Someone Left a Door Open, Nick Nolte Got Out

It’s common knowledge that Nick Nolte doesn’t give a fuck so hard that other people’s fucks disintegrate into fuckdust before they themselves can even be given. Paps caught Nolte climbing the fence along a Malibu highway recently and instead of asking him what he was up to, they just sat there and took pictures because they’re boring people. Who knows, they could have missed out on an opportunity to tackle a live deer or whatever was lurking on the other side of that fence.

Lucky for Nick, some guy eventually showed up to talk him down, hand him a boba tea, and point him back in the direction of his house. He probably took a long nap in his front yard shortly after these pictures were taken.

Nick Nolte is part of a dying breed of Hollywood eccentrics that wouldn’t care less if his dick was hanging out of his pajama pants in a Starbucks parking lot. He wouldn’t let it hang out in like a Matt Lauer sense, Nolte don’t play that shit. He would’ve probably pulled it out because he was stung by a hornet while climbing a tree or something and just needed to give his penis some air. Hornet stingers on your dong are the worst. Trust me, I once dated a wildlife conservationist…

**Upon second read, I realize that sentence sounds like my ex-girlfriend had hornets in her vagina. Not quite the case but she might as well have. Fuck you, Rachel. I still want my records back.**

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