WEEKEND NERDIOR: Wait, This Wonder Woman Costume Is For Porn? Edition

By: The Superficial / March 30, 2013

What you’re looking at is not the new, surprisingly well-done costume for a standalone Wonder Woman movie or Justice League. It’s for Wonder Woman XXX: An Axel Braun Parody starring Kimberly Kane. That’s right, the porn version of Wonder Woman has a better costume than David E. Kelley‘s whatever the fuck and the Danish one who fights Nazis with a machine gun. I may talk a lot of shit about America, but sometimes, not often, even if I have to stand back and go, “Maybe we really are the greatest country on Earth.” Then I remember Sarah Palin was almost a heartbeat away from being the president and go back to selling military secrets to Al Qaeda. I don’t know how else you react to that.

The Wolverine

After 18 million teases, The Wolverine finally got a trailer where just like the unfortunate posters, the international version kicked the shit out of the US one. Apparently Fox doesn’t think the bar is low enough after X-Men Origins: Wolverine and just wants to make sure. “What if we put Will.i.am in these?” they probably said. [The Superficial]

Metal Gear Solid V Didn’t Even Call David Hayter To Tell Him They Broke Up

Hideo Kojima officially confirmed Metal Gear Solid V earlier this week for PS3 and Xbox 360 (Sit in the corner, Wii U!), and then dropped the bomb that David Hayter, the long time voice of Solid Snake, has been replaced to “recreate the series.” If this didn’t immediately cause you to kick over your chair, please email me what it feels like to experience the warm, tender caress of a woman’s vagina. I hear some whistle a jaunty tune to lure in sailors. Is it true? [Kotaku]

Kick-Ass 2

Here’s the international trailer for Kick-Ass 2 just in case you weren’t sure they weren’t going to grind Hit Girl into the ground and ruin how well she worked in the first movie. It’s like they didn’t even try to stop Chloe Moretz from hitting puberty:

And Speaking of Mark Millar

Fox has picked up The Secret Service which like Kick-Ass, Matthew Vaughn will write, direct and somehow make way better than the source material. On that note, Mark Millar should just start calling every new comic he write, “Another Movie Pitch: Now With Only 4 Months Between Issues!” [Deadline]

Iron Man 3 Is A Toy-Pooping Machine

We’ve already seen Gwyneth Paltrow in an Iron Man suit – which still smells like macrobiotic gazpacho by the way – and apparently there’s going to be 800 more in Iron Man 3. So you may want to adjust your expectations from “Awesome!” to “How do I buy all these action figures without looking like a pedophile?” [CBR]

Bioshock Infinite

After at least a year in delays, Bioshock Infinite finally dropped on Tuesday, and I haven’t been able to touch again since I cut out out of work to write my first impressions which really bodes well for Photo Boy. On that note, I expected to be hailed by the industry for finding the vagina statue, so I’m just going to assume they’re all jealous. [The Superficial]

Man of Steel

There’s a pretty big, previously hinted at, spoiler for Man of Steel floating around right now. So if you want to know what it is, go nuts. If not, too late: HE’S NOT WEARING RED UNDERWEAR BECAUSE AQUAMAN STOLE IT. [AICN]

Why Grant Morrison Killed Robin

If you’re wondering why Grant Morrison felt the need to kill Damian Wayne, it’s because his parents got a divorce when he was little and his mom probably would’ve murdered him with a Batman-clone assassin, too, just to piss off his dad. True story. [BuzzFeed]

Prometheus 2

Damon Lindelof has cleared up rumors that he originally talked Fox into turning Prometheus into a trilogy, only to bail, leaving no one with any clue what the hell to do with the sequel even though “it was payback for murdering Space Jesus” pretty much writes itself. [io9]

There’s A Fables Video Game?

And it’s all about Bigby Wolf. Get out of my dreams, and into my sexless car that. Although it gets remarkable fuel economy, ladies? [IGN]

Star Trek: The Video Game However…

Looks TERRIBLE:

Deadpool

Ryan Reynolds is still trying to get an R-rated Deadpool movie off the ground which in light of Green Lantern, should end with him getting his face slapped with a glove – Or me having sex with Blake Lively. Just throwing that out there. – but part of the plan is to make the movie piss all over X-Men Origins: Wolverine, so we should at least hear him out. For the children. [CBR]

Game of Thrones

“All this political intrigue is cool, but what I really want to see is every death from the first season all in one supercut. And the second, too, if you have it.” By all means. [WWTDD]

Captain America: Winter Soldier

For some reason, Batroc the Leaper will be in Captain America: Winter Soldier and be played by UFC fighter Georges St-Pierre. Keep in mind, Batroc’s superpowers are none because he just jumps around kicking things. So unless Captain America’s weakness is being annoyed the shit out, I don’t know what the fuck. [Latino Review]

And just to make this even more ridiculous:

Follow The Superficial on Facebook || Twitter

Photo via AICN