Whitney Houston can’t sing

whitney_houston_thumb2.jpgPeople are talking about how bad Whitney Houston was performing at the Olympics in Turin. “Nowhere close to a gold-medal performance, nor even a bronze contender,” a witness said.

Houston coughed, sniffled and talked her way through one song and told the crowd: “Why did they choose to do this outdoors? I don’t sing in the cold. It makes my voice funny.” Her hit, “I Will Always Love You,” quickly became “her all-time low moment,” the witness reports. Unable to reach the high notes, “Whitney smiled, waved and winked to the fans. Karaoke drag queens can belt it out better.”

Maybe Whitney would have been more successful singing some of her more recent hits, like “Crack is my muse” and “That damn cat keeps pissing in my hair.” Of course she’d be even more successful renting herself out to local haunted houses during Halloween. The kids would be like “yeah, Freddy Krueger was pretty scary, but not as bad as the witch offering to blow me for crystal meth.”