Wilmer Valderrama is mind boggling

Lindsay Lohan claims she split with Wilmer Valderrama because she couldn’t handle all his flirting, but doesn’t make much sense because we’re talking about freaking Fez here.

Wilmer was my first love. But the timing was bad. And there were all these girls around; he would flirt with them. And I couldn’t handle that. I really didn’t trust him. So that was hard too. My life was too out of order. I was too depressed. I was too concerned with Wilmer this, Wilmer that.

Fez must be some kind of sorceror, because there’s no other explanation for how he managed to date Lindsay Lohan and Mandy Moore and then make them believe that they had a good thing going. That would be like McDonald’s serving me freshly pooed poo, and then me getting upset because it wasn’t pooey enough. Okay, that was a pretty weird analogy but you get what I’m saying: McDonald’s serves poo. Feces, man. Feces.