Why Charlie Sheen Really Joined Twitter

March 3rd, 2011 // 75 Comments

On Tuesday, Charlie Sheen suddenly had a verified Twitter account within a matter of hours despite Twitter moving away from the verification process that typically takes days if not weeks to complete. Shortly after joining, he immediately reached over one million followers thanks to spending all day Monday either giving the most-coked out interviews of his life or having a manic episode, whichever you believe, although it’s probably both. Since then, despite being touted as a “phenomenon,” his Twitter account has been remarkably anti-climactic unless you enjoy pictures of hot dogs, because now Charlie is forced to be the creative force he’s proclaimed himself as. (According to him, he created Two and a Half Men and runs the entire show all by himself.) At any rate, Internet startup Ad.ly gave an interview with Ad Age yesterday explaining how they brokered the deal with Twitter to get Charlie an account as fast as possible. While they attempted to sell it as him connecting directly with his fans and having “his voice” heard, the overall impression was he found out you get $10,000 a tweet for ads. So of course this happened this morning on TMZ:

Charlie Sheen told TMZ … the reason he’s taken up Twitter is simple — it’s a “cash cow.”
Sheen told us … his primary motivation behind the new ramblings is that he can score a fortune through advertising. To give this some context, Kim Kardashian is reportedly pulling in $10,000 per tweet.

After watching hundreds of sad clowns attempt to be Internet badasses by praising Charlie as “The Man” and “a legend” who’s going to “tell it like is” on Twitter, I’ve put a lot of thought into coming up with my response to this latest development that everyone should’ve seen coming because coke and live-in hookers are expensive. So here goes:

SUCKERS.

Adding… Yes, The Superficial run ads, but I don’t tout myself as the Tiger Blood Jesus bringing nothing but winning truth to the masses. Like any publication or broadcast, this site requires revenue to keep the lights on. Charlie Sheen, on the other hand, is a millionaire actor who just fleeced every single one of you rubes. He’s become Kim Kardashian with a drug habit. On that note: This is how you really respect your fans on Twitter.

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. devilsrain

    Well that will pay for the coke bill

  2. Nicely done, Fish.

  3. Jealousy Anyone?

    Lol. How has he fleeced anyone? Its costs absolutely nothing to click “follow” on twitter

    • Splint

      Yeah, I’m not sure how he fleeced me. The last few weeks he’s made me laugh and watching the #tigerblood and #winning memes propogate through the Internet has entertained me thoroughly. I’m not out even a single penny. I hope he makes millions off twitter so he can continue being a drug-fueled nutcase and entertaining me.

      • Milo

        Agree with Splint. What does Fish think, that we’ve somehow been duped into reading his entertaining tweets just because he’ll make money off it? Who cares? Keep the money flowing in I say, ’cause when the dough gets low, the hoes gots to go.

      • dramkit

        Also agree with Splint. Charlie’s kept me so well entertained lately, and at absolutely no cost, that I feel I’m fleecing him. Sort of.

        Also, I thought the site was supposed to be Superficial? Why the morality?

  4. slappy magoo

    The only narc Charlie’s on is narcissism.

  5. DogBoy

    Keep calling Charlie “a god” because he’s screwing a pair of pornstars and carries cocaine around by the pound.. OK fanboys?
    I call him…. douche.

    • Fists of Fire

      yeah, I betcha Charlie’s crying his eyes out because he doesn’t have your approval or admiration, crying on top of his giant pile of money, in one of his mansions, or flying in his private jet, with an endless parade of gorgeous (ok, at least decent looking) broads banging him anytime he wants. I have more admiration for Sheen pissing away his fortune on hookers and coke than I do for some dumbass like Bill Gates frittering away his fortune spending it all on useless crap like food and medicine for Africans.

      • jonesy

        Yep. Nail on the head, fire fists. Bill Gates is a jerk. How dare he use his fortune to devise means and mechanisms by which the third world populace of our planet can live healthier lives!? Cretan! He should be setting a good example for the next generation of young minds by living in a fantasy world and proclaiming himself a hero on twitter! Because that’s not “frittering”. Jesus, I want an apple fritter.

      • DogBoy

        Fists of Fucktard: There’s a reason why every celeb who COULD shill for $$$ for diet pills, DirectTV, or the opening of a used car lot…… DOESN’T.
        Its douche-y.
        Charlie could make more than $10Gs a pop any day of the week to cut the ribbon at a grocery store, or endorsing some other crap— so maybe you fanboys should decide now how low he has to dip before you, too, start calling him an asshole.

      • creamy zinger

        Hey jonesy, ‘fists’ comments were obviously facetious. Get past the first few words of a post and you might do a little better.
        And it’s not “cretan,” it’s “cretin,” you morAn.

      • creamy, not buying it. Altho Fists has been found not to be Greek, that post is. sadly, sincere.

      • Burt

        Decent looking? Only through beer goggles, or in his case, through a crack pipe.

    • Ed

      He’s the god of hedonism.

      • DogBoy

        @CZ: Not buying being “facetious” from Fists.
        Looks and sounds like typical “I wish I were fucking them pornstars and snorting what he is” fanboy worship to me. Earning $10G for pointing at a product logo in a cell phone pic is one thing… avoiding looking like a “pathetic douche sellout” while doing it is quite another.
        Idea probably came from one of the goddesses… who would let you shit on them for the right price. Yeah, nasty….

      • jonesy

        Hello, Jiz Cream Zinger. I was quite obviously referring to the fact that Fists of Fire is from the Isle of Crete and makes an excellent spanakopita. Try reading past the fourth line of a post and stop worrying about spelling…its 2011 and nobody cares about spelling anymore; LOL, STFU, L8R.

      • creamy zinger

        Keepin’ it real, huh? As in: real dumb.

  6. Bieber Fever

    Seems Charlie’s just winning on this deal – $10,000 bucks a pop for some nonsensical tweets, and he got the account set up, running and a million people following him pretty fast. wtf does he care if all his tweets are crap like ‘drink more ovaltine’?

  7. Coke Booger

    They should make it “every tweet gets you a goddess”.

  8. Charlie Sheen
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Charlie has two hot dogs, not just one.
    Because he’s winning, and always has the best plan. What further proof do you need?

  9. Tigerbloodenvy

    I hope he’s making good jack for all that tigerblood and winning!

    #tigerblood
    #winning
    #hotwetGoddesses

  10. Donovan

    I’m pretty sure that it’s illegal with the FTC. Internet marketers (I’m an affiliate marketer) need to give disclosures on the products that we promote through either a disclaimer in the body of the post, or in a general disclaimer at the bottom.

    Who wants to sue them both? It’s illegal without disclosure.

  11. I’d say anyone who even HAS a twitter account has already been played for a fool.

  12. Gotta say, I’m looking at the photos of crackhead’s live-in poontang of the week, and I am let down.
    That one gal “Natty” is quite unattractive; not at ALL deserving a goddess label. The blonde, once her shellacking of cosmetics is removed, is simply meh.
    Compare those girls to his ex wives. Charlie’s no longer pulling in the top shelf pussy.

    • DogBoy

      agreed. he’s got coke goggles on.

      • Damn, but there are some disloyal hookers out there. You renege on buying just ONE Bentley and the stellar poon just goes and deserts you. There is no nobility in their houses, that’s for sure.

      • Milo

        Maybe Frank, but have you seen Bree Olson in action? This girl does things that I’ll bet Denise or Brooke can’t possibly do…

      • Milo – To my shame I must admit that yes, following some of the dark links on this site I did venture into a place where snippets of “Bree Olson” action were offered up even to those of us unwilling to provide credit card information.

        She is a whore.

        There’s nothing appealing to me seeing a very young woman being used as a human spitoon. It makes me wonder about her mental state, because it should take more than a pile of money & drugs to get someone to so totally & publicly degrade themselves.
        As to Charlie’s ex wives, I can’t imagine he would marry any woman who wasn’t (A) an insatiable user of street drugs & (B) willing to open up every orifice to his fists & phallus of fire. Ouch.

    • Mike Walker

      He should’ve kept the hot mexican broad.

  13. steve

    I’d be ok with Charlie Sheen except for 2 things:
    1. he’s dragging his kids into his #winning drugs-and-violence lifestyle
    2. he’s getting a free pass on obvious criminal activity that would land anybody else in jail

  14. DogBoy

    Bolstered by the goddesses’ bright ideas on money-making, Charlie will be shitting in a pie tin on video for cash in a week or two. Well played, girls.

  15. Dan

    Once he made a twitter account I begin to think the entire thing has been a setup from the start.

    • Burt

      Nah, he’s still manic…But, being he’s so Hollywood, he can’t even do that on his own without consulting his publicist and agent first.

  16. Richard McBeef

    Let me tell you about my life. I am a somewhat professional and I have to spend all day saying sane things. Then I go home and put in a few more hours at the home office. I cap off the day with being denied sex with my wife. Wake up the next morning and do it all again. On the weekends I might get to go shop for curtains at IKEA.

    Compare that with CS: mountains of coke, piles of pornstars, heaps of cash, little responsibility, and no requirement to say to sane things day in and day out.

    Fuck yeah, I’m a sad clown.

    • DogBoy

      1) When you do get laid, I bet you still feel friction sticking the Mrs.
      2) You probably won’t choke to death on your own vomit in the next month
      Count your blessings, you’re two up on Charlie

      • Richard McBeef

        1) I’ve got kids
        2) Are you sure that choking to death on vomit isn’t a better option than my current scenario?

      • You guys, you kill me. Yeah, you GOT kids. Charlie’s are not in his possession, but depending on how annoying yours are this may or may not be a better option than your current scenario. Have you considered just losing your shit in the curtain aisle of IKEA and loudly proclaiming that you’ve defeated retailing using your mind? You probably can’t be denied any more sex for embarassing your wife than you already are, and the additional upside is you won’t be taken on any more shopping trips.

      • Richard McBeef

        I was speaking about kids solely from a ruined vagina standpoint.

        I might have to pull that off at IKEA this weekend.

      • The thing is, if your wife is supremely pissed off at you for deliberately going batshit crazy at IKEA, every muscle in her body will try to clench itself into a fist. Which also means her vag will be the tightest it’s ever been since the kids appeared. The irony here is that there’s no way in hell you’ll every be able to confirm this since she will shoot you in the parking lot without thinking twice if you try to put a move on her.

  17. Rough deserve to be in Kimmy's jam

    Is he crazy? who is reporting he reached 1 million followers on twitter? No one but, Ashton Kutcher can achieve this feat. NO ONE, not even CNN…

  18. Charlie Sheen
    Bristol Palin's vagina
    Commented on this photo:

    Those do look excellent — a chili dog and one with diced green peppers and mustard.

  19. Jmac

    Fleeced? Have you been paying for Twitter buddy? I haven’t. The only we could have been “fleeced” would be if we somehow got screwed out of money.

  20. Charlie will blow over any week now. He needs to keep upping his retarded game to stay in the press, so he’s the male Tila Tequila. And to keep upping the game is to loose credibility with lame stunts and drama. We’ve seen it all before on this site with Michael Lohan, Spencer Pratt, etc etc…looking forward to his irrelevance.

  21. Sad Clown

    He’s still the man.

  22. Milo

    THIS JUST IN: Charlie Sheen to volunteer at local zoo by giving tiger blood transfusions to ailing tiger. Afterwards he will have sex with two rare freebasing chimpanzees. Correction, that last part is at home.

  23. Upskrt Celebs

    That’s good reporting considering he took a drug test in the interview, I’m sure they scrutinized the hell out of it, and it came back clean.

    • bitingontinfoil

      …only because they scheduled it 72 hours in advance. Cocaine is water-soluble and will be excreted within 3 days and therefore undetectable in a urine test. Now, if he wanted to impress, he should’ve taken a hair follicle test.

  24. Mike Walker

    I’d rather hear some facetious banter from “internet badasses” than overly-earnest expressions of concern about Charlie Sheen’s kids, who are probably safer than 90% of the kids in America. And, despite your attempt at distinguishing your ad sales from Sheen’s blatant cash grab, you’re going to exploit this unfolding tragicomedy until it reaches it’s end, at least from those “suckers” without adblock.

    • Mandi

      Ok… I love Fish, but you are a GENIUS.

    • bitingontinfoil

      …physically safer – maybe, but *mentally* he’s doing severe damage. Let’s not forget the OTHER three children he has who are old enough to read the papers/blogs and watch the rambling interviews of a maladjusted drug-addled douchebag.

  25. Cone Zone FTW.

  26. CheechWizard

    10k per Twitter? Sounds like an urban legend to me.

  27. Charlie Sheen
    Commented on this photo:

    You know one of these is his dick, right?

  28. scott

    I only tried to stroke his ego in order to get some whacknut response.

  29. bitingontinfoil

    LMAO that he makes $10,000.00 every so often for shilling on Twitter and people think he’s fabulous! HE WAS MAKING 2 MIL AN *EPISODE* for 2 1/2 Men! How is playing a dancing monkey for twitter considered a step UP? Looks like he’s dredging the bottom of the barrel for those “porn stars” too.

    • Burt

      Exactly. He can try to spin it whichever way he wants, he royally screwed up. He’s not untouchable, as he likes to claim. If he’s off the drugs now, I wouldn’t be surprised he’ll be back on them soon once he realizes that most people are not laughing with him, they are laughing at him.

      • bitingontinfoil

        ..he’s definitely on a downward spiral and I won’t be surprised to hear about his eventual committal/o.d. What I find truly disturbing is there are people out there actually *celebrating* this tool. He’s like a pet rock – the novelty will wear off quickly and the *real* tragedy will begin. Meh…

    • cc

      My thoughts exactly…it’ll take a lot twittering to make up for the lost 21/2 men income. Of course, he probably invested his previous earnings wisely so it doesn’t matter.

  30. I would have totally expected a TV in Charlie’s house to say “ErecTV” instead.

  31. I just thought of something…This isn’t all part of some sort of elaborate Joaquin Phoenix style performance piece, is it?

  32. maize5

    http://j-scott-campbell.deviantart.com/art/Tiger-TIGER-TIGERBLOOD-199649086
    I thought you would want to see this, Superficial. Can’t tell if it’s more in your line, or GW’s, but it’s brilliant.

  33. Adonis dna

    Ummmmm….what’s your point? I’m pretty sure anyone else would do the same thing. Damn I know I would. Pretty sure alot of celebrities do it.

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