WEEKEND NERDIOR: Wait, This Wonder Woman Costume Is For Porn? Edition

March 30th, 2013 // 29 Comments
Weekend Nerdior
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What you’re looking at is not the new, surprisingly well-done costume for a standalone Wonder Woman movie or Justice League. It’s for Wonder Woman XXX: An Axel Braun Parody starring Kimberly Kane. That’s right, the porn version of Wonder Woman has a better costume than David E. Kelley‘s whatever the fuck and the Danish one who fights Nazis with a machine gun. I may talk a lot of shit about America, but sometimes, not often, even if I have to stand back and go, “Maybe we really are the greatest country on Earth.” Then I remember Sarah Palin was almost a heartbeat away from being the president and go back to selling military secrets to Al Qaeda. I don’t know how else you react to that.

The Wolverine

After 18 million teases, The Wolverine finally got a trailer where just like the unfortunate posters, the international version kicked the shit out of the US one. Apparently Fox doesn’t think the bar is low enough after X-Men Origins: Wolverine and just wants to make sure. “What if we put Will.i.am in these?” they probably said. [The Superficial]

Metal Gear Solid V Didn’t Even Call David Hayter To Tell Him They Broke Up

Hideo Kojima officially confirmed Metal Gear Solid V earlier this week for PS3 and Xbox 360 (Sit in the corner, Wii U!), and then dropped the bomb that David Hayter, the long time voice of Solid Snake, has been replaced to “recreate the series.” If this didn’t immediately cause you to kick over your chair, please email me what it feels like to experience the warm, tender caress of a woman’s vagina. I hear some whistle a jaunty tune to lure in sailors. Is it true? [Kotaku]

Kick-Ass 2

Here’s the international trailer for Kick-Ass 2 just in case you weren’t sure they weren’t going to grind Hit Girl into the ground and ruin how well she worked in the first movie. It’s like they didn’t even try to stop Chloe Moretz from hitting puberty:

And Speaking of Mark Millar

Fox has picked up The Secret Service which like Kick-Ass, Matthew Vaughn will write, direct and somehow make way better than the source material. On that note, Mark Millar should just start calling every new comic he write, “Another Movie Pitch: Now With Only 4 Months Between Issues!” [Deadline]

Iron Man 3 Is A Toy-Pooping Machine

We’ve already seen Gwyneth Paltrow in an Iron Man suit – which still smells like macrobiotic gazpacho by the way – and apparently there’s going to be 800 more in Iron Man 3. So you may want to adjust your expectations from “Awesome!” to “How do I buy all these action figures without looking like a pedophile?” [CBR]

Bioshock Infinite

After at least a year in delays, Bioshock Infinite finally dropped on Tuesday, and I haven’t been able to touch again since I cut out out of work to write my first impressions which really bodes well for Photo Boy. On that note, I expected to be hailed by the industry for finding the vagina statue, so I’m just going to assume they’re all jealous. [The Superficial]

Man of Steel

There’s a pretty big, previously hinted at, spoiler for Man of Steel floating around right now. So if you want to know what it is, go nuts. If not, too late: HE’S NOT WEARING RED UNDERWEAR BECAUSE AQUAMAN STOLE IT. [AICN]

Why Grant Morrison Killed Robin

If you’re wondering why Grant Morrison felt the need to kill Damian Wayne, it’s because his parents got a divorce when he was little and his mom probably would’ve murdered him with a Batman-clone assassin, too, just to piss off his dad. True story. [BuzzFeed]

Prometheus 2

Damon Lindelof has cleared up rumors that he originally talked Fox into turning Prometheus into a trilogy, only to bail, leaving no one with any clue what the hell to do with the sequel even though “it was payback for murdering Space Jesus” pretty much writes itself. [io9]

There’s A Fables Video Game?

And it’s all about Bigby Wolf. Get out of my dreams, and into my sexless car that. Although it gets remarkable fuel economy, ladies? [IGN]

Star Trek: The Video Game However…

Looks TERRIBLE:

Deadpool

Ryan Reynolds is still trying to get an R-rated Deadpool movie off the ground which in light of Green Lantern, should end with him getting his face slapped with a glove – Or me having sex with Blake Lively. Just throwing that out there. – but part of the plan is to make the movie piss all over X-Men Origins: Wolverine, so we should at least hear him out. For the children. [CBR]

Game of Thrones

“All this political intrigue is cool, but what I really want to see is every death from the first season all in one supercut. And the second, too, if you have it.” By all means. [WWTDD]

Captain America: Winter Soldier

For some reason, Batroc the Leaper will be in Captain America: Winter Soldier and be played by UFC fighter Georges St-Pierre. Keep in mind, Batroc’s superpowers are none because he just jumps around kicking things. So unless Captain America’s weakness is being annoyed the shit out, I don’t know what the fuck. [Latino Review]

And just to make this even more ridiculous:

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Photo via AICN

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  1. Sarah Palin = Joe Biden: A dumb fuck is a dumb fuck, Fish. So how about you drop the DNC mind control drivel and show me tits. “Give me Tits or give me death” – what Patrick Henry MEANT to say.

    • cc

      Give me a break, Crabby Old Guy. As a foreigner looking in on the United States there is NO comparison between the two. Joe Biden mightn’t be the be all and end all of politicians, but he’s intelligent, educated and articulate…Sarah Palin is plainly lacking in intelligence, has a marginal education, and mangles the language every time she opens her mouth. She’s a rank opportunist, inflammatory fool, and an all round carpetbagger.

      • Crabby old farts and their fucked up “reasoning” skills are exactly why the US still has one foot in the shitter.

      • My Soap Box

        So you like having a bag of shit that looks good on the outside, rather than one that looks like a bag of shit?

        GREAT REASONING GUY

        Wouldn’t it be better just to tell BOTH the DNC and the RNC we won’t accept anymore SHIT period.
        Guess that would make just too much sense.

      • Eric

        “but he’s intelligent, educated and articulate”

        Articulate? Really?? You are talking about Joe Biden right? Maybe you are a foreigner, but Biden has been known in Washington for decades by both Democrats and Republicans as the Gaffe-O-Matic for how much he says stupid things. Just Google Bidenisms or Gaffe-O-Matic to get pages of examples.

        Here are a couple of my favorites
        ”When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.”
        —Joe Biden, apparently unaware that FDR wasn’t president when the stock market crashed in 1929 and that only experimental TV sets were in use at that time, interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 22, 2008

        ”Look, John’s last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs.”
        —Joe Biden, Athens, Ohio, Oct. 15, 2008

        As for Intelligent/Educated. Biden was busted in college and numerous times throughout his career for plagiarism. He also claimed to have 3 degrees in college and graduated near the top of his class. Both of which are untrue, he has a BA and a JD, and he graduated college 506th out 688 and graduated law school 76th of 85. Hardly the top of either class.

      • jocelyn elders

        Where do you think you are?! This isn’t CNN or something.
        Take your logic and get the hell out of here. People like you aren’t welcome here.

      • matt

        I think what they meant, Eric, is that Biden is a democrat, not a republican, so it doesn’t matter how far his head is up his ass.. It doesn’t matter that it’s a shit popsicle instead of a vomit taco.

        They’re the exact same fucking idiots that they hate..and it’s hysterical. It’s completely hysterical that they try to build a persona of ignorance and shallowness, and “superficiality” but truly have a hard on for the left wing, and truly care about politics.

        The liberals are every bit as horrifying and terrible as the republicans.

  2. Seriously Hollywood is fucked up. The costumes and the beautiful women in porn parodies are 110% better than those $100 million+ budget films that Hollywood crank out. We want our superheroes to be in sexy outfits? How hard is that to understand. I’ll stick with the pron parodies. :)

    • Exactly, WTF when the women in random free porn are on average 10 times hotter than the usual A-listers now.

      • Inner Retard

        Wouldn’t mind less than hot actresses if they could ACT! They are supposedly artists who entertain with their clothes on, after all. But ugly and talentless?! Ironically, they probably got the job by imitating most porn plots:

        - Mr. Producer, what could I do to get this job?
        - Well, you could oil the zipper on my pants. (cue porn music)

  3. cc

    I am not much of a fetishist (unless you call loving asses being a fetish) but I have to admit having a go at a pornstar in that Wonder Woman outfit has a lot of appeal. And yes, it iS much better than anything Hollywood can come up with. I wonder what she does with her golden lasso?

    Chloe Moretz…another Chris Hansen ‘why don’t you have a seat over there’ candidate. I hope they don’t fuck that movie up…I thought the first one was an outstanding example of the genre.

  4. At first I was offended, why do you have to talk shit about America?

    Then I realized, we have Kanye West, Chris Brown and Barrack Obama. So yeah, it all makes sense now.

  5. I read somewhere that the guy who made Bioshock Infinite is a Communist and that he designed the game to mock the Tea Party and undermine America—and you know something like that’s just gotta be true. Why aren’t you writing about THAT, Fish? WHY ARE YOU SUPPRESSING THE TRUTH???//

    • dftgu

      Does fish has any sort of communist necessity to cover up for them? or is it that videogames in a celeb stalk site is irrelevant???

    • Are you really encouraging Fish to waste more of our time & his spouting off on political b.s. that he knows nothing about, instead of posting pics of hot chicks in bikinis, which he’s pretty good at?

  6. anonymous

    She kind of looks like Katy Perry in that photo.

  7. Porn Wonder Woman Costume Kimberly Kane
    JohnTx
    Commented on this photo:

    where can i get this for my gf!!!

  8. Porn Wonder Woman Costume Kimberly Kane
    Jagi
    Commented on this photo:

    Kimberly Kane has a clip store where she posts videos of smothering guys with her bare ass, “forcing” them to tongue her butthole. This is my kind of Wonder Woman.

  9. Bring on the porn version…there’s a lot of shit Kimberly Kane could get me to do, and she wouldn’t even need that lasso!

  10. rob

    Does anyone else find it funny that the hollywood actress is the one with the obvious and shitty fake tits and not the porn star?

  11. Porn Wonder Woman Costume Kimberly Kane
    Jethro
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s the ultra-shiny pantyhose???

  12. Porn Wonder Woman Costume Kimberly Kane
    Commented on this photo:

    The reason the porn version of Wonder Woman looks much better than anything Hollywood can come up with is practicality.

    Porn Wonder Woman isn’t going to be wearing her costume for long. In five minutes that thing’s going to be crumpled up on the floor while she gets busy with whoever.

    Mainstream Wonder Woman is going to be wearing that thing for 90% of the movie, she has to fly in it, fight bad guys in it etc. Also you got to consider the mainstream actresses will be complaining the Wonder Woman’s costume makes them look ridiculous and they they think they look fat in it, etc.

  13. Porn Wonder Woman Costume Kimberly Kane
    Porkpie
    Commented on this photo:

    That photo is so hot, I’m already slapping Gilligan around.

  14. GJerk

    Most expensive porn ever?

  15. SMB

    …seriously; how much do fox and sony want to sell the rights back to marvel? can’t trey get a bank loan? …at least give marvel a chance to fuck up spidey, FF, hulk, x-men, and DD.

    …millar, bendis, brubaker, and quesada have ruined marvel, and comics in general …fuck all of them, hard, in the urethra. (all comics and comic movies should be written by straczynski, dini, and kirkman, ONLY)

    …well, they can’t fuck up the whole “rescue” concept (or the rhodey character) any more than the books did …still waiting on happy to become “freak”. (and the “demon in a bottle” story)

    …here’s why i have zero interest in man of steel; in the trailer; when clark says; “what was i supposed to do, let them drown?”, pa kent says; “i don’t know…maybe” …wait, what??? PA KENT??? …that’s it, i’m out. (lord save us all from this era of everything must be “gritty” and “edgy”…damn you WWF and your attitude era!!!)

    …all they had to do was say he was mimic, instead of deadpool …i’d've been fine with that. (although these are the same folks who inexplicably made banner’s dad the absorbing man)

    …shut the fuck up! batroc the leaper is one of the coolest silver age villains ever!!! (right up there with paste-pot-pete and stiltman) …dat nigga knows SAVATE, the deadly art of french kickboxing, so you need to rek-uh-nize!!! …he’s kind of a throwback, though, to the old school when marvel used to severely downplay cap’s (and spidey’s) superhuman strength, and had him (them) fighting a lot of regular joes …they’ll probably give batroc a french derivative of the super-soldier formula to make him more formidable. (like they did skull and goblin) …i’m waiting for zola to show up as the head in the robot torso!

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