Will Netflix Ruin The Dark Crystal Prequel?

“See Ron, the cool thing about revisiting The Dark Crystal in 2017 is that we can replace all that expensive, time-consuming puppetry with CGI!”

*rips a line of coke off a stripper’s tit*
“I got it! NETFLIX FREE TRIAL BY STONE!”

There are two kinds of people who were born after 1982: those who were equally enchanted and terrified by The Dark Chrystal as a child… and Scientologists. If you identify as the former, you might be happy to hear that a teaser trailer has been released for The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, the Netflix-backed prequel to Jim Henson and Frank Oz’s Podling-melting, child-scarring, puppet masterpiece.

The new trailer is mostly some interesting concept art underneath soundbites of Jim Henson talking about how making the 1982 film felt like the hardest and best thing he’s ever worked on. Then they flashed the new Skeksis and my butthole tingled a little bit.

For the most part, it looks like they’re giving a crack at creating an analog universe – great, right!?

Meh…

Louis Leterrier, the guy behind Ed Norton’s Incredible Hulk and that Clash of The Titans remake, is sitting in the captain’s chair. From Hollywood Reporter:

…with Louis’ vision, powerful storytelling, and a mix of cutting-edge digital imagery and visual effects,” said Cindy Holland, vp original content at Netflix. “I can’t wait for families around the world to see how we bring these unique characters to life.”

I don’t think Netflix is stupid enough to completely abandon the badass puppetry that made the first film so special. You’re goddamn lying to yourself if you can’t say that seeing this scene as a child didn’t disturb you to the brink of throwing the VHS into the street. I’ll just be really disappointed if one of the Skeksis hops on the back of some flying dragon and goes into some budget-rendered aerial battle.