Johnny Depp’s New Girlfriend Seems Nice

Ha! Just kidding. I’m such a scamp.

Here’s Jordan Carver on the set of Who Killed Johnny?, an independent film about a group of aspiring filmmakers who stumble upon the lifeless body of Johnny Depp (Played by an impersonator.) and decide to make it star in their movies because pornos are getting way too elaborate now. Apparently calling this thing “Johnny Deep” is too pedestrian for today’s avant garde pornographer. “Okay, now, Johnny, when you’re pulling her hair, that’s letting the audience know that the strings of government and commerce are pulled exclusively by the elite, and the naked midget with an erection is just a naked midget with an erection. Haha! His balls look like peanut M&Ms.”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, WENN