NEWSFLASH: Winona Ryder still loves her some shoplifting. This report from a week ago slipped under the radar of most outlets. But fortunately I found out, and, shit, I’ll report anything. Right, Chocolate Rain Kid? Anyway, here’s the scoop as reported on Janet Charlton’s Hollywood. Love your chews, baby! [Editor's Note. It's actually Charleston Chews. Not Charlton. Way to be, Janet.]:
Security stopped the shopper, who turned out to be none other than Winona Ryder! She showed the guard her receipt and he proceeded to check her bag. There were a couple of makeup items that were not paid for. Wide-eyed Winona said “I don’t know how that happened” and she quickly paid for the makeup before braving the exit once again.
Remind me to make sure the china cabinet is locked the next time Winona Ryder stops over. I don’t need her stealing my Darth Vader collectable plates. In the meantime, I have no idea who any of these other people are in these pictures. But I’m sure they went home missing a wallet, watch, jewelry and gold fillings. Seriously, she’s that good – except in retail stores. Apparently sensor tags confuse and baffle the Winona.
Thanks to Bonnie for the tip. You stole my heart and, also, my social security number. I’m gonna need that back.
cavy | March 21, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Last…
The Easter Bunny | March 21, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Betcha some of my missing eggs were in that fuckin’ purse, too.
Famous Plastic | March 21, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I hate it when stuff that doesn’t belong to me falls into my purse! Poor Winona…
BarelyStearn | March 21, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Is it just me or this site pretty much always screwed up of late: Pages load like crap…Posts of our host’s disappear or load up out of sync from previous occasions…Jesus: This site is like Amy Winehouse’s face!
j*nny | March 21, 2008 at 2:24 pm
She crazy. That’s what happens when you sleep with every member of Wilco.
bob sakamano | March 21, 2008 at 2:25 pm
this girl she is with looks like a really ugly katie holmes
nipolian | March 21, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Looks to me like she should have swiped some nose cream.
Ted from LA | March 21, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Bearlystern,
It is not just you. This is the slowest site of any I visit. I hate it, but I’m so hooked on this community, that I can’t avoid it. I’m growing to hate the Fish. I would prefer the pictures be posted without his commentary. I give him a D- for creativity these days. Now I’m going to go get drunk and smash the empty beer cans on my abs of steel.
will | March 21, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Ted, that was freaking genius. I too tire of the beer and abs bullshit. The guy probably isn’t old enough to drink and has never seen a strip club in his life.
nipolian | March 21, 2008 at 2:45 pm
#8 – Come on……Klepty McStealcrap………That’s comedy gold, Jerry, gold!!!!
Fish……you really do need to sober up and get a service call in for your server.
BallsOnYourChin | March 21, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Ted from LA, when was the last time the Fish wrote about his abs. You bring that shit up all the time. What do you do for a living? This dude gets paid to trash celebrities all day and write hilarious shit while you sit in your lame office job trying to pass yourself off as “in the know” because you’re from LA. Your weak name says it all, man. You and Will should get together and host a popular site on a daily basis. But you can’t because you haven’t made a remotely funny comment once since posting on here. Give it a rest. The Fish rules. That’s why there’s a community here.
SMG | March 21, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Winona Ryder’s vagina is the rock and roll hall of fame.
dude | March 21, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Alright guys, stop fighting and check out this short clip called “Paris Hilton and her va-jay-jay” which will start your weekend off right:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdhwA82ilAw&NR=1
Frigging HILARIOUS! Skittles and Vodka!
Slater | March 21, 2008 at 3:05 pm
WInona stole my huge pee pee and stuck it in her box once. She tried to keep it, but I had to reclaim it. The we killed some Heathers.
jesse | March 21, 2008 at 3:09 pm
@11 Yeah, what you said.
The Superficial writer isn’t the funniest guy in the world, but he’s definitely gotten quite a few good laughs out of me. That’s why I’m here, and that’s why I’ll continue to come here.
Tip for people who are tired of him:
Now, this doesn’t work for everyone. Results may vary.
Every once in a while I will come across a site that I don’t like. I read what the webmaster has to say, and I’m like “dude, you’re a fucking idiot”. I rant and rave to all my friends(who I’m cooler than) to make sure they know how stupid this guy is. I also post condescending comments about him on his own site to make sure he knows he’s an idiot. When I finally realize nothing’s going to change, even though his most important reader(me) dislikes his way of putting things.. I STOP GOING TO HIS FUCKING SITE. Guess what! No one’s forcing you to be here, and there are a million other celebrity gossip/gadget/movie sites out there.
Ok, it’s time for my nap now. I’m getting cranky.
4815 | March 21, 2008 at 3:20 pm
@6, I agree. The people she’s with look like bad Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes impersonators. And Winona Ryder looks like Gollum. A happy little Gollum who likes to steal.
ATX | March 21, 2008 at 3:29 pm
What’s wrong with her wrist in pic 1? That ain’t normal. Look at the little troll in the last picture standing on his tippy toes for the picture. Aww, what a fag!
SMAWG | March 21, 2008 at 3:29 pm
WOW, congratulations! The photographer has caught Winona Ryder at the elusive transitional moment between hot young thing and dried out old bat! It’s amazing, you can still see some of the young hot Winona in photos 2 and 3, but 1 and 4 show the future “chicken jerky” version of Winona whose movie roles will be limited to chain smoking career diner waitresses and washed up old strippers.
Dan | March 21, 2008 at 3:44 pm
God, that’s so hot. I bet she’s the kind of girl who’d screw in the changing room.
Ted from LA | March 21, 2008 at 3:45 pm
#11,
Fish,
If you’re going to address me, I prefer you do so in your witty commentaries. It’s bad form to post under an alias when you run the site (and I use the word “run” lightly). You want to know what I do for a living? I sell DVDs and videos for Abs of Steel. I also own a bar where we eat cake made out of whiskey on Friday nights.
davan | March 21, 2008 at 4:06 pm
The chicklet with her is Ginnifer Goodwin, only the guy knows who he is.
boo | March 21, 2008 at 4:22 pm
WTF happened to her face?!! She used to be so adorable. Now she looks like Audrey Hepburns corpse.
Hemlock Queen | March 21, 2008 at 4:37 pm
She’s so talented and beautiful. I’d like to see her in movies again. So why doesn’t she get help for her kleptoness. It’s obviously a sign of a bigger emotional problem. A feeling of emptiness is a big trigger.
Compliments of Dr. H. Queen, Psychiatrics.
brennie | March 21, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Johnny Depp was in love with that?
Sara | March 21, 2008 at 4:44 pm
wow, she does look like she’s aging. I just don’t understand why she would risk getting caught shoplifting, considering all the shit that happeneda few years ago.
Sara | March 21, 2008 at 4:44 pm
wow, she does look like she’s aging. I just don’t understand why she would risk getting caught shoplifting, considering all the shit that happened a few years ago.
aja | March 21, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Aging is so scary. I literally thought this was Liza Minelli or somebody.
titlesswonder | March 21, 2008 at 5:05 pm
This site is no where near as slow and bad as fucking Bossip. Bossip sucks more for slowness and freezing your frigging PC than any other site on the net.
travis | March 21, 2008 at 5:05 pm
winona, you can steal my heart and my dick. i love you.
starship | March 21, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Can she steal her career mojo back? Probably not. Hmmm but she could steal a starbucks green tea frap for me.
Missystar | March 21, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Considering that she’s pushing forty, she looks pretty dang good. Wear sunscreen, kids!
Harry Ballzack | March 21, 2008 at 5:37 pm
These pictures remind me …….. I need to go feed my horses
brooke | March 21, 2008 at 5:47 pm
What is wrong with her? She has the freaking money to pay for this stuff she steals or I would think she does, unless she has recently went bankrupt and no one knows. What she needs to do, is start back actually making movies, since by profession she is an actress. However, nowadays, you can be a Hollywood has been or of made 2 movies or something (not talking specifically about WR) and say you are an actress and then continue to do absolutley nothing, but yet people still consider you an actress. Don’t you have to act before you can be an actress…I guess she is taking her acts to stores, her new shoplifting act is entertaining I guess she thinks that more than makes up for a good movie…Who can blame her though, she has to catch up with the likes of Britney, Paris, and Lohan in the tabloids, they can’t upstage WR…
Cindy | March 21, 2008 at 6:03 pm
The guy in the last picture is Blake Sennett from the band Rilo Kiley. I’m pretty sure they’re engaged now…?
ryan | March 21, 2008 at 6:29 pm
the guy in the last picture is blake soper/sennett. he’s currently in rilo kiley, but i know him from salute your shorts (pinsky) and boy meets world (joey the rat). i love him. hahaha :)
Nash | March 21, 2008 at 6:34 pm
#34 is right.
Blake Sennett AKA Ronnie Pinsky.
kerry zaputz | March 21, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Wow! It appears as though she’s shoplifted some plastic surgery, too! She is unrecognizable. Certainly an eye job, and maybe a face lift too?
fon | March 21, 2008 at 6:59 pm
She’s so talented and beautiful. I’d like to see her in movies again. It is sais she is dating a young millionaire on a dating site called meetingwealthy. Her sexy photos and profile arefound there.
batavia | March 21, 2008 at 8:42 pm
the chick in the picture with wino is on that HBO show Big Love, Margie i believe is her character.
RENEE | March 21, 2008 at 8:57 pm
Gosh, I used to think she was so beautiful, now she just grosses me out. And nice granny hands, Winona; stop smoking already.
herbiefrog | March 21, 2008 at 9:53 pm
excuse us…
can we get back on subject here… ?
can someone tell that girl to eat something
sometime soon…
[what? we didnt say anything...]
lambman | March 21, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Wow I seriously looked at that first pic for like 2 minutes and still am not totally convinced its her. She doesn’t look bad, just doesn’t look like Winona
#6 “this girl looks like a really ugly Katie Holmes” LOL, aside from the fact that they look nothing alike at all this “girl” has been acting since Katie Holmes was 2 and is a far more acomplished actress
Sarah | March 21, 2008 at 10:05 pm
I don’t know if it’s the makeup, the hair, the lighting, or the fact that she’s looking particularly thin, but her face just looks different to me. It still looks like Winona, but her nose looks longer and bonier, if that makes sense.
It’s not really an improvement. But, she’s still pretty.
And, she’s 36, so I wouldn’t exactly say she’s “pushing 40″ just yet, lol!
At least, that’s not how I will refer to myself when I’m 36… it’ll be “mid-30′s”. :)
piglet | March 21, 2008 at 11:30 pm
the superficial writer is is funny as shit, fat with talent i say.
i haven’t noticed the page loading slowly at all, in fact it’s better than it ever has been.
i love you superficial writer person or persons. will you ever give us your true identity?
LL | March 21, 2008 at 11:54 pm
I love the Superficial writer. He makes me laugh my ass off. It’s actually the only exercise I get. Don’t take that away from me, man…
Meaghan | March 22, 2008 at 12:11 am
Wouldn’t it be crazy if someone somehow planted that shit on her, and she is 100% serious about not knowing how it happened? Or maybe she’s just been hitting the pipa like Fergie, staying up for two weeks at a time, and mythical turdstool fairies came down to her from the 12th inner planet and told her to take the make up.
Meaghan | March 22, 2008 at 12:14 am
Oh my god I just figured it out, Susan Surrandon planted that make up on her. I guess Winona didn’t pleasure her orally enough during the filming of “Little Women”,
zuzuspetals | March 22, 2008 at 12:58 am
wow- she looks batshit crazy. Can we all agree that being a celebrity really fucks a person up?
Pixie | March 22, 2008 at 11:51 am
Man she’s really starting to age…I think she’s pretty still, but she just looks different….I wonder if she’s hard work done or something =/
BarelyStearn | March 22, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Uhh…What’s up with the Doctor Spock ears…?