Whitney Houston has some issues

March 29th, 2006 // 157 Comments

whitney_houston_issues.jpgWhitney Houston’s sister-in-law Tina Brown says the singer has become a half-toothless crack addict who hangs out in dangerous drug dens and sees “demons” in fits of dope-induced paranoia. Among other things, Tina claims that: Whitney hallucinates and sees “demons” when she’s high * She bites and beats herself black-and-blue but blames the “Devil” for the injuries * Whitney smoked crack on the way to drug rehab meetings * Whitney loses her $6,000 set of false teeth when she’s high and once appeared toothless, scaring the kids at her niece’s school * Whitney smokes as much as an “eight-ball” (1/8 of an ounce) of crack at a time, mixing it with marijuana encased in a cigar wrapper * A drug dealer called Bobby Brown and ordered him to remove the paranoid and out-of-control Whitney from his crack house, saying “come get your wife. I’m sick of this bitch.”

Getting kicked out of a crack house probably isn’t a good sign. Neither is looking like the world’s homeliest raccoon. This girl needs some help. Help from a good friend. A good friend named crack.

UPDATE: The National Enquirer has some photos of Whitney Houston’s totally awesome drug dens and they’re as wonderfully charming as you thought they were.




  1. playahater101

    #33 ditto for me. Let me also get in line to hit her in the face.

  2. CoJo

    I just wanted to take the time and thank those who are personally responsible for all the strange looks I am recieving as people walk past my office and see me in a fit of tears, laughing out loud with my headphones on.

    This was the funniest group of posts ever.

    Special Thanks to:
    PapaHotNuts for the special comment #18
    Maskatron for Debroah Wilson’s take on Whitney
    The Superficial for making this all possible.

  3. frangly

    PapaHotNuts, I’ll bet The Superficial isn’t really so different from the Louisiana leg, right? Scary characters all around.

    Regarding Tori Spelling, I just can wait till that man-ho she hooked up with reveals he did it cuz–duh–she’s Aaron Spelling’s daughter. And he wants a role on the new Love Boat.

  4. Ultraviolins

    #46: Yeah, just like Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss (or maybe Marilyn Monroe) could’ve uplifted the white race?

    Oh wait, that…doesn’t work the same way. Darn it!

  5. dwhmnsa

    She’s starting to look like Dennis Rodman in drag. At least in that pic…

  6. This just hurts. Whitney was once my idol. This hurts bad. She’s been trippin out for years now but everytime I see her it just hurts. WHY WHITNEY WHY!!!!!!

  7. #43

    That video was too funny! This one is knee slappin, funny too…


  8. CheekyChops

    Just shows that being rich and successful isn’t all its cracked up to be.

  9. Italian Stallion

    One day you will see her on the street, high on crack, sleeping in a cardboard box.

    That’s a Chinese riddle for ya, How can she be high on crack and asleep in a box……
    You can’t be high on crack and sleep at the same time……trust me, I used to hang out with Courtney Love……

  10. bloodyvictim

    This makes me want to dress up like the devil and chase Whitney’s diapered-up ass around her mansion for a while… then maybe sprinkle the whole place with sea salt and watch her go completely fucking insane.

  11. playahater101

    Wait a second, she’s wearing DIAPERS????? Did I miss a part of the story?

  12. krisdylee

    So after she kicks the habit, is she going to fuck Nicole Ritchie in the can and have it blabbed around by her best friend?

  13. LRonHubbaHubba

    Look at your future Lohan!

  14. bjpack

    I heard that Fox is looking at a Summer start for the new reality show “Whitney’s Crack House.” The Press Release describes it thusly…

    Watch your favorite former celebrities spend a month together in a crack house at an undisclosed location. See the look on Corey Feldman’s face as he realizes that Gary Coleman switched his false teeth with Whitney’s. See Whitney’s reaction as she watches footage of Leif Garrett stealing her pipe. Hilarity ensues as six celebrities are locked up in a room with only enough crack for two.

  15. bloodyvictim

    #61 post #10 has a link to the diaper-clad full story.

    #64. that was fucking funny.

  16. derekd


    #18 was the funniest post I have read here in A LONG TIME and I have been reading TheSuperficial close to a year now. I envy your creativity. I actually laughed out loud.

  17. I just looked at an old picture of here. wow, the difference is amazing. It’s like the difference between an ice-cream sundae and a bucket of crap.

  18. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    PapaHotNutz please tell Mary Landrieu I think she’s pretty. Thanks.

  19. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    #46 Yeah, Whitney is really bringing down her race. The race of snaggle-tooth bag-ladies who used to be divas. I can only presume this is the race you were referring to, but you have to get back to starching your pointy white hood so you probably don’t have time to read this.
    P.S. You guys remember when Bobby pulled shit out of Whitney’s ass with his own hand? Well, now you do.

  20. Dude! this bathroom is so naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasty!

    I have to forgive my boyfriend for giving him shit about the way he keeps his bathroom.

    Whitney is gross!

  21. christee

    thank you, papahotnuts, for being a bright spot in louisiana’s population. i thank you. and the children i didn’t have in 8th grade thank you.

  22. gammanormids

    Am i the only one who thought it was whoopy goldberd iin the picture?

  23. Do you remember around ten years ago, they interviewed Whitney and asked about crack.

    she denied it vehemently, claiming that she had more class than that.

    And now?

    Back then, her first album: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e1/WhitneyHoustonAlbumCover.gif

  24. not-one-of-you

    playing at defending whitney:
    the photos only show that someone used the stuff, that whitney was there n all is hearsay/speculation, that sort of thing. or as Whitney would tell us herself:
    HELL NO!
    but then again, I am not defending her….I believe everything I read on the superficial!

  25. playahater101

    #70, I agree. Makes me feel bad for ragging on my hubby for missing the toilet. Yikes!! I’m surprised there aren’t roaches around. Not blunt roaches but actually cockroaches. Too sad.

  26. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    I guess we found MeganHarris’ boyfriend’s one flaw – his Achilles’ Heel, you might say.

  27. gogoboots

    And I get shit for being a bit messy, whatever, Whitney just one the pig in her own shit award!

  28. whackjob

    absolutely brilliant posts this week.

    not that I care (much), but there are kids in that nuthouse. If it were you or me CPS would be a-knockin.

    effin whackjobs like WH & BB have had more slack cut than, well, whatever…

    I Wanna Dance with Somebody is about doing the dance of death with the devil. What, you never played it backwards?

  29. downshine

    awww hell to the no!

  30. HughJorganthethird

    Nice product placement for Budwieser. They must be thrilled.

    Bud, the choice of used up old crack monkeys everywhere.

  31. Will someone please help this poor woman? She needs help. Look at her. Don’t ask bobbie to help her, either, that would be like the blind leading the blind.

  32. pamalamadingdong

    wow, she is proof that the human body is a can with stand immense abuse. And i’m not talking about what she’s done to herself, I’m talking about all the pain that i went through having to see those pics.

  33. Grphdesi23

    Whitney says “Kiss my aass!”

  34. Grphdesi23

    I’d hit it with a crack pipe.

  35. LickyLicky

    Just FYI… I proposed to Papa months ago… we decided on a quiet ceremony in Vegas with Elvis officiating.

    Until that time, we will continue our illicit affair in the Azaleas behind the capitol building.

    Same time, same bush.

    Do you REALLY do that as a job? ROTF. I thought working in insurance was bad.

  36. TheLusciousDeluxe

    …why, Whitney, why?

  37. Pez_D_Spencer

    This just takes me back to those halcyon days when Whitney and Mariah were battling it out to see who would become “America’s Sweetheart”. Gotta admit though, both opted for um, unique strategies in the finals:

    Mariah – crazy whore.
    Whitney – crazy coke fiend.

    Britney, Lohan, Paris, Simpson girls – they’re all just battling for third. And unless Mariah goes so over-the-top insane that she starts beating people to death with a stainless steel dildo, while dressed in one of those inflatable sumo suits and reciting dirty limericks about waffles and Somali architects, I think Whitney’s lead may be too commanding at this point.

  38. TowelHead

    PapaHotNuts – make me your bitch?

  39. Evangelia

    #80…the bud cans are the elusive “sex toys” that whitney pleasures her gonorrhea ridden self with. duh. why spend $75 on a rabbit when there are perfectly good budweiser cans just waiting to be stuck in your pussy? shake one up, pull the tab and it doubles as a douche as well.

    my goodness, i love crack. whitney sold a grammy to me last week for $25.

  40. Dee

    it wont be long now…its a wrap for her =(

  41. Kelly

    Poor Whitney, she had it all. Britney watch out,Whitney is your future. Not so pretty is it now?

  42. tonguepunch

    Apparently she didn’t read the sign on the den door:

    Crack hos will be moderated and obnoxious or promotional crack hos may be removed. If your crack ho comments are excessively inappropriate or you question why a crack ho was removed, you will be banned. There will be no warning and no appeals.

  43. 25cent

    That’s not Whitney. It’s Dave Chappelle.

  44. #92: HILARIOUS!

    I just wanted to mention: Kate Moss, look at your future.

  45. Julie_Smashing_baby

    I am Italian,and in Italy many people use drugs(especially cocaine)…It’s hard to come out.I’m not trying to justify anybody,but is just the way it is.She doesn’t have to work hard to get money,or do anything important during the day…everybody else takes care of her and her stuff..nobody ever contradict her..It’s just a creepy story..

  46. HughJorganthethird

    As someone who knows someone who used to smoke a little rock (we’ll call him “me”) I just wanted to explain why ole Whitney would smoke in the bathroom despite the fact she has a huge 100 room mansion at her disposal.

    Usually it’s because the even though you are a crack monkey you still feel the shame of sucking the glass dick and therefore can only enjoy your buzz away from the eyes of those that would judge you or..

    the bathroom door locks so you can keep Bobby away from your fucking stash.

    I’m going with option 2 in this case.

  47. Mo

    The crack pipe next to the gold bathroom fixtures say it all.

    Doesn’t matter what she does now. They’ll cannonize her later. Not too much later, based on this story…

  48. CheekyChops

    Where’s the maid?

  49. CheekyChops


    Here is more from the National Enquirer site: “In the most explosive interview ever about Whitney, Tina tells how the 42-year-old singer spends days locked in her bedroom amid piles of garbage smoking crack, using sex toys to satisfy herself and ignoring personal hygiene.”

    I need to pour bleach into my ears now to erase the visual.

  50. CheekyChops


    Here is more from the National Enquirer site: “In the most explosive interview ever about Whitney, Tina tells how the 42-year-old singer spends days locked in her bedroom amid piles of garbage smoking crack, using sex toys to satisfy herself and ignoring personal hygiene.”

    I need to pour bleach into my ears now to erase the visual.

Leave A Comment