Why the Hell Were These People at The Kids’ Choice Awards?

April 4th, 2011 // 106 Comments

Because there is nothing more dark and edgy than Nickelodeon, Taylor Momsen showed up at the Kids’ Choice Awards Saturday night just to make sure everyone knows how little she gives a shit about it or however emo logic works. X = Sulk a lot? I have no fucking clue. Anyway, she wasn’t the only questionable celeb walking the red carpet: The vapid, racist known as Paris Hilton and the non-biodegradable Kim and Kourtney Kardashian were also invited. I’m guessing to encourage kids that being famous is as easy as falling out of a rich vagina, being peed on or even just being related to someone who has been peed on. There’s really no criteria anymore which is why I’m already embracing Kid who Farts with His Armpit as our new celebrity overlord. That is, until he goes commercial and it’s no longer about the farts. “I was into him when he was just pissing me off at Starbucks,” I’ll earnestly say to everyone, chest puffed proud in my Cocoa Puffs T-shirt.

Photos: Getty, Splash News


  1. Deacon Jones

    Geez she looks like my kid sister that I used to fuck everyday…

  2. dpbefun


  3. direchef

    I guess every bag of candy needs a razor blade.

    • Ruth

      Let’s try this again, apparently comments no likely the lesser than sign.

      I :heart: U Fish.

      You need to write a book. :)

  4. Burt

    Why was she there?

    Well, she’s still a child, isn’t she?

  5. uncle ruckus

    We’re screwed.

  6. Drew

    Kids award shows are edgy as fuck, duh.

  7. Kids Choice Awards
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    She went clearly to teach the kids sex ed.

    “And these are breasts!”

  8. Kids Choice Awards
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    Pidgeon toed and a lazy eye. That’s hot.

  9. LJ

    Maybe Taylor Momsen was there to see if she could hook up Snoop Dogg.

  10. Anita H.

    Because liberals run the majority of the media and feel everyone (children included) should be free to express their sexuality and be “who they want to be”, regardless if its sucking dick, being pissed on, having babies at 16 etc.

    Celebrate Diversity, remember?

    Funny how the results of everything you stand for boggles your mind.

    • Let me shed some light on this, being from a somewhat Liberal household growing up:

      The people mentioned in this article are the antithesis of everything any good liberal parent would want their kids to be and I will explain:

      We have one girl, seemingly from a normal household that went from child star to weird wannabe punk girl something-or-other and dresses like she’s ready to do a shift on the pole..all at the tender age of 17, maybe 16 when she started?

      Then you have the Heiress from a, supposedly, good old line family that made it big by being known as a troublemaker in the Hamptons and sucking off one of the slimiest guys to walk the face of the planet on camera. Oh and I think there’s some video out there of her doing lines off of some meathead’s pecs some years back.

      Then you have the two sisters, neither of which actually have a career doing anything of note, one of which catapulted the entire family into the spotlight by being fucked on camera by her then boyfriend.

      Liberals teach their children to be strong, inquisitive, worldly and value education, which is why many of them end up populating the halls at various prestigious bastions of higher education in this country and beyond. They on to become academics, high level professionals, leaders and notables the world over.

      Human nature is human nature though and even if one has the desire to suck cock, do lines and basically act like a schmuck freely, any good liberal would have the good sense not to record that on camera.


      • Nobody read the above comment. Keep it brief people.

      • uncle ruckus

        “why many of them end up populating the halls at various prestigious bastions of higher education”
        Spoken like a true ivory-tower holier-than-thou commie lib. You’re all soooo much better than everyone else, right? Couldn’t have anything to do with higher education in this country being one colossal marxist circle-jerk, could it???

      • uncle ruckus

        Oh, and don’t forget: those who can’t do, teach.

      • Clarence Beeks

        I agree we should keep it brief, but I read it. I loved it!

        It angers me beyond belief that these disgusting people were at the KIDS’ CHOICE awards. The fact that KIDS know who these people are is frightening!

    • lux

      People with permissive parents usually end up wearing bedroom slippers to job interviews, taking pictures of their Charazard tattoos with their parent-paid iPhones, and leaving unpaid internships because they’re “crushing my soul, man.”

      • lux

        Oh, and using “quod erat demonstratum” incorrectly, as it’s meant to end a discussion of a logical syllogism: that which has been set out to be proven has been proven.
        That’s another liberal education thing: taking the class, being too distracted to pay attention, and bragging that you got a B- on the final without studying and that you don’t “remember a fuckin’ thing, man, it’s soooo heavy.”

    • Anonymouse

      WTF??? You do realize that the most right winged network in your gosh-forsaken country produces the most vapid, smutty crap the world has ever seen (Hello Fox!)?

      All this crap about the so-called “liberal media”. It’s total bunk! Anyone from any first-world nation outside of the US can see how insanely right-winged your media and political discourse is. Do you not see the correlation between your nations rabid devotion to unfettered capitalism and the profit-motivated shift towards “lowest-common-denominator” smut on your TV? Is the US education system really so bad that you cannot make that basic logical connection? My goodness!

      Maybe if your media truely was “liberal”, sexual content would be more appropriate, aimed at adults and not the grotesque porny caricature it currently is.

      Btw, if anyone is even slightly interested in these matters I recommend a book called “Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture” by Ariel Levy.

    • Bob G.

      Internet rule #1874: there is no comments thread anywhere that cannot be turned into “libtards hurr hurr / teabaggers derp derp”.

      • Zombie Nellie Oleson

        Amen to that. God how I dread the coming election year! I’d love to see everyone get so pissed off at the level of political discourse they all write in Sponge Bob for every office.

    • Tony

      Its their way of rebelling. They dont want anything to do or resemble the generation that now has this world so screwed up, knowing they have to pay for it.

    • mafme

      Liberals aren’t the ones having babies at 16. I think you actually just don’t know what a “liberal” or a “conservative” is and just throw the terms out because morons on talk radio and on fox news simply apply the label “liberal” to everything they think is bad (even if it’s something they made up).

  11. I see she wasn’t brooding and edgy enough to wear her “I Fuck For Satan” shirt to the Kid’s Choice awards.

    • McFeely likes Smack

      Hey asshole, not everyone reads slowly like a moron such as yourself. Who are you with your profane, mundane posts every fucking day, to tell anyone what not to read?

      With that out of the way, it should be obvious not that the folks that rule us all are whoring out our children. No money for educating the masses anymore, television is filth and violence. Ever notice how graphic the forensic shows are becoming with vivid portrayals of exhuming the dead and rotten corpses?
      Skull -n- Bones
      Plenty of money for various wars though, right?

      Turn off the tv people. Or at least, don’t let your children watch anything other than educational. Even some of that is becoming propaganda.

      Have a nice day.

      • Thanks, I will!

        PS, tell your dad I said “Hey”.

      • Kisses4Katie

        I THINK you meant to reply to mcfeely smackup up there. Not Iveski, what they are referring to is called “sarcasm” and actually Iveski makes a GREAT point. someone like Taylor (who considers herself and emo artist) would have loved to wear something to intimidate the parents. It’s obvious she is either fake (YES!) or her people got a hold of her, but i seriously think it’s because she really isn’t this ‘hard little girl’ she makes herself out to be. Oi, we were all getting fucked at that age u dumb bitch. The ones who didnt’ brag about it were usually the ones with the most wretched stories to tell. So yea, I think most of what comes out of her mouth is muff cabbage, and she really has no fucking clue.
        But my original point was, Iveski made a good comment. back off. XD

    • dpbefun

      Tell your mom I said hi and,..thanks ;)

  12. Kids Choice Awards
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    “Teen Choice Awards”, why would you let your kids watch these air headed, no talent, famous for nothing, women in the first place. They are trash one and all.

  13. The “Kid’s choice award” isn’t about Kid’s Choice, is about making money. Trash sells and the advertising industry has no scruples when it comes to this stuff.

    This is why you have 2 wanna be porn stars, a useless sister of one and some kind of prepackaged jailbait as ‘notables’ that showed up.

    That’s about money, plain and simple.

    Shame on the parents for even showing that to their kids.

  14. Kids Choice Awards
    Cock Dr
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    When Paris gets tired of a pair of shoes she uses them as beds for her little dogs.

  15. Kids Choice Awards
    Cock Dr
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    Yeah, dat ass needs ruffles camo.

  16. Richard McBeef

    Are those cigarette burns next to her dog collar?

    • Howard the Duck

      I want to see her wearing only that dog collar. Not because I am into that, but because I hate seeing dogs dressed up in people clothes.

  17. JediVirginLoser

    if she spent one more minute applying eye makeup, she would be appearing in blackface

  18. the one



    There is no point arguing with a right-wing sock-puppet. Simply saying “CHOKE ON COCK YOU REPUBLICAN CUNT” is enough.

    • Man, you liberals really get your shorts in a knot over the idea that somebody might disagree with the way your loose morals are destroying the very fabric of this country.

      • Richard McBeef

        all you political cock socks can go suck a goddamn lemon.

      • Even bringing up political orientation for something like this is basically a big bright sign on your forehead that says “I’m a low information voter that takes easily to political hackery”

        This has nothing to do with politics or the end point of such and everything to do with money.

        Stop being so dense.

  20. I’ll bet anyone $500.00 she has either a tit tattoo or a pierced twat hood.

    • you’re going to lose that bet.

      She give every appearance of trying to APPEAR edgy, but only in the most superficial, vapid fashion. A Tattoo or piercing would require actual commitment, which she doesn’t appear to have. She’s more of the “wear a tshirt with ‘fuck’ on it” and “dance close with another girl” type edgy, not “i cut myself and do A2M because I dont’ respect myself” edgy.

      • Kisses4Katie

        McFeely makes another excellent point. this bitch has no piercings, no tattoos, no actual ‘edginess’ besides being born with the silver spoon and having money to get ‘designer’ edginess. Bitch is the very definition of ‘i need attention’ There is nothing real about her.

    • uncle ruckus

      I’ll bet anyone double that she still sleeps with her stuffed animals and her security blanket, and sings along with broadway show tunes every morning.

  21. Taylor Momsen was there because she can’t enough goo launched at her face.

  22. Kids Choice Awards
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    What a classy and age-appropriate outfit for the Kids’ Choice Awards, Kim! Are you going to wear a white sheet and pointy hat for the NAACP awards too?

  23. Kids Choice Awards
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    That’s the closest together Kim’s legs will go.

  24. Cardinal Ximenez

    ‘Cause nothing says pre-teen role model like an emo, sex charged singer wearing an S & M collar. I can’t believe they even let her on camera wearing that. Submissive fetish gear has no place on a kids show. This is a kids show right?

    What I find disgusting is that the Taylor Mommsen types can’t have their stylist find something appropriately edgy for the event. She just comes across as trying way to hard to make people believe she’s edgy.

  25. Kids Choice Awards
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    Paris Hilton showing off her “it will always be year 2000 to me” look.

  26. Kids Choice Awards
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    Hey, everybody look at me! I’m so tired of people looking at me.

  27. Whoa…whoa…whoa…

    These people were invited to the Kid’s Choice Awards??? The Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards???

    So let me get this straight…a network devoted to CHILDREN’S programming, hosts an awards show devoted to having CHILDREN vote for their favorite actors, tv shows, movies, etc…invited PORN STARS to the award ceremony?

    I no longer have any sense of connection to the world I live in. At some point it passed me by and I’m left feeling like an old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn.

    • Jock McCrock

      Seconded. Paris Hilton and the Kardashians got famous on the back of sex tapes, while the Momsen girl (who for adults is about as edgy as Barbara Bush), is trying to ride on a slutty, S&M vibe. Appalling that these pathetic specimens of humanity should be celebrated at all, but at a children’s event is beyond belief.

  28. I believe the children are our future….our slutty, raccoon faced future.

  29. Kids Choice Awards
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    An open letter to Nickelodeon:

    Look, I don’t have kids, and I generally don’t give a damn about kids. But even I know that parading around sluts who shot and released sex tapes (notice the plural) just for the express purpose of stirring up preteen deification in little girls, all so Nickelodeon can sell more commercial time, will earn you your own circle in hell. May all of your daughters, wives and mothers release their own sex tapes, you human slime.

  30. rican

    Hey, jerkoffs, she’s a KID, so she WENT!

  31. Kids Choice Awards
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    Wait a second. The Kids Choice Awards are an off-leash ceremony?

  32. Kids Choice Awards
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    “And the winner for Most Positive Pap Smears goes to…”

  33. Kids Choice Awards
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    The styling of the belt hides the titanium reinforcement nicely.

  34. Kids Choice Awards
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    Is it possible to have two lazy eyes?

  35. cc

    I don’t care, if I had her around the house all she’d have left on is that collar and by God I’d make generous use of it.

    “Bark for your bone, Sparky. Louder!”

  36. Riroon

    I nearly threw up when Taylor M was announced. I try to play off the fame-whores like Miley and the K’s, as I know they have appeal to a large spectrum audience.

    But the girl that wears an “I fuck for Satan” tee-shirt…


  37. Kids Choice Awards
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    What a rebel.

  38. Kids Choice Awards
    still hit it
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    remember at least this one is still a kid

  39. Did they slime her? If not, I’m available. Mine’s white, not green, though.

  40. Kids Choice Awards
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    She forgot her Klan hood and robe.

  41. Kids Choice Awards
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    It’s clear Momsen was there to scout for potential child soldiers for satan’s army. I hear she and the dark lord are cool like that.

  42. Kids Choice Awards
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    Im suprised to see her out in the daylight. Shouldn’t she be bursting into ash right about now?

  43. stupid website

    The superficial = overgrown/obnoxious white trash frat boys.

    I hate it here. I hate this site, I hate reading the comments. I miss Europe.

  44. Yeah, ’cause Moldova is where it’s at.

  45. Nickelodeon must have been doing its part for animal rights by inviting this poor girl in a raccoon costume.

  46. Kids Choice Awards
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    Coke is fun, kids. It’s slimming.

  47. Kids Choice Awards
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    Nickelodeon’s theme for the Awards: “Sell your sex tape, and you don’t actually have to have talent.”

  48. Kids Choice Awards
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    This was just before she flashed the audience.

  49. Kids Choice Awards
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    kids love sex tapes.

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