what’s the right way to say it worked like fucking gangbusters and he should never stop doing it? I don’t want to be irresponsible here.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Splash News