On the off-chance you were nowhere near a computer this weekend, right after we farted out for the day on Friday, which is probably the most professional way to describe our workflow, Will Smith apparently “slapped” a reporter in Moscow after the dude tried to kiss him on the mouth during the red carpet premiere of Men in Black 3. Except it turns out this guy’s whole schtick is to uncomfortably surprise-French celebrities, so Will Smith acted like anyone else would’ve in the same situation and, honestly, stayed pretty composed given the circumstances. Unfortunately, that’s not a sexy story, so let’s just say he killed the guy. Just straight fucking murdered him then quipped, “Gay marry that, bitch” before spitting on his corpse. I saw the whole thing.