Whitney Houston Is Sober, Everybody, She Just Irrationally Hates Seatbelts

October 13th, 2011 // 41 Comments

Whitney Houston was almost kicked off a Delta flight yesterday when she refused to buckle her seat belt before takeoff, holding up the entire plane for people who understand the rudimentary practice of clicking one piece of metal into another. Then again, they could’ve all been physicists. Motherfuckers are everywhere… TMZ reports:

We’re told Whitney refused and “got diva” on the crew member … until another crew member came over and warned Houston that if she didn’t buckle up, she would have to get off the plane.
Whitney eventually allowed one of the crew members to grab the buckle and fasten it for the singer — and the plane was then cleared for takeoff.

Whitney’s people were quick to make sure everyone knew she’s still completely sober but just had a “moment” that in no way suggests the use of crack. Haha! Crack. Who thinks like that?

Sources close to the singer tell us … Whitney “overreacted a little bit after missing an earlier flight but she’s still 100% sober and was on the way to Detroit for her first day of shooting a new movie.”

Again, here’s another one of those times where the excuse is way more suspicious than the truth. All her people had to say is, “Whitney simply wanted to make the flight staff buckle the seatbelt for her so could lord her power over them,” and everyone would’ve gone, “Okay, that makes sense.” Now I’m almost 90% positive Whitney ate two crack rocks in the bathroom and thought the seatbelts were snakes. “I seen that movie. You ain’t buckling me with no serpent!”

Photos: Splash News

The Superficial is in Clusterf@ck! Mode this week. Normal posting resumes Mon, Oct 17.

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  1. Whitney Houston
    tim
    Commented on this photo:

    first, and I would fuck that crackhead

  2. Carolyn

    Why would anyone want to hire this mess for anything?

  3. Fuck these celeb rebels with no cause. Put your fucking seat belt on and turn off your fucking cell phone.

  4. Gerbil in my Butt

    They should have thrown her diva ass off the plane. At 30,000 feet!

  5. Cock Dr

    It’s all Bobby Brown’s fault.

  6. Deacon Jones

    I have no comment on “Divas”.

  7. Seatbelts are whack huh Whitney? Hey fish it’s acid that makes you see snakes, trust me i have a PhD in that shit ~

  8. Whitney Houston
    Commented on this photo:

    “Keep a Child Alive – Keep Them Away from Whitney Houston”

  9. forrest gump

    sting sang about it.
    ………MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE.

  10. Mike

    One passenger with no seat belt means the plane can’t take off? Man, these guys are power tripping. What’s next, turning the plane around every time somebody pisses past the toilet during the flight? “Get the air marshall, al Qaeda pissed on our floor! The TSA warned us they would try it!”

    • Lord help you if Gerard Depardieu is on the plane.

    • Venom

      But you can put your 5 year old kid onto a bus (with a stranger) with no seat belts and send them on their merry way.
      You can also get onto a motorcycle with no helmet, no seat belt, no airbags, crumple zones, no anything to protect you at all and ride off at 150 mph.

      This country is retarded.

    • If you wana talk power trip, look at TSA, but making people strap themselves in on takeoff and landing honestly does serve a purpose, it’s not to nanny you for its own sake. Do what you want to on your own time (altho most states these days make you wear a helmet when you ride your donorcycles and will take your kids away of they’re not wearing a helmet while on their trikes) but if you pay to ride in someone else’s vehicle and they don’t enforce basic safety rules so that you end up injuring yourself, will you decline to sue? Airline fees are high enough, thanks all the same.

      If the plane ever has to do a hard brake on its way to, or from, the runway and you’re out of your seat, you could get hurt, which is why they’re so PO’d if the impatient try to get their bags while the plane’s taxiing and the seatbelt sign’s still on. Theoretically you could get pitched out of your seat if you’re not buckled in, but it’s really more because of overshooting. If you’ve ever seen a plane overrun the runway (and that can happen in both instances) it can be extremely rough and anyone who isn’t belted in runs a real risk of being injured, or worse, injuring someone else. I’ve seen a private jet overshoot and plow through a fence and entire parking lot of cars before it finally came to a halt, and you better believe everyone on board was happy they were buckled into their seats.

      It also cured me of wanting to park anywhere near an airport, but that’s another story. If Whitney “I’m Not Gonna” Houston pitched this much of a fit not buckling her belt, can you imagine the diva shitstorm that would come down if she injured herself? Thank God I wasn’t on that flight, I’d have duct taped her to her seat .

  11. Hmm, “diva” seems to be too kind a word for her. I think “got ghetto crackwhore” is more fitting.

    • Crazy Crackhead

      You can take the crazy out of the hood, but you can’t take the hood out of this crazy.

      If you ever watch “Hardcore Pawn” this is just typical crazy hood shit – everyone is a diva.

    • “Ghetto crackwhore” works, although I was thinking more along the lines of “fucking used-up cunt.”

  12. They should have buckled that bitches mouth.

  13. Yup

    Crackhead, crackhead,
    rolly polly crackhead,
    crackhead, crackhead,
    smoke it up… yum!

  14. Uh huh

    Good thing this cracked out diva wasn’t flying on the flights I’ve been on (which have typically been late, meaning cranky passengers). If little miss thang tried that bullshit on my last flight, the rest of the passengers would have probably beat the shit out of her & then tossed her carcass to the curb. Which she would have richly deserved here…

  15. rough, my last name cotillhard

    “Seatbelt” the conspiracy to whiten the hood. We hear ya Whitney…

  16. diamond

    Why do all celebrities think they are above the TSA laws. All of us all treated like crap once we walk into an Airport and worse on the plane. She need to suck it up, or be tossed out on her ass. I’m so sick of the TSA people, but it just comes along with 9/11, so what can you do. No seat belt = must have box cutters in purse, and her being a nut-job doesn’t help either. They should have tossed her out over the ocean, I hate people like her on planes.

    • “…above the TSA laws…”? How about “above the laws of physics” which would apply if the aircraft came to a sudden stop and Whitney’s carcass was thrown all the way down the aisle only to hit the forward bulkhead and do a fatal “splat and splatter.”

    • They aren’t TSA laws, so continue in your hatred of the guys who swab everything you own with nitrate-detection pads. It’s the FAA that mandates seatbelt regulations, no smoking on the aircraft, and nice bigass fines for people who disrupt flight procedure because they won’t comply with them

    • Carolyn

      They’re actually FAA rules.

  17. I’m all for tossing anyone and everyone off an airplane who doesn’t immediately comply with any directions whatsoever…no second chances. The rest of us have places to be.

    That being said, why the fuck can’t an airplane take off if someone doesn’t have their seatbelt bucked…but you can fly with an unsecured INFANT in your lap the whole goddamn flight? Do that in a car and you’re a horrible monster of a parent and CPS will take your kids away, but do it on an airplane and it’s cool with everyone.

    • The reason for strapping in on takeoff and landing is because of runway overruns (see above), it does serve a purpose other than to piss Whitney Houston off.

      If you’re strapped in then you can hold onto a kid when there’s turbulence, but if you crash, of course that’s another story. The FAA doesn’t require a seat with a belly belt for kids under 2 years of age because it’s too dangerous, and that’s also why they don’t let you hold the kid in your lap and strap yourself in. In the event of a crash, your baby would actually act as a shock absorber, keeping you safe while its spine was crushed by your jacknifing torso, so as weird as it sounds, keeping your child free of restraint so it becomes a projectile is probably preferable.

      Quite frankly, the only safe way for a kid under age 7 to fly is in a car seat, but because there are far fewer airline crashes as opposed to car crashes, the FAA leaves it a lot of decisions to the commercial carrier, like at what age they require children to have their own seat.

      • actually no you can’t just hold onto a kid if there’s turbulence, because there’s not going to be any warning…the plane will drop and the infant is going to bounce around the inside of the plane like a superball.

        Children SHOULD be required to have a carseat…which the airlines should provide along with the ticket that would be sold for that child. If they don’t want to buy a ticket for that infant, then stay at home and we’ll all be that much happier.

        I just don’t buy that these draconian airline rules should apply to adults, or they get kicked off the airplane…but nobody cares about infants.

  18. Cock Dr

    “you can fly with an unsecured INFANT in your lap the whole goddamn flight”
    Yah, that one never made sense to me. Although it must be damned funny when they go up in the air during bad turbulence.

    • Hey, who doesn’t love in-air volleyball? Especially if you’ve seen the movie before.

    • Carolyn

      I was a flight attendant for years and never understood the unsecured infant thing. Honestly, I think it’s economics–people don’t want to pay for an extra seat to strap in their infant (child up to the age of two) in it’s child seat. But they have absolutely no idea how devastating it can be to the child if you are holding it in a survivable crash. The G forces will rip that child right out of your arms. That’s why everyone has to wear a seatbelt, even morons like Whitney Houston. The smart person wears a seatbelt the entire flight, even when the seatbelt sign is off. The safest seats are rear facing like on military planes, but the traveling public wouldn’t stand for that. The overhead bins are a joke too. I have a friend who survived a crash, but the bins opened and all that crap spilled into the aisles. Nothing but cheap latches trying to hold all that shit in.

      • So much for the idea of securing the baby in the overhead bin. Damn, for a minute there I thought I might’ve had a solution.

      • Deryn

        I think the world would be a much nicer place if we stopped worrying so much about making it safer for the morons, and just let their Darwin-Award skulls bounce right into the fuselage.

  19. Pat C.

    I’ve noticed that they make everybody fasten their seatbelt and THEN start the safety demonstration telling you how to do what you’ve already done. Never made sense to me. Maybe Whitney was just waiting for the instructions?
    Anyway, seatbelts aren’t just for crashes or hard stops. I read about an airliner that hit some kind of air pocket that caused a sudden drop of about a thousand feet or so – free fall. It was unexpected and I think passengers not wearing the seatbelt at the time slammed up against the overhead bins.

    • That’s why Carolyn advised wearing your belt (even if it’s loosened) when the sign’s off. It also works if you get a skin rupture and explosive decompression due to some catastrophe – it ensures you’ll still stay in your seat. When Air Hawaii’s roof peeled off, the only person sucked out was the flight attendant, who wasn’t strapped in. But it’s mandatory at takeoff and landing not for free-fall, because you wouldn’t be at enough altitude to do that, but for hard stops, runway runoffs, porpoising, stalls and general system failure on takeoff and landing.

  20. dotmatrix

    Detroit is a good place for her.

  21. kHam

    Evidently she has, indeed, smoked her kneecaps off.

  22. onlygodcanjudge

    sum of u speak as if u kno her personally…u actually took the time to write a negative comment abou a person u do not kno…jus bcuz her bizz is n da news does not mean u kno her…the media only tells u wat they want u to kno & sum are so ignorant to believe ll dat they hear…everybody has had their demons & skeletons in their closets…imgine if ur darkest secret was blast into the universe?…she clean now & we should not condemn her for living her life the way she wants…so what she acted a fool who doesnt from time to time?…none of us was on dat flight or kno her personally so stop w/ the bashing!…only god can judge & since u have no right to judge u come off as being hateful aka haters!!…continue to live ur life ms houston & i wish nothing but the best for u…

  23. Whitney Houston
    Whit
    Commented on this photo:

    No matter what, she always had a brilliant, beautiful smile. What a needlessly tragic ending.

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