You Can Now LITERALLY Rest A Cup On Kim Kardashian’s Ass In Your Own (Expensive) Home

I don’t know what’s more humiliating, floating around a pool on an ass floatie or the fact that no one thought of doing this sooner. Kim’s online store,, is now selling a blowup rear-end effigy that I assume came from the same manufacturing plant that constructed her own.

For the low low pre-sale price of $98 *pukes*, this fucking thing better have tiny little peach fuzz hairs all over it and smell like cocoa butter and Kanye’s feet (you know he’s the kind of weirdo who’s into feet stuff). Also if I find myself at a pool party this summer that has one of these, I’m going to pee in that pool… between the buttcheeks… and giggle… DAMN IT, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS!

For those who want to make your neighbors think you’re even more of a douche, why don’t you try these cheaper, yet equally classless floaties until Kim’s ass float comes off backorder.

toilet float

Price: $20

america float

Price: 76 Trumples or $40 American


Fuck it… we’re done. Humans are done. We gave it a hell of a try, but it’s over.