Why Is Justin Bieber At The Beach With Jerry Sandusky?

“I don’t see how biting my nipple will make me tougher, Coach, but you’re the boss.”

Here’s Justin Bieber running around Cabo with a “family friend” as his bathing suit threatens to reveal the Holy Maple Twig of Syrupgotha at the first crash of a wave. So for comedy’s sake, let’s assume this dude is Jerry Sandusky and he’s teaching Justin how to be a hardass so dudes stop making fun of him.

JERRY: Alright, Justin, now the first step to earning a man’s respect is wrestling him naked behind a sand dune.
JUSTIN: Sure thing, coach!
JERRY: Wow. You’re not even going to question that?
JUSTIN: Golly willikers, coach, why would I do that?
JERRY: I prayed my whole life for a boy like you… *wipes tear* And here you are, excuse me…

Photos: Fame/Flynet